“Grey’s Anatomy” minicap: “Superfreak”

Welcome to Grey’s Anatomy Season 7, Episode 3 entitled “Superfreak” aka “Give Calzona More Screen Time!”  I have decided to time each scene that Callie and Arizona are in together during this 43-minute episode to prove that the lesbian couple is getting the short end of the stick. My prediction is that Calzona gets less than three minutes of screen time.

The show starts off with a knock, knock, knock at Meredith’s bedroom door. Derek and Meredith are sleeping and a knocking Cristina opens up the door and crawls into bed with the McDreamys. Meredith tells Cristina that Derek is sleeping so he won’t care that she’s in bed with them. But of course Derek wakes up and attempts to cuddle his wife and finds Cristina spooning Meredith on the other side. Last week Grey’s resembled gay porn and this week it’s turning into TLC’s new show Sister Wives.

McBeardy job is complete so he’s gathered all the doctors together to say his goodbyes. The only doctor McBeardy still hasn’t cleared for surgery is Cristina. Derek says he’d like to work with Cristina and everyone pipes in and says she’s not ready yet. Derek says that if Cristina doesn’t participate in surgeries soon that she’ll leave the program. Derek gives an ultimatum, “If she goes, I go.” Derek exits and tells Cristina that she’s now assigned to work with him. Cristina protests and Derek walks off.

Calzona Scene # 1 – Start the clock at the 3 minute and 22 second mark:

Arizona tells Callie that it’s time for Owen and Cristina to move out. Arizona will be moving into Callie’s apartment soon and the newlyweds should get a place of their own. Plus, Cristina’s PTSD is bringing a bad vibe into the apartment.

I can’t believe all these doctors live together. Aren’t they all rich? Shouldn’t they have their own apartments, if not large mansions? Since Callie and Arizona rarely ever get their own scenes together, it’s not surprising that Teddy is in the room crying over McBeardy’s departure. Arizona reminds Teddy that she wasn’t supposed to get attached to McBeardy and she needs to be tough like G.I. Jane.  Does that mean Teddy’s going to shave her head?

Teddy: I’m such an idiot. I’m not G.I. Jane, I’m Attachment Barbie!

Arizona gets up and hugs Teddy. (Wait, no hug for Callie? She’s your actually girlfriend!) Arizona tells Teddy that she’ll feel better if she tells Cristina to get out of Callie’s apartment. Teddy laughs and the scene ends at 4:29.

Stop the clock at the 4 minute and 29 second mark.  Total Calzona screen time: 1 minute and 7 seconds.

There is a new doctor in town, Derek’s sister, Doctor Amelia “Amy” Shepherd. McSteamy hits on her (of course) and guess what, she’s a neurosurgeon just like her big brother. Which means the Shepherd family must have a lot of student loans.

Amy shows up to rekindle with her relationship with Derek since he won’t return her phone calls. Some people are just not phone people. Derek seems more like a texting kind of guy to me.

Amy brings Derek a gift, a patient with a brain tumor. I’d prefer a gift-card from Macy’s. Derek is less than happy to see his McSibling and tells her to go home. McSibling can’t go home yet because there is still 38 minutes left in this episode.  Derek asks McSibling if she met the brain tumor patient in the Mile High Club.

In case you don’t already know, joining the Mile High Club is when you have sex on a plane. Airplane bathrooms are too small for one person, how can two people possibly have sex in them? That’s a rhetorical question. Please don’t answer.

Meredith doesn’t understand why Derek is being mean to his sister and encourages him to buy McSibling a cup of coffee. Derek says that he has lots of sisters and can’t afford to buy them all coffee. How expensive if coffee in Seattle these days? Apparently, there are five Shepherd children. I didn’t know that, did you?