“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (1.10): Janie’s Got a Gun

OK, OK, you guys — calm down. We can get through this together. First things first: Holy expletive deleted! Second thing: Who needs a hug? Third thing: Rizzoli & Isles is coming back for a second season next summer and they aren’t going to suddenly rename the show & Isles. So, relax, Jane Rizzoli will be fine. But still, dude, what kind of crazy ass finale was that?

Unlike past episodes where you could spot the drunk at the party as the person who picked “touching” in the Rizzoli & Isles Lesbian Subtext Drinking Game, for the finale the surefire road to alcoholism was choosing “gunfire.” Hell, even mentioning the title, “When the Gun Goes Bang, Bang, Bang,” gets you three shots into your night. So let’s just wade right in and give your friend who picked shooting as her drink cue a bucket. She is going to need it.

Hey kids, crack is whack. So, you know, don’t smoke it. And definitely don’t smoke it in a warehouse above an illegal drug ring where an undercover cop is about to be shot in the head. I’m just saying, I think that would bring down your buzz. Also, drugs are bad.

But look who it is doing the smoking: it’s Melonie Diaz from the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. If you yelled that at your screen when you saw her you have a) seen too many lesbian movies b) probably just got punched in the arm by your girlfriend because she knows you just remember her for those lips.

I’d also like to note that hiring an actress who was the lead in film only lesbians (and perhaps a few drunken frat boys) saw cranks the subtext meter up past 11. I mean, really, TNT — we’re on to you.

So crack gal hears some noises, which turn out to be the aforementioned undercover cop about to get killed. He stole a little packet of cocaine, which the boss finds out about. And he is wearing a wire, which the boss also finds out about. So the boss goes bang. But who is the boss? Well not Tony Danza or anyone we know yet. But we do know that an apple a day for this poor guy will not keep Dr. Maura Isles away.