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Interview with Sara Ramirez

I was thrilled when AfterEllen.com asked me to interview my friend Sara Ramirez, the Tony Award-winning actress and star of Grey’s Anatomy. We met for lunch at The Abbey, a huge and mostly gay bar and restaurant in West Hollywood. Sara showed up not just on time, but early. She wore a baseball cap, sweatshirt, leggings, and no makeup. She ordered a salad and asked them to hold the olives. When it arrived covered in an abnormal amount of olives she said nothing and ate it anyway. Gotta love this girl!

We spent a few hours talking about everything from Callie’s personal proclivities to the amazing foundation that Sara just started. We discussed her rise to stardom, how she deals with Hollywood, and what animal she’d like to be. Hint: it’s not a cougar.

AfterEllen.com: So you pronounce your name Sada, correct?

Sara Ramirez:Yes, like Prada, or tostada, depending on the audience.

AE: I’m surprised we’re meeting at one of L.A.’s biggest gay bar/restaurants. Are you afraid you’ll be mobbed?

SR:I’ve been here several times. I love The Abbey! People are really respectful. I find airports are a bit more uh, complicated.

AE: Would Callie come here?

SR: Now that she’s involved with Arizona, I think they’d come here together to try to continue to explore whatever is going on with themselves and with each other. It would be great for them to go out and feel accepted and have fun.

AE: What would Callie drink?

SR:Callie would get hammered. Rum and Diet Coke, or shots. She’d be dancing. That’s one thing Callie and I have in common. We’d both wind up dancing on the tables.

AE: Who would Callie hit on?

SR: I think it’s more about the person for her. She’d connect with someone in the eyes and eventually approach them.

AE: Even after the shots?

SR:Well, those do make everyone look pretty good. Ahhh beer goggles. But truly, I think it would be all about connecting with someone. Her situation is pretty complicated at this point, having been only with men until so recently … I think she’d need someone open and confident and able to handle that. I think it can be hard on women who identify only as lesbian and wouldn’t consider ever dating a man to date someone like Callie. It can seem risky to dive into a relationship with someone who is more fluid, who could potentially go back to men again, who has a different past.

AE: I don’t know what you’re talking about. So does Callie identify herself as bisexual?

SR: I don’t think she identifies herself as anything, which for me makes her very compelling, and also somewhat controversial. The gay and lesbian community can sometimes have problems with people who don’t identify themselves as strictly gay or straight. People want to know one way or the other what they are.

I think she is someone capable of having a lesbian relationship, capable of having a straight relationship, but she is, at the end of the day, a person in the world trying to make it all work out.

AE: O Magazine, Oprah, and CNN have covered this a great deal lately, the idea of female fluidity.

SR: I love that that’s being brought to the forefront. I think there are pockets of people on the spectrum of sexuality who are underrepresented.

AE: Have you had any negative feedback from Callie’s coming out?

SR: I got a letter from a former fan saying she would no longer watch the show because of “the road your character is going down.” It’s disappointing when you hear that. I dream of a world that opens it hearts to everyone. But I’m not trying to preach or control people’s minds. But it is disappointing.

AE: Are you aware of the hugely positive reaction within the LGBT community to your character’s arc, and as a result, to you?

SR:To some degree, yes, and I’m happy to hear that. The first year I was on the show, admittedly, I would check blogs and try to see what people were saying about me. I gave that up pretty quickly because you take it too personally, you’re human. You open this Pandora’s Box and this negativity or positivity is something that sticks to you and you lose track of reality and being true to your work and your character.

AE: I’m going to go out on a limb and say that since Callie started with women, you’ve gone from being perceived as a respected actress, to a respected actress who is also a sex symbol.

SR: Really?

AE: Well AfterEllen puts out a Hot 100 list every year. In 2007 you were number 80. In 2008 you were number 8.

SR:That’s really flattering! I don’t know, I think when Callie first came on Grey‘s people were like, “who is this freak that lives in the basement?” They felt weird about the pairing of Callie and George. Then when she went through the ringer with that relationship I think people began to respect her. To see her as strong and also vulnerable.

I have to admit I was afraid that when Callie started with Hahn, the majority of viewers could reject Callie’s sex appeal and have trouble relating to her. That hasn’t been how it’s worked out, which is really amazing.

AE: Why are you so stable? Where did you grow up?

SR: I was born in Mazatlan, Mexico. Then I moved to San Diego when I was 8. My parents got divorced and my mom is from there. It was a huge culture shock. It was hard.

