“Guiding Light” mini-cap 5/8: Spa sleepover

Frank wakes up disoriented from his smack down. “Is this General Hospital?” He sees Otalia in a tender moment. Natalia steps out and Frank gets up to leave. Olivia tries to stop him. Frank tells Olivia that he figured it out. Really? He was drawn a map with a big X on it. He says this is a vintage HO-livia move just to get what she wants. Bitter? Olivia dumped you for your dad and left him at the altar — guess it runs in the family.

Natalia runs into Doris who confesses she told Frank what BFF really stands for. Frank accuses Olivia of striking out with Gus but hitting a homer with his wife. Natalia hears this bad baseball analogy and steps up to defend Olivia. In a rare moment of Otalia clarity, Nat tells Frank she is with Olivia, it is real, and he will have to get over it.

Frank wants to know what the two of them are exactly — probably one of those probing, detective questions he should have asked before the wedding. Natalia knows what they are not — wrong, sinful or any other hurtful adjectives used by conservatives debating hate crimes legislation. Natalia tells Frank she never meant to hurt him. It’s too late and he walks out. Natalia cries as Liv embraces her.

Otalia sit outside the hospital to ruminate again. For some reason they have taken the time to restyle and grow their hair — must be the Peapack humidity. Nat said she owed Frank the truth. Yes, redemption for Doris! They are together, but unfortunately in a country that gives Mensa reject Miss California a national platform, there will be consequences.

Liv books a relationship defining spa getaway. One room or two? Two? Equal, but separate is never right. Emma wants to come on the trip, but she has to stay with Jane, who must drink a little because she always seems to lose Emma. Natalia shows up with her closet. They are both nervous. Nat says no matter what happens to them, they will always be friends. Are they going to the spa, or off to war?

At the spa, they discover there is only one room with one bed. Yippee ki-yay! It’s been a long time, huh, Liv. Natalia says, “Only one bed?” There is more metacarpal magnetism as Natalia rubs creams from the swag bag down Liv’s hand.

A little too much epidermal relations and Nat lets go of Liv. Nat says they should get a cot — a Covet Olivia Terminator. Liv says they have shared the same bed before. Falling asleep watching TV with Emma is not sharing a bed and does not count.

There is a knock on the door; it’s the better half of Blank. There must have been a two for one sale on the Nat tracker. Where are Doris’ goons when you need them? Only a Blank-ing idiot would surmise a couple’s massage involves three people. Otalia exchange glances as Blake blathers on about true love. Blake expounds about how much fun she is having at girls’ day. If she would get the hell out, it could be Ladies’ Night with more hand cream and stolen glances.

Natalia says part of her just wanted to tell Blake they were together but part of her doesn’t understand what “together” means. Will someone get that girl a dictionary?! That tingle you’re feeling — that’s “together.” Funny, she seemed so clear when she was telling Frank.

Nat wonders how we expect people to accept us being together, if that’s what we are. Olivia interrupts, “What the if?” The tension is rising as Nat tries to cover. Olivia’s own fears and insecurities are showing as she blurts out the spa thing was a bad idea and they should have gone to Jesus camp instead. Direct hit. Stung and hurting, Nat says she is leaving. Olivia, not one to be topped, says she is leaving. They both start throwing clothes in their bags. Bras are flying!

Girl fight! This is the best interaction of the entire week. Finally, a little passion. Liv is about to storm out of the room with half of Natalia’s underwear in her bag when the truth begins to sink in; they are fighting to avoid the obvious. Let’s reevaluate. They are alone to explore their feelings and their future, and what better way to do that than to go hiking!

Back in their single room, Otalia are relaxed in bathrobes and contemplating a movie night together. There is a knock at the door and who wanders in? Emma! Jane is totally terminated! What is Emma doing here? Easter is over; put the jellybean back in the bag! Emma says she misses them so much and wants to stay. This kid needs a dog. Otalia’s path forward turns into a family road trip as they discuss all the amenities they can share with Emma. I had no idea they had checked into the Disney spa. Since baby makes three, they can have a couples massage.

Olivia laments the loss of their alone time, but Natalia says moving too fast nearly cost them their friendship. Moving too fast? When did they move? The laws of inertia clearly do not apply. As Olivia alluded, friendship (unless acted upon) is limbo.

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