Queen Sophie-Ann makes her debut on “True Blood”

The moment we had all been waiting for finally happened last night: Evan Rachel Wood brought her dark sex appeal to True Blood. I might get burned at the stake or torn into by maenads for saying this, but what they did with Sophie-Ann Queen of the Vampires was a Snorefest from Snoozerville.

Evan really wasn’t given a lot to work with but before I get to the bad stuff, the one thing they did right was make her sexy. If Sophie-Ann wanted to take a chug of femoral blood from me, I’d tell her to sharpen her teeth and put on her best bedazzled bib.

It’s a shame, but sexiness couldn’t save the lame storyline they gave to her character this episode.

First, I must ask, of all games to play, why Yahtzee? It has to be one of the most boring games to ever be played, especially for someone with the brains of a vampire. I mean, if I’m Queen of the Vampires, I’d want everyone to know how smart and powerful I am. I wouldn’t want to play anything other than Boggle, Trivial Pursuit and Jeopardy (because Alex Trebek is dead sexy).

Second, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Vampire Bill is one of my least favorite characters because there is no actual conversation to be had. It’s all “Sookie” this and “Sookie” that.

Sophie-Ann says she could care less about Sookie, Maryann and anything else happening in Bon Temps and I don’t blame her. She’s got a sweet (if not totally gaudy) palace filled with good-looking mortals to occupy her time.

The queen’s current interest, Hadley

Bill won’t shut up about having to get back to his Sookie. Get over it, have some B negative and enjoy yourself. Take one down, pass it around Bill!

At this point, I find Eric sexier than Bill and infinitely more interesting. He needs to up his game and get his pimp limp back in motion. Bill Compton is a one-suck-wonder and if I were Sophie-Ann I would’ve given him the information he wanted and told him to just send a text message next time.

I know Sophie-Ann is more bisexual than gay in the books, but I got the full-on lesbian vibe from her in this episode. (She says she hasn’t enjoyed sex with a man since the Eisenhower era — that’s the first clue.)

Luckily, the next episode looks way more intense and interesting for Sophie-Ann’s character. I feel like we’re always in for a treat whenever Eric stops by. Judging by his affinity for Godrick, there’s more of a chance he’d sink his, ahem, teeth into a lucky cabana boy.

What did you think of last night’s episode? I know a lot of you have read the books — did Evan do a good job of taking on Sophie-Ann?