I grew up speaking both English and Spanish but mostly Spanish. I had a bit of an accent. I experienced some racist comments and had to toughen up. It taught me a lot about myself. I’m Mexican/Irish but I’m very dark and people made a lot of assumptions about who I was and where I came from.

AE: Were you eventually a cool kid?

SR: No, I was a huge dork. I was on the honor roll. I was obsessed with New Kids on the Block. I then went into a hippie phase. I got laughed at a lot for that. Birkenstocks and no makeup wasn’t exactly what you’d expect from a Latina teenager. Someone told me to “pick a color.” Whatever that means.

I was in the arts though. I was at a performing arts school from 4th to 12th grade. I immersed myself in piano, choir, acting, musical theatre. In 10th grade people discovered that I could sing and that’s when I started getting some validation.

AE: Did you know you wanted to pursue the arts professionally?

SR: I didn’t really think about it until junior year. I actually was very into math and science, anything analytical. I thought about being a pediatrician or an engineer. I even went to UC Irvine with my mom and had a meeting with a female engineer to see what it was like to be a woman in that industry. But I liked the reaction I was getting in the theatre and so I decided to apply to theater schools for college.

My grandfather and my mother were singers so it didn’t come out of nowhere. I wound up going to Julliard.

AE: What were you doing when you auditioned for Grey’s?

SR: I was performing in Spamalot on Broadway. It was after the Tonys.

ABC called me for a meeting. They asked if I was interested in an eight-episode arc on one of their shows. It was amazing because that is so rare that you get that kind of opportunity. They sent me a bunch of DVDs of pilots and shows that were already on the air. Grey‘s was the dream. I was obsessed with George. I loved him! And it was a medical show. I’m fascinated by blood and guts.

Shonda Rhimes flew out and saw Spamalot and we had breakfast. We had a wonderful talk and she told me they were looking to write in a love interest for George. I almost fell out of my chair.

AE: Speaking of theater, so many theater actors are openly gay. TV actors are so rarely out. What’s that about?

SR: It all comes down to money. Studios are afraid that advertisers will be put off by gay actors and gay characters. At the end of the day it’s all about selling a product.

Theater has always been a place for misfits, myself included. When you come to Los Angeles, you have to learn to play the game. You can reach a much larger audience but you have to step more gently if you want to stay in the game. It’s very hard on people.

AE: Ah, the game and the madness that is Hollywood, I think it’s crazy that the media will sometimes refer to you as voluptuous or full-figured whereas anywhere else in America, you would be considered thin.

SR: Really? There is a distortion in the world about what we look like and what it all means. I think medically there is an obesity epidemic and that is something to be concerned about, but in terms of aesthetics I think things have become distorted in the media. People look larger on television. Our perceptions of ourselves are distorted because people in life look different than on screen. People are always labeling their health based on what they see on screen.

There was a time when I first joined the show where I gained 25 pounds because I was living my life the way I wanted to and that involved lots of food. At the end of the day it’s about how we feel. You know when you feel good. I’m not here to be a role model. I know that’s inevitable when you’re in the public eye but we all have our vices and we all live our lives to the best of our abilities. Unfortunately there aren’t a lot of campaigns that celebrate what people really look like in the world.

I’ve seen pictures of myself that get photo-shopped. I don’t want my pimple in that picture and neither does the advertiser, and when you’re selling a product you do that. The problem is when people take that at face value and believe it’s reality.

AE: Getting back to Callie, did you know in advance that she would be paired with a woman, or did that just pop up in the script one day?

SR:There was talk of a lesbian relationship on the show. They didn’t say who or what. I volunteered myself to portray a relationship like that. I voiced an interest in having Callie’s experience be less cookie cutter. I thought it would be really great if it had more to do with Callie discovering herself to be a more open person and not a conventional one. First she was straight, now she’s in a gay situation. I thought that would be more interesting.

I have a number of friends who have had that experience and it’s underrepresented.

AE: How did you feel about Brooke Smith’s dismissal from the show?

SR: I think the timing of it was really unfortunate. I really felt for Brooke. She’s an amazing actress. It makes me sad that it adds a stigma to that relationship.

AE: People upset with Brooke leaving seem excited about the Arizona relationship. Do you feel that Callie has more chemistry with Arizona?

SR:No, it’s just different. It’s new. It didn’t come out of a friendship. They are two totally different people, Brooke and Arizona.

Callie’s relationship with Arizona feels less intense. It feels light. It feels honest. Communicative. A relationship that has misunderstandings, but through communication can reach the next level. There’s a lightness to it that I really like.

AE: Will that relationship stay around?

