RachelWatch: Don’t Tell Me if You’ve Heard This One Before

Today: Lieutenant Daniel Choi, a National Day of Prayer, and the worst roommates ever.

Well. I’ve been talking up the special, wild spirit of TRMS on Fridays, but this Thursday’s episode may just shut my mouth. It was a freak-of-nature superfilly of a show.

A Solider’s Story

Rachel led off with her interview with Lieutenant Daniel Choi, who is being dismissed from the Army National Guard for saying he was gay on The Rachel Maddow Show back in March.

Congressman Joe Sestak (D – Pennsylvania), who is also a retired Naval Rear Admiral, joined Rachel and Choi to agree that Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is the stupidest thing to hit the military since Napoleon decided Russia in winter would be a cakewalk.

On the upside, I just came up with a foolproof plan for a quick exit from Afghanistan: On May 15 at 6 p.m. GMT, everybody in the military say you’re gay all at once.

Gotta Keep ‘Em Separated

Thursday was the National Day of Prayer. No, really. The President is required by law to issue a proclamation telling us to pester our deity of choice.

President Bush used to issue fairly broad hints that anyone pestering say, Vishnu was choosing incorrectly.

Obama is taking a lower-key approach, which is causing some hilarious uncomfortable writhing during the predictable fringe-right hissy fit.

They’d really like to accuse him of being a Muslim again, but then he’d still pray, and they seem to feel the need to keep up the clenched-toothed façade of inclusiveness in which they do things like occasionally manage to spit out the prefix “Judeo-” before they say “Christian nation.”

Rachel showed us a clip illustrating that the Concerned Women for America are still not concerned enough to do a freaking Google search of the word “Deist,” and then welcomed the wonderful Reverend Dr. Welton Gaddy, president of the Interfaith Alliance.

Oh, well. At least the National Day of Prayer Task Force is totally correct about the Bible being the word of God without error.

Ms. Information

Rachel sent several prominent GOP members on the Crawl of Shame as she listed the Republican politicians who have experienced sudden depletions of spinal calcium as soon as Rush Limbaugh pointed at them and started screeching.

For crying out loud, Republicans, did none of you go to elementary school? The bully is going to keep stealing your lunch exactly as long as you keep failing to stand up to him.

Colin Powell has made the latest attempt to send Limbaugh running home crying with snot all over his face. He spoke frankly about Limbaugh being a mean-spirited “entertainer” who is doing damage to both the Republican Party and politics as a whole.

Rush went spinning into his predictable tizzy, but so far Powell has not handed over his cupcakes.

In the meantime, Republicans, if you decide to stop letting Limbaugh push you around, you will have the first true bipartisan support we’ve seen since January. Stop cribbing your strategies from bad karate movies and attack him all at once.

Judgment Day

Rachel refreshed us on her February 25 interview with Nancy Pelosi, in which Pelosi specifically said she wasn’t briefed on torture. Turns out that statement may need an asterisk.

An anonymous source has leaked documents to The Washington Post indicating that Pelosi was briefed on torture techniques. Pelosi denies it.

In other torturrific news, Judge Jay “Attention Grab” Bybee is asking for meetings with his state representatives in the hopes that he won’t have to be judged.

Representative Shelley Berkley (D – Nevada) pretty much said he could shove his meeting right into his confinement box.

Legal scholar and absolute treat of a guest Jonathan Turley dropped in to point out that both Pelosi’s “Golly! They mentioned torture techniques, but we had no idea they’d use them!” defense and our government’s response thus far to the obvious war crimes are insultingly feeble.

The best part of the interview was Rachel getting all giddy about the idea of Bybee getting disbarred, impeached, and prosecuted.

Rachel Re:

Republicans have somehow come to the conclusion that if we shut down Gitmo, all of our prisons within the country will disappear and we’ll have to repeal the Third Amendment.

Only instead of quartering troops, we’ll all be forced to have terrorists sleep on our couches and they’ll put the milk container back in the refrigerator with like three drops left in it and keep the TV tuned to the Daisy of Love marathon no matter how much we beg.

And when they’re not in our living rooms they’re just going to be running around loose in our communities, joining school boards and just ruining the church pancake breakfast and there is nothing we’ll be able to do to stop it!

To save us all, the Republicans have made an amazing video and Rachel was kind enough to share it with us. Rachel and staff all seem to work so hard. I’m glad they got to have some fun.

Darn it. Now I have an overwhelming urge to watch Excalibur again.

Until next time, have a great day and don’t let your allotted terrorist clip his toenails over the coffee table.