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“Coronation Street” recap: Kiss and Tell

When last we left our young Weatherfield lezzers, Sian skived off prom for an appendectomy and while she was in the throes medicated slumber, Sophie confessed her love. Luckily, in SoapLand, invasive surgery is over in a flash and you can return home in a matter of hours. So it is with Sian who hops out of her cab on Coronation Street and – clutching her left side – declares that she is still a little sore, but ready to get back to her regularly scheduled teen angst.

Sian, honey, either you really were faking your paralyzing pain to get out of prom – which, again, I totally approve of – or the doctor removed something other than your appendix.

Before the girls can properly discuss the fact that Sian’s parents have taken no interest in her major surgery and wonder if she’s going to be OK being raised by wolves now, Ryan appears. Sian says Ryan saved her life, and Ryan says, “I wouldn’t go that far.” And you know who else wouldn’t go that far? Sophie.

The only “far” that Soph wants w/r/t Ryan is “far away.” But he doesn’t pick up on the hate rays emanating from her eyeballs; instead he asks Sian out. Sian looks at Sophie and says that day time would be OK, and he says, “How about today?” And she says, “OK.” And Sophie’s face says, “Tonight is the night I will axe-murder you in your sleep.”

Sian picks up on Sophie’s hate rays immediately and explains that she couldn’t say no on account of Ryan did, in actual fact, do the one thing every single person in Ryan’s situation has always done since the history of appendix pain: Call for help. Sophie is gifted with the “go die in a fire face” (GDIAFF), which she utilizes on Sian before storming away.

Sian thinks she’s popping round to Ryan’s for a friendly lunch between mates, but Ryan has taken love advice from one of his mum’s potential suitors. So instead of kebabs and beer, fancy soup and water are the order of the day. Because “water is what people in L.A. drink for lunch.” Which is … true. But isn’t that true, like, everywhere in the world? I mean, I’ve only traveled in North America, Europe and the Caribbean, but water kinda seems like a beverage staple. Anyway, Ryan gets cozy and takes Sian’s hand and asks her to a music festival, which is, of course, Sophie’s cue to bust up into Ryan’s flat.

Ryan goes, “What do YOU want, Sophie?”

Um, for starters, she wants you to take your hands off her girlfriend, Ryan.

Sophie’s GDIAFF returns with a vengeance and so does her clomping exit strategy. Sian chases after her, even though the doctor specifically told her not to exert herself after her supposed appendix surgery.

Sian follows Sophie into some kind of cage(?), where Sophie has a tantrum about how Ryan just wants to get in Sian’s pants. Sian is super duper cute and says that Sophie is the one she loves and then they kiss, for real. It’s very sweet. Like, I had to get out my Skins DVDs just to verify that Naomi is a better kisser than Sian. (She is.)

Anyway, you’ll be as shocked as I was to hear Ryan shout, “Sian, what are you DOING?” Sian and Sophie jump away from each other and, awesomely, Sian goes, “Er, nothing!”

Poor Sian. The girl just got out of the hospital and now she’s got to chase Ryan back to his flat to calm him down. And this is something Corrie really gets right: The reaction of the of the scorned ex-boyfriend. Ryan is furious, which totally validates Sophie and Sian’s relationship. It’s not some kind of one-off, not some ratings ploy, not an opportunity to make a porn-y joke. It’s a real relationship with real feelings and a real physical expression of those feelings. Ryan’s reaction really gives weight to the story. And I like that. I like that a lot. He slings around the word “dyke” and asks Sian if she’s a lesbian.

Sian says “lesbian” is a big word – and she’s right, and probably this a discussion for another time: sexual fluidity and the political/cultural ramifications of labeling your sexuality. But this is a really beautiful thing here. And it’s important. The audience this show reaches, the tenderness with which the writers have handled every aspect of Sophie and Sian’s story. Sian confesses that she’s confused about a lot of things, but what she knows is that she’s in love with Sophie: “You don’t just say to God, ‘Oh, can I please be like this because I’m fed up with blokes and I don’t ever want kids. It’s something inside you!'”

Sian returns to Sophie and says they should pray that Ryan will keep their secret. Sophie says they could diffuse the whole thing by just telling people, but Sian says she’s not ready for the name-calling. And so they decide to wait and see what happens.

And what happens is I’ll be back tomorrow with more Sophian!

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