“Guiding Light” mini-cap 6/5: You can’t always get what you want

I must preface this blog with an admission: This week’s recap could just as easily be last week’s recap with Doris and a Sunday school lesson thrown in. I am not so naive about this genre that I don’t realize the normal pace is just a knot faster than continental drift. Add in the logistics that Jessica Leccia (Natalia) is now 19 months pregnant, and you have, Slow-talia.

I find myself focusing more on such things as Doris is now wearing her summer compliment of two jackets, Olivia appears to grow and shrink from scene to scene with the length of her jeans, and when Nat tells Rafe she has food in the car, all I can think of is yeah, and you have a watermelon under your coat.

While Father Ray is spreading the ministerial manure in the mini-mart, I can’t keep my eyes off of the strategically placed Charmin. And where does GL get their background music? I know they have a Telemundo budget, but this week it began more like Bollywood. Anyway, as Otalia has to realize this week that you can’t always get what you want, the same can be said for my recaps; if you try, sometimes you get what you read.

Here we go.

Olivia seeks out our favorite chapeau-loving charlatan to ask her expert advice on the societal re-introduction of ex-cons. Feeling quite smart in her new jacket, Doris surmises Liv is talking about Rafe. Olivia doesn’t deny she is inquiring out of selfish reasons. Olivia is looking for a little comfort, but instead she found Doris, and the interrogation turned on her. Doris, always the voice of the viewer, asks Liv if she’s worried that if something doesn’t happen between her and Nat soon. It never will.

Rafe wants to join the Springfield Police department like his dad. He is worried that his mistakes will cost him. Natalia says Gus wasn’t perfect; he made many mistakes (like when he slept with chaste Natalia while he was married), but he had integrity and character just like Rafe, the accidental attempted murderer.

Olivia is happy for Rafe that he is getting on with his life. When she says as much to Natalia, you just know it’s coming — Natalia gets that “IDK” look and deflects the subject. Rafe wants to make her proud since he has disappointed her in the past. Liv agrees, “There is nothing worse than disappointing someone you love.” Ouch, verbal assault right there in front of the police department.

When Frank finds out about Rafe’s plan he gets a pained realization on his face. No, not the usual pained look, an actual realization. OK, who saw this coming? Am I the only one who watches Law and Order? You can’t be a police officer with a felony conviction — even in Springfield.

Rafe lies to Nat that he is on a waiting list. Unfortunately, Ashlee Wolfe is ahead of him on that list and she has pull with the mayor. Perhaps a part-time job would be good in the interim. Natalia calls to tell Olivia. She’s alone in her office. Funny, this office doesn’t have a bed. She’s not that clever, is she? Olivia tells Rafe to come over; she wants to help him. She tells Nat she would do anything for her. Yep, she is that clever. Score.

Olivia offers Rafe a couple of opportunities, bus boy with tips and security officer. Rafe says forget it; he is going to ask Grandpa Whackadoodle for help. Hey, Rafe, she is not asking you to kiss her feet, but this is Olivia Spencer, and unless you show a little respect, she may tell you to kiss her…

Rafe comes clean about the cop career and says he doesn’t want to take care of her dirty dishes. Olivia wants to know why he lied to his mother; he should tell her the truth. Rafe snaps, “Who the hell do you think you are anyway? This has nothing to do with you.” Are you kidding me, this is the woman who has been lip-leering your mom for months. It’s time Doris drops a bomb on this boy.

Olivia tells Nat the truth about Rafe’s felony preventing him from ever becoming a cop. Natalia pities her bonded-out bambino. Olivia admonishes Nat for babying him. He is a grown man and needs to handle life’s setbacks. Coddling him is not good for any of them. An upset Natalia says this is about Rafe not them.

Liv wants to know how long they will have to wait. That’s a question thousands of us are asking. Natalia says Rafe is her son and he needs her attention now. If that means she has to wait to be with Olivia, then that’s how it has to be.

Natalia runs into that bastion of Christian kindness, Father Ray. He asks if she told Rage about her feelings for Olivia. Not yet. Father Ray of Sunshine says that maybe the reason she’s not telling Rafe is because she knows this is not what God wants. No, God is frustrated with the measured Otalia progression just like the rest of us. Father Ray says that maybe the reason she is having such a hard time with telling Rafe is because her feelings for Olivia are not that strong. Natalia walks away and turns the other cheek.

Olivia is waiting for Nat at the farmhouse. She apologizes for being impatient. She is not good at biding her time. Olivia’s going to give them their space. She will come back, but only if invited. Worried, Natalia questions if this is an ultimatum; tell Rafe or you are out of here? No, Nat found Emma when she wandered off; Liv owes Natalia as much with her son. Olivia admits she saw Rafe as an obstacle and got scared, but she is going to be patient because Nat is worth the wait.

Nat pleads Liv to come inside; she can make coffee. They can make passionate coffee. Olivia declines, trying to cut back on the asexual aphrodisiac. Reluctantly, Nat lets go and says she will call Olivia in about five minutes. Olivia says “I know” and waves goodbye.

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