“Coronation Street” recap: Lez-beans

Last time: Ryan said he’d keep quiet about Sophie and Sian snogging, and then he changed his mind, and then he changed his mind again, and then he changed his mind again, and then he changed his mind again. Then he felt some feelings. Then he sold Sophie and Sian some concert tickets, presumably because he’s a nice guy, but actually because no one wanted to sleep in a one-man tent with him and he was out 90 quid.

This time: Sophie and Sian are snuggled up on the couch. Well, actually, Sophie is doing her nails and Sian is snuggled up to her laptop. Which: Love me, Love my internet, I always say. Sian says they’ve really got to get to this music festival because Vampire Weekend is going to be there. (Did you guys know Vampire Weekend’s Contra actually sold more copies in the UK than in the US, further proving the UK’s superiority?) Sophie snaps that she said she’d ask her mum as soon as she got in and Sian rightly suggests they "do the hoovering" to get on her good side. 

Sophie goes, "Look, Sian — if there’s one thing I’ve learned from Rosie, apart from how to dress like a hooker, it’s that my mum always knows when you’re after something. It’s best just to ask her straight up."

She does ask her straight up when she arrives home with Sophie’s dad, and her mum says, "No music festival, on account of hippies in tents are the most dangerous hooligans in all of Europe!" Sophie pouts and Sian’s all, "Why you gotta be a cackhanded numpty, Soph? I told you we should have done the hoovering!"

Ron Weasley and a Muggle buddy come to Sophie’s shop to buy vodka for Ron’s sixteenth birthday party. Sian, note, is wearing another shirt from the Eternal Gaymo Collection.

Sian mocks Ron Weasley a little when he invites them to his party, but they agree to go anyway, and I think it’s Sophie and Sian’s first proper date! Man, remember your first proper date with another girl? Siiiiigh. The punch at Ron Weasley’s party is spiked and Sian’s all for it, but Sophie — ever the boner killer — says to go easy. "Go outside and you’ll see why it’s called punch," she says. I didn’t even know that was a thing. Is that a real thing? Measuring your level of tipsiness by walking outside?  I usually measure my level of tipsiness by: speed at which the ceiling is spinning. Or speed at which my fingers are sending inappropriate text messages.