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L.A. Scene May ’09: The GLAAD Awards, an Evening with Women, and The Abbey

L.A. Scene is a monthly column that chronicles lesbian nightlife and events of interest in Los Angeles. Sarah Witness, an East Coast transplant and obvious femme, has been navigating the snark infested waters of Hollywood since 2001. Although she’s an NYU trained actress, she prefers sipping vodka and making idle chit-chat at really gay nightclubs.

GLAAD MEDIA AWARDS

I attended the 20th Annual GLAAD Media Awards at the Nokia Center in Los Angeles on on April 18. When I told a number of lesbian friends that I would be going to this, rather than lurking typically around West Hollywood on a Saturday night, they told me this was pointless because GLAAD is mostly for guys. Some of my best friends know guys, so I decided to give it a whirl.

And guess what? It was a giant sea of gay. Shocking. Actually, I have never seen so many gay people in one room. I’ve certainly never seen so many gay people downtown. I mean, I only go downtown when I have jury duty, but still.

Anyhoo, my friends are idiots because a huge percentage of the attendees were women. Like, oh I don’t know, Ellen and Portia, Kathy Griffin, Katherine Moennig, Jane Lynch, Julia Louis Dreyfus, Megan Mullally, Kate Walsh, Jennifer Beals, and Jessica Alba, just to name a few.

The show was basically the Oscars, but gay … like the Oscars. The men wore suits. The women wore suits. It lasted forever and all the best stuff was at the beginning and the end, so I’ll talk about the middle.

One of the first awards was for “Outstanding Talk Show Episode” with a lengthy tag line such as “involving a gay subject matter but not taking place within an otherwise gay show.” Don’t quote me on that.

“Ellen and Portia’s Wedding Day” won, beating out numerous Tyra Banks episodes that dealt with gay things. Nothing against Ellortia, who I adore and who have done a great deal for our kind and who looked hot, but when you have to choose between someone clueless and someone showing their OWN WEDDING VIDEO, maybe it’s time to retire that category. Besides, don’t Ellortia have enough awards? Also, they have each other.

Lots of men won things and some were interesting (I want that Bishop Gene Robinson to be my Grandfather. Can Bishops be Grandfathers?) Some were boring but as this is a website about women and for women I will spare you the snoozy details.

The Special Recognition Award was given to The L Word. Jennifer Beals, Katherine Moennig, and Leisha Hailey looked absolutely, unbelievably gorgeous as they stood on stage with Ilene Chaiken who accepted the award and spoke for what seemed like several months.

Unbelievably, Jennifer, Katherine, and Leisha were not allowed to get a word in edgewise.

Kathy Griffin won the Vanguard Award and accepted it in a bikini. If you wondered where she’s been lately, apparently the answer is, “at the gym.”

Other winners included Desperate Housewives, The New Adventures of Old Christine, Prop 8, The Musical; Milk; and “A juzgar por las apariencias” y “En otro cuerpo” Aqui y Ahora.

How cool is it that my high school Spanish finally paid off? And, how cool is it that this was the gay award show of the year, spotlight on the word “gay,” and so many straight celebrities showed up, presented, and all in all, took the event as seriously as the Oscars or the Emmy’s? And how great that so many of them were women?

NEXT: a star-studded Evening with Women

AN EVENING WITH WOMEN

On April 24 I went to the appropriately, if obviously, titled event, “An Evening With Women,” at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. The annual party, formerly known as “Women’s Night,” is a huge fundraiser for the L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center, with proceeds supporting the Center’s women-specific services, including health, medical, and legal assistance, cultural programs, domestic violence prevention and education, self-enrichment courses, social events, and discussion groups.

I took a cab to the event because I still think I live in New York. It took about fifteen minutes for my cab to get from the entrance of the hotel to the drop-off point because every lesbian in the Southland arrived at the same time. I checked in and because I had told the coordinators that I would be writing about this event for AfterEllen.com, some misguided soul gave me a wristband, which entitled me to stand on the red carpet and take creepy paparazzi photos of the arriving celebs. I opted for the bar instead, which was positioned within the silent auction. The auction items ranged from a scooter signed by Pink to a series of free therapy sessions.

I looked around for familiar faces. It took longer than usual to identify people because everyone was wearing their big-girl clothes – shockingly, mostly dresses.

I finally located Dara Nai who had gone the fancy suit route.

Maybe Dara had been drinking or maybe she’s just a big bully, but she somehow convinced me to go back to the red carpet and take pictures. I don’t need to do that again. I’m not cut out for standing on a milk crate listening to people shriek the names of dazed looking celebrities and insults at each other for “blocking the shot with overflash.” Also, I have a little point and shoot that can’t fire off 10 shots in a row so I mostly wound up taking pictures of Cybill Shepard‘s ear.

