“Rizzoli & Isles” Retro Subtext Recap (1.02): Three strikes, you’re gay

It’s gnocchi night back at Jane’s apartment. Mama, Papa and Baby Bear Rizzoli are all there. Mama Rizzoli wants Jane to tell Frankie to leave the force and join Papa Rizzoli in his plumbing business, Rizzoli & Sons. She says Jane should tell him all the things she missed out on by being a cop, like kids and a husband who adore her. Before Jane has to repeat the obvious fact that she doesn’t need a husband to have kids and she already has someone who adores her, her cell phone rings.

Another strangulation victim, this time found tucked neatly into her bed. Not to be insensitive to the dead or anything, but Jane and Maura are totally doing that flirting thing over a dead body we talked about earlier.

Turns out the names of the first two murdered women match the names of past Boston Strangler victims. Copycat, right? Well, Korsak says some cops never thought Albert DeSalvo, the man convicted of the crimes, was the culprit and now the real strangler has returned 46 years later. Guess crazies wearing tinfoil hats aren’t the only conspiracy theory lovers.

Maura is on her “date” with bad tan suit guy. And, guess what, he is still wearing the same bad tan suit and ugly purple tie as at the softball field. Seriously, dude, you’re on a date with she of the fantastically shiny and bouncy hair – make an effort. She talks to him about history and literature and science. He looks at her dumbly and then goes in for a kiss. Maura quickly realizes something is wrong.

1) He isn’t Jane. And 2) He has Marfan Syndrome, a genetic disorder of the connective tissue. These are the perils of dating Web M.D., diagnosis by candlelight dinner. He bolts, Maura is left alone.

Jane is still working the Boston Strangler-is-back angle. She and Korsak go to find one of the original case detectives. Hey, look, it’s Brian Dennehy. Hmm, now I’ve watched enough crime shows to know any Very Special Guest Star is automatically a suspect. But Jane and Korsak must be more Discovery Channel watchers because they seem oblivious to his conspicuous starpower – and the fact that he is an old, cranky, misogynistic drunk.

In the morgue, having returned from her disastrous diagnosis date, Maura is cruising Louboutins online like a good femme. Det. Frost comes in and still can’t stomach the dead bodies. Maura says he needs to try immersion therapy to get his morgue legs, like she did with overcoming her fear of live people. She prefers the dead because they’ll never tease or ridicule her, and she can speak for them. That’s our adorably macabre gal.