Celia’s lesbian storyline is dead in the water on “Weeds”

Warning: Possible spoilers ahead!

The torrid affair between Celia and Raylene on Weeds, like all things on that show, has gone to pot. I had predicted that Celia, whose addictive personality is rivaled only by Pete Doherty‘s, would become addicted to strap-on sex, since she never stops talking about it in Episode 11. Unfortunately — or fortunately for our delicate eyes — the lesbian storyline looks like it is about as dead as Pilar.

In the season finale, Celia, after tying Doug up in a storage unit, waxes poetic about kissing ladies but then declares, “Oh, who am I kidding. I need dick.”


However, where there is no overt lesbian storyline, there is always Plan B: Subtext!

The real story here is Celia’s obsession with Nancy. Celia, despite her outward disdain for Nancy, has always followed Nancy around like a puppy. Over the course of five seasons, Celia has attempted to wriggle into Nancy’s circle but was never allowed to eat with the cool kids in the high school lunchroom.

In Episode 12 of Season 5, Celia finally decides to take matters into her own hands and “out-Nancy Nancy,” even going so far as to dye her hair brown and start, as her daughter Isabelle puts it, “dressing like a prostitute.”

And she didn’t even have to use her stash of You’re Pretty cosmetics to do it.

In the season finale, while Nancy is occupied with the thorny task of getting Guillermo to assassinate megabitch Pilar, Celia assembles Nancy’s old pot dealing team — Doug, Dean and Sanjay — and formally enters into the entreprenurial world of drug dealing. Celia’s transformation into Nancy has become complete.

So who else thinks that Celia has it bad for Nancy? Let’s see a show of hands.