SR: I don’t know. Jessica just wrapped. I was sad to say goodbye. I kept telling her I’m going to put positive vibes out there hoping she’ll come back. We have a lot of fun together.

[Editor’s note: Jessica Capshaw is reportedly finalizing negotiations to become a series regular next season.]

AE: Who would you love to see Callie with, out of anyone in the universe?

SR:K.D. Lang

AE: Who’s your favorite cast member?

SR: I have to admit, I laugh my ass off with T.R. Knight.

AE: How has your family responded to your success?

SR: Very supportive

AE: How’d they react to your character coming out?

SR: They think it’s interesting. Interesting good.

AE: Did you have any backlash from any friends or family?

SR:Nope. They’re proud of me and the story line.

AE: What’s the best fan letter you’ve received?

SR: There was a letter that I got from a lesbian fan saying that because of a story line being portrayed on television, she could embrace her own life with her own Latin family.

AE: You did a PSA in Spanish talking about tolerance. Are there unique challenges in terms of reaching out to that community?

SR: A lot of Latin families are extremely based in religion, which isn’t a negative thing, but sometimes Latin communities are very invested and connected in their religion and faith and sometimes that creates major conflict between those families and their GLBT children. A lot of Latin families by tradition have a real machismo present. A real dominant male energy. That’s one reason why homosexuality is a very scary subject to broach or accept.

AE: Callie recently came out to her dad and it didn’t go so well. A huge portion of our readership has experienced that, or is gearing up for coming out to family. What was it like to portray that dynamic?

SR: It was really heavy. I was really impressed and grateful it got as much time as it did on the show. It’s emotional any time you risk losing your family. When you cut that umbilical cord you really are on your own. When you have to make a choice to love yourself for who you are and keep your integrity versus appeasing your parents, you must choose yourself first. You must love yourself first. Unfortunately that can mean saying goodbye to a parent. That is frequently the parent’s choice, not the child’s. When a parent gives an ultimatum, they are making the choice.

Even if you don’t have your parent’s support you need to know that there are a slew of people out there who are sometimes better family than your own family. There is an alternative, plenty of family out there. Sometimes they just aren’t blood related. Those are the people you want to surround yourself with.

AE: You are on hiatus now. What will you do with all that free time?

SR:My entire focus for the next month will be a foundation that I started, called the Al D. Rodriguez Liver Foundation. I’m co-hosting a benefit in May.

Al was my best friend. He was like family to me. He passed away last July. He was given three months to live in June, but only made it six weeks. 45 years old. It was a really scary time. I took a red-eye after work and arrived in the I.C.U. and it was the most surreal experience to be in a place identical to my work set. And to go and have it all be real. Nothing prepares you, as much as you can intellectualize it, nothing prepares you for your best friend dying.

AE: How did that affect you as an actor, going back to work in a hospital?

SR:Work was a great place to go and connect with other people and feel productive. Engage in the humor, the banter, play someone else. The story lines that related to people dying were just too much for me though. Now though, I have a whole new take on life and death and way more understanding and respect for people in those situations.

AE: Can anyone interested in supporting the foundation attend the benefit?

SR: Yes! I’m trying to spread the word. If you go to aldrodriguezliverfoundation.com you can get all the details. I’m co-hosting the benefit with Carson Kressley on May 30 on Fire Island. Tickets are only $75 to $150 and it will be really fun and it’s for a great cause. There are plenty of places to stay by the event, and it’s also an easy trip in from Manhattan, so please come on down!

AE: What do you want to do after Grey‘s?

SR: I would love to continue working on my music and go back to the theater. If I could tour with my music I would do that. But if more TV or film came along I would definitely do that.

AE: When’s the Callie spin off coming?

SR:There’s no Callie spin off

AE: Yes there is, what would it be called?

SR: Callie takes Manhattan, I would take Callie to New York, see how she fares over there.

AE: Why are your teeth so white?

SR:Well. Um. I’m not a regular coffee drinker. Uh, I go to the dentist.

AE: What kind of animal would you be?

SR:A manatee. Because my father was an oceanographer, and every time I saw a manatee, they seemed very at peace.

AE: Aren’t they always getting cut by the boat?

SR:And yet they survive.

AE: Moving on, what would be your-

SR: and manatee isn’t the first thing you think of when you think of the ocean. Whales, dolphins, I think manatees are really underrepresented.

AE: They need better agents. What would be your ideal date?

SR:Taking a road trip to San Francisco. Ride the trolley, walk down Lombard street, spend the day at Fisherman’s Wharf, and eat Ghiradelli Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream while sitting on the meadow looking at the Golden Gate Bridge.

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