“Guiding Light” mini-cap 6/12: Dirty minds

OK, GL, I can’t hold back. This week you have reduced me to my most common element. To all my pearl-wearing friends, I apologize in advance. Just clutch those Mikimoto’s to your chest and hold on. Now, let’s talk about sex.

Josh see Liv and motions for her to come over, and bring her muff-in for breakfast. How is she? Fine, in somewhat of a holding pattern. Good thing she has in flight fueling capabilities, she has been holding interminably.

Spencer doesn’t have a project? Oh there’s a project, she just can’t work on it yet. Josh inquires if she is looking for a way to exercise her time. She tells Josh to stay away from her muff-in.

They both have needs, but Liv doesn’t know what to do with them. Uh, you want my whole list, or just the top ten? Josh says you have to come up with a way to expend the energy. Volunteer, help people, that’s what he does. Olivia has an idea. Helping is good. She leaves and takes her muff-in with her. What, GL, no pet beaver?

Natalia is abandoned by her entire cookie committee. Olivia walks in. She says she loves baking cookies with Nat. Liv grabs the bag of semi-sweets and pops one in Nat’s mouth. Chocolate is a substitute for sex, right? Emma wants to make chocolate chip next, but they can’t. Nat has eaten most of the morsels. I rest my case.

The morning after, Olivia is munching on a Nat cookie. It smells delicious, just like Natalia. What are in these magical macaroons? One bite has Frank proposing and Liv in a lather.

Nate and Rafe meet with the parole officer. Rafe is an ass with attitude. Natalia tries to compensate for Rafe’s lack of enthusiasm saying he is looking for a job and continuing his education, having already mastered the BS.

Olivia sees Blake reading and reacting to a trashy novel. Liv hears Balk ask if she wants carnal in her coffee. Huh? What? Blake asks again, Liv, do you want caramel in your coffee. Yes, more coffee.

Olivia’s motor is stalled. Josh comes by with his tool and asks if he can service her. Maybe if he giggles her connection it might make contact. Liv says it’s all yours. Start it. The constriction rises. Contact and contact back.

Olivia pulls back and says she shouldn’t have — even though she does it so well. She is lost for words and breath. Josh repairs the car and tells Liv to call him next time she needs a fix. Thanks, GL, this eppy of Liv’s Label-less Lust just saved me $9.95 On Demand.

Trying to relax, Olivia is doing yoga in her room. Liv, you can down dog all day, what you need is the Karma Sutra. She leaves without bothering to tie her shoes.

Liv is in a special “lingerie” store. She is perusing the battery-powered pleasure when Blake appears. Olivia tries to make an excuse but really what’s the point? Blake is right — a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do if who she’s gotta to do is unavailable.

Blake says the oscillating orgasm object is great; it’s weird at first, but Liv will get used to it. Liv says she is just browsing. She doesn’t need it; she has plenty of opportunities. Blake says, yeah, but it’s more about choice and time management.

Liv and Blake go back to the hotel and open a bottle of wine. Blake says she should have bought the red one red looks good on you. Natalia should consider a red scarf, then.

Liv says she doesn’t even know what to do with the one she purchased. Blake says it will save her from making bad choices, and it will never cheat on her — unless she wants it to.

Olivia says she misses sex, it’s a big part of who she is, but she got sidetracked with the Gus-heart, the recovery, and always finding Emma. Blake is shocked! Ho-livia Spencer? But, Blake admits she would give up anything to be with the love of her life again.

Olivia is alone with her wine. She stares at the agitating apparatus on the table. She decides this is stupid and runs out.

Rafe and Nat are home. Rafe tells Natalia he got a part-time job at the hardware store. I’m thinking a hardware store other than the one Liv and Blake shop.

Olivia pulls up. She saw Rafe going for his run and he looked happy. Nat says he got a job, he’s turning a corner, and they won’t have to wait anymore. Olivia says waiting is really just cherishing every moment they have together for whatever it is. Nat agrees, but she wants more.

Liv acknowledges that if they never have more, if they remain friends who love each other more than anything in the world, she wants that, too. She doesn’t mind giving up things to be with Nat. Liv stares into Natalia’s eyes, leans in and thrusts her — sorry, I unavoidably left the recap and entered my own fantasy soap sequence. Where was I?

Ah. Nat and Liv are sitting on the front porch steps. Nat is stroking Olivia’s hand. Oh yeah, I’m back. They miss everything about being apart. They can think of little else.

There is that plane again towing a new banner that says “Kiss Her Before We Die!”

Nat says she wants everything two people in love share; she doesn’t want to give up anything to be together. There is more touching in the next two minutes than there has been in the last year.

Uh, oh — the camo-clad Grim Rager is watching.

Liv says being near Natalia is all she needs, and if sex never happens she won’t love her any less. What? Huh? Natalia wants it, and says it will happen. It will be OK, and they both admit they are terrified.

Olivia is not sure what she has done deserve this. Natalia says Liv makes her so happy she could do the “I love Olivia” dance. Isn’t that the Sapphic tango — one step forward, one step back?

Rafe appears from underneath his cloaking device. He stares at them; must be the outside lighting. Natalia suggests a family dinner, something corny.

Rafe goes to talk to Olivia. Jane is there with Emma and leaves her with Rafe to hook up. Rafe questions the kid about her mommy and his. She shows him My Two Mommies. And that sound you hear is the Acme anvil falling.

Otalia are setting up the special dinner — special because they are together. They open celebratory champagne with more intimate touching. Rage comes up and says, “Ma, what the hell are you doing with Dr. Carly Manning?”

As sand through the hourglass, so goes the days of Otalia.

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