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“Las Aparicio” recap: Episodes 64-66

Episode 64 kicks off with Julia and Alma sitting on a couch, T-A-L-K-I-N-G. Julia is confused about her confusion regarding the decision she finally made. You know, the one in which she decided between Mariana and Armando by choosing them both.

Even though Julia starts off this whole conversation by announcing that Mariana and Armando ran her off the premises with pitchforks and torches, she’s still asking Alma whether she thinks this whole threesome thing might work out. They decide the world is not quite ready yet for Julia’s revolutionary, polyamourous desires.

Meanwhile, Mariana is also riding on Julia’s choo-choo train of confusion except she’s on the car marked “WTF” while Julia is perpetually in the one reserved for the Queen of Tergiversation.

Hernan helps by offering to share tales of threeway love from his days as a hippy.

Mariana: Yeah, but how many old hippies do you know that still live in trios?

He can’t think of any and neither can I because I don’t actually know any hippies.

The depth of Mariana’s suffering is so deep and vast that Hernan shrugs helplessly and decides to help by leaving her to go buy sodas so that Mariana can suffer in peace.

Armando isn’t suffering quite as deeply because this is the sort of stuff going around in his brain:

Except he’s not really into the idea of a threesome with Mariana so he wakes up all distraught.

The next day, Mariana finds herself alone, in bed, talking to an imaginary Julia.

Mariana: Okay, Julia, this is about love, no? And I, I love you … and … you’re my everything and you’re my person and even if you aren’t my everything because I have to share you … it’s okay …

Then the imaginary Julia replies.

Mariana (as Imaginary Julia): Oh, thank you, Mariana. You have no idea how much I love you…

Mariana (as Armando): And I you, flaca … I love you more and I love you better and I love you like man…

And then she beats up the pillow and yells in frustration. And oh, look who just showed up to witness this display of raw emotion …

No, not Dexter.

This guy:

Armando tells her that if it makes her feel better, he feels the same way. He asks what they’re going to do and Mariana tells him that everyone’s on their own and that Julia is going to have to decide because the three of them don’t fit in one bed. Armando agrees.

I agree, too.

But hey, you know who’s not suffering? Julia.

She’s rather enjoying her time with her family until Aurelia and Rafaela start asking her about Mariana and whether she’s going to go see her on her day off and whether she misses her or not. Julia avoids the subject by refusing to give a clear answer and leaving.

Later on she’s doing research on polyamorous relationships when she gets a visit from Armando and Mariana.

They have stopped by to tell Julia that they can’t do what she’s asking them to do because they love her and don’t want to share her or share themselves.

Mariana: You’re going to have to decide, Julia. It’s him … or me.

I know, Julia, how dare they! Don’t they know you’re the center of the universe? Unacceptable!

Since they obviously misunderstood what she wants from them she launches into another explanation about how she loves them both and needs to have them both because she can’t choose between them.

Duh, you guys.

Rafaela accidentally overhears Julia’s monologue about her Uniquely Indiscriminate Feelings and retreats back to her lair to plan out Armando’s demise.

Mariana and Armando are both losing patience with Julia and tell her that she’s got until that evening to make a decision. Pick one of them OR ELSE.

Later on, Rafaela tries to broach the subject with Julia but they end up just yelling at each other because Julia doesn’t want her mother involved in her polyamorous decisions.

Julia: What’s happening, mom, is that I’m in love with two people and they can’t understand that and they’re making me choose between them.

Those selfish bastards.

Rafaela tells Mariana to scoot over in the WTF car of the choo-choo train of confusion and yells at Julia to stop treating Armando and Mariana like objects instead of human beings. She’s worried about Julia’s inability to make decisions.

Julia: I’ve made a decision. The problem is that no one wants to support that decision. So, I don’t know what to do.

Then she says she has to go because she’s got a lot of things to do. Like, figure out how to get two people who hate each other into a relationship with her.

From there, we move on to episode 65, where we find Julia plotting and planning or otherwise just trying to make a decision.

She drops by Alma’s class, where the topic du jour is polyamory.

Alma: Who stands to lose more: the person who chooses or the person who decides not to choose?

I’ve figured out why Julia has come to think of herself as the center of the universe. She goes to an acting class, and the exercise mirrors her life. Later she gets cast in a TV show and the plot mirrors her life. She stops by her sister’s workshop, and the class subject mirrors her life. No wonder the girl is confused about reality.

Oh, but hey, it’s evening! Decision time!

But first, a lesson on polyamory by Dr. Julia Aparicio.

Julia is now an expert on polyamorous relationships and can draw diagrams to prove it.

She draw’s a ‘V’ to illustrate the type of relationship they will be having once she’s done convincing them that this is what she wants they want. Personally, I think the V should always stand for vagina, which should make Julia’s decision very simple. In this case, though, the V actually stands for very self-centered and delusional.

Julia explains that in her version of reality, the two of them will date her and only her and definitely not each other. This is fair and makes sense because she needs two times the love and attention and they each only need half.