When Paris Hilton showed up some burly camera guy pushed me off my (stolen) crate and nearly blinded me with his elbow so he could get his perfect shot. I went back to the bar…I mean auction.

Eventually everyone was herded into the main ballroom and seated. Food came flying onto the tables at breakneck pace. I’m a vegetarian and normally at “chicken or fish” functions the veggie option is some Frisbee shaped mushroom, so I was shocked when an artfully arranged tofu steak arrived. I would also like the dessert chef to contact me about a marital arrangement. I guess everyone was transfixed by the food because they waited for everyone to finish eating before starting the show.

Linda Perry was the brains behind the operation this year. She also purchased three tables and raffled off tickets at local lesbian events so that those who could not otherwise afford tickets had a shot at coming. I must admit, I don’t think I’ve heard her sing since “What’s Up” topped the charts during a particularly unfortunate dermatological point of my adolescence. When she took the stage and belted out “Letter to God,” she was absolutely astonishing. I know Linda has a huge career as a songwriter/producer for others, but why on earth isn’t she still a prominent recording artist?

Speaking of prominent recording artists, Christina Aguilera (a recipient of Perry’s songwriting genius) performed as well, singing Perry’s “Beautiful” and John Lennon’s “Mother.” She was un-freaking-believable. Ever since she went back to being a blond she’s been en fuego. Blonde people are spectacular.

Sharon Stone hosted the Live Auction and I’m sure brought a great deal of money to this great cause so I won’t dwell on the fact that she didn’t seem to be particularly…uh…lucid. She was probably just hungry.

Jennifer Coolidge was the evening’s host, replacing Gina Gershon who couldn’t make it. She was hysterical, opening with the line, “I had no idea I was gay until I got here tonight,” and kept everything moving flawlessly and brilliantly.

Leisha Hailey and Camila Grey‘s band Uh Huh Her performed after an intro by Shane… I mean Katherine Moennig.

The crowd also went wild for Sarah Silverman.

The night’s five honorees were women of significant contribution but limited celebrity, and a great job was done of giving them their due while keeping the party rolling. A number of women who had been well served by the Center also spoke. When the official show was over, Samantha Ronson spun for the lively and lengthy after-party.

NEXT: Sunday at the Abbey

SUNDAY AT THE ABBEY

Looking for a fun activity devoid of civic merit, and looking for my friends who are devoid of civic merit, I headed over to The Abbey last Sunday afternoon. If there was such a thing as a gay bar tourist trap The Abbey would be it, but with good reason.

Originally a coffee shop, The Abbey has expanded more and more throughout the years and now boasts a labyrinth of indoor and outdoor lounge areas. Dress is casual and non-pretentious, although you should at least brush your hair since it is impossible to not run into people you know, alongside people you hope will hire you/sleep with you/etc.

The women show up early on Sundays, around 3:00. They are of the Hollywood-hipster variety, all wearing low-slung jeans and graphic t-shirts. Not a lot of purses. Most claim they are stopping by for one drink before returning home to do something responsible, typically hiking, cooking, or finishing up their AfterEllen.com columns.

Next thing they know it’s 10 p.m.and their shoes are missing.

Anyway, the women are there when the sun is still out so you can get a good look at everyone before the cloak of night and haze of overpriced drinks descends upon you. Or if you aren’t feeling as creepy as that last sentence sounded, you can do something pure like the group of AfterEllen.com readers I chatted with, who come every Sunday with their Scrabble board and make a day of it. Love those guys, particularly as they agreed to pose for a photo for this column, unlike my “friends.”

If you’re not that organized, you can wander the perimeter in search of semi-celebrities. I recently spotted Tabitha of Tabitha’s Salon Takeover, Guin Turner, Jackie Warner, and Wilson Cruz who will always be “Rickie” to me.

The Sunday vibe is both typical LA and relaxed. Blackberries and iPhones are strewn across every table, but on this day their purpose seems to be only for taking horrifying pictures of friends and immediately uploading them to Facebook.

People bring dogs who are lavished with attention and miraculously not trampled. Everyone leaves their sunglasses on well past dark.

Girls exchange numbers while in the longest bathroom line ever. The omnipresent Rrrrrrrrosas!!!!! lady circles again and again until finally you lose your will to resist her and you buy a rose for someone who will probably leave it on the table or in their car overnight. I understand the Roses Lady now has a MySpace page. Is nothing sacred?

It was time to go when the old clock on the wall said “pizza.” Next time, I am only staying for an hour.

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