“Thintervention” recap 1.1: No cheeseburgers, vedgies

There are few things I enjoy in life more than a weight loss show. Thankfully, lesbian Jackie “six pack attack” Warner has heard my plea for a new weight loss show. Thintervention made its debut last night and proves that not only are fat people funny, we’re also really bitchy and catty, too!

The show started in the gym on the spinning bikes and introduced us to the brave souls who have signed on for the challenge. Bryan is worried Jackie has bigger balls than he has and looks mean. Mandy, 48, must think that look is kind of hot because she “isn’t gay” but finds Jackie "sooo attractive."

Stacy is a 23-year-old Jewish comedian (that’s how we cope!) who says correctly, “Jews and their food — you can’t separate them!” We are one of the only cultures where your family will shove food down your throat and then make you feel guilty about eating it.

Four minutes into the show and I spy a Real Housewife of the OC. Jeana is aiming to lose 25 pounds and, as someone who used to watch her show, I am hoping she gets a lot of therapy.

Jackie Wisdom: "Don’t avoid the burn — chase it."

Nikki, 39, needs to lose 50 pounds but feels naked without her cocktails. Suddenly this show is like looking into a mirror. She can’t bear the thought of going a night without a cocktail or three.

Jackie asks Bryan what he wants to gain from this experience and he says he wants to wear fabulous clothes. I don’t blame him — he has a super hot boyfriend, Miguel.

Nikki Wisdom: "It’s difficult to be a queer and a little chubby."

She is mistaking gay men for hipsters. He can be a bear, but wearing skinny jeans is out of the question.

Joe is an event planner with a love of cheeseburgers and rolling his eyes at other fat people. He thinks his farts smell like cinnamon sprigs and cotton candy.

Kim and Shay are the only mother/daughter duo on the show and when the pounds start melting off they are going to be stone foxes.