Julia finishes her lesson by saying that she’s sorry if they don’t understand but to please not make fun because she took the time to research this and study this and memorize complex illustrations. She gets that they will need time and space in order to remember that they can’t live without her and will inevitably give in to all this nonsense anyway.

Later on, Julia is hanging out with Alma and Mercedes. Her sisters giggle at the fact that Julia had the guts to say all those things to Armando and Mariana.

Mercedes: It’s impressive. I … I have nothing to say. I am at a loss for words.

They ask how Mariana and Armando reacted and Julia says it was like she’d shown them a horror movie in 3D. The only thing she knows is that she was honest. Her sisters press her about what it is she’s looking for, and Julia insists that she wants both Mariana and Armando because she truly, madly, deeply loves them both.

She drew diagrams in a big notebook. What more do these people want?

Over at her apartment, Mariana sits on the futon having flashbacks about Julia. Like when they made out on Julia’s bed and that one time they had sex.

The next morning, Hernan drops by and asks her how it’s going with Julia.

Mariana: Wonderful, perfect, geometricizing love.

Mariana doesn’t want to talk about it and that’s fine by Hernan cause he’s got a different topic for Mariana.

He wants to talk to her about her last name. He wants her to take his.

And then we move on to episode 66, where Aurelia’s opening monologue treats us to some more of Mariana’s Julia-related flashbacks.

When we meet up with Mariana again, she’s in the Aparicio kitchen with Aurelia and Rafaela, who are asking her why she’s not been by to see them. Mariana says she’s been busy cooking and that she’ll bring them some samples later.

She tries to leave, but Rafaela insists that she join her for a cup of coffee. Rafaela tells her that she overheard what Julia said to them the other day and that she doesn’t agree with any of it. She doesn’t like what Julia is doing to Mariana, to Armando and to herself. She doesn’t understand it and she doesn’t subscribe to it.

We all know that Rafaela is forever Team Mariana.

Over at the Atelier, Armando tries to get Alma to help him with the whole Julia situation. Alma tells him that she can’t control what Julia thinks or feels or does and wouldn’t want to anyway. Armando says he’s lost because he doesn’t want to share Julia but he also doesn’t want to lose her. Alma tells him that she doesn’t feel comfortable having that conversation and that the three of them will have to resolve it themselves.

Back at Casa Aparicio, Rafaela has no trouble at all having that conversation. She’s annoyed at Julia and letting it all out. She recounts Julia’s many indecisions and tells Mariana that none of it is right.

Rafaela doesn’t want to see Mariana get hurt further and wants her to let Julia go if that would be healthiest.

Rafaela: Julia is my daughter. I love her with all of my heart, but it’s not worth it, my love.

Mariana: But I love her.

Rafaela: Of course you love her, but you also have to decide what you want for yourself. You have the right to be happy. If Armando was sitting right there, I’d tell him the same thing. The two of you deserve the best.

Mariana: The best? Patroncita, Julia is my best. She’s my best friend. She’s my best companion. She’s my life and without her…

Rafaela: Hermann Hesse said, ‘To be born, you must destroy a world.’

He also said, “Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” Not that Mariana is ever letting go. She’s in luuurve and as Mother Teresa said, “If you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” I’m not sure she was talking about polyamory, though.

In the meantime, Mariana decides to call someone to come by and change the locks on her front gate because it will keep curly-haired vermin from wandering in uninvited. I’m all for this.

Unfortunately, as she’s in the middle of explaining to the lady on the phone that she wants more locks on her doors because she needs to guard her house and her heart more, she realizes maybe she doesn’t want to guard her heart so much and tells the lady never mind.

Over at Armando’s, he’s in the middle of calling Julia to offer to pick her up from the set, but then Mariana shows up out of the blue and ruins those plans.

Mariana: You’re not going anywhere.

I love bossy Mariana.

Armando: Have you come to say you don’t want any part of the arrangement or to discuss how we’re going to schedule our time with Julia, because honestly, I prefer Sundays.

Mariana: I’ve come to discuss totally the opposite.

She wants them both to stop the madness. Neither one gets Julia.

That’s like… if you have two chocolate addicts and they’re both dating this giant Twix bar and the giant Twix bar is like, “I want you both,” and the chocolate addicts are like, “No way, neither of us get you!” Pffft. Like it wouldn’t take two seconds for them both to be munching away on the Twix bar. Please.

Did I mention I’m on cold medicine? Okay, I’m not, but I should be.

Where was I?

Oh yes, Mariana has diagrams.

It looks a lot like Julia’s diagram except it’s in purple which is a gay color and it matches the rag on her head.

Mariana proposes that they make a pact to stay away from Julia because they can’t keep letting her lead them around like two lost puppies. The only way she will learn to choose is if they both agree to see her as little as possible, and with zero romantic intentions.

They’re totally drunk as they make this pact so you know it’s serious and will hold up well against the test of time.

Yeah, they’re totally doomed.

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