“Thintervention” recap 1.7: Suiting up

I can’t lie — I’ve been sick for the past two days and it just made watching last night’s episode of Thintervention that much harder. With the exception of Bryan, there hasn’t been anyone I’ve even wanted to root for. I’m just wondering why they chose a group of people who already seem to have it all. How about helping people who really can’t help themselves next time, OK?

This week, the contestants will be taken away and tested — it’s their last chance to use Jackie as a crutch — but first they’ll be alone for three days and have to try to motivate their butts to the gym and away from the fried coconut shrimp.

Bryan and Joe are both working out to their fullest potential. Mandy decides exercising is for chumps — she needs to spend as much time with her family as possible so that her days away at the spa don’t take as much of a toll on her. Mandy, pick up a cell phone and sext your hubby or get on a computer and Skype with your boys; get over it. Stacy and Shay are walking buddies – I think they should probably be jogging buddies. Nikki hopes there’s a bar at the resort Jackie is sending them to. Honestly, I think I’d need a bar to hang out with these people too.

When the participants arrive at the luxury spa, Craig gives them goodie bags from Jackie.

They each get swimsuits and yes they are going to be doing a water workout. Nikki says, “This is cruel to make us expose ourselves in this way”

Joe says, “You know what ladies? You’ve had six weeks to lose weight so suck it up, put on the swimsuits and meet us in the pool.” This infuriates me more than it probably should – but maybe this is because I know how hard it is to lose weight, not just as a woman, but especially as a woman.

Stacy is feeling comfortable with herself and she’s growing on me a little. Craig offers to show Shay his stretch marks (oh to be a fly on that wall). Shay actually looks pretty good in her suit; now she needs to get rid of the fake contacts. Craig cries when he sees Shay; he’s so proud of her. Craig also loves Bryan’s tits.

Down by the pool, Craig comes out in his teeny weenie mankini. Jackie wears her two-piece, too, and Joe, always the pig, tells Jackie to turn around so he can admire her body. Jackie looks like she wants to disembowel him.

His cockiness and confidence are ridiculous. Whoever wins the pool workout challenge gets to have their own room at the spa.

Nikki hates every second of being in a bathing suit in the water. Jeana, of course, does the opposite of what Jackie tells her to do and lets the water support her instead of actually making a challenging workout for herself. Stacy is working hard, Bryan is also working hard. Mandy is a snorkeler, not a swimmer. Um, OK.

Jackie tells these people that she wants to see what they’re going to eat in the real world. Earth to Jackie, my world doesn’t include scheduling gym classes and having nothing else to do but look at a menu to order off of while I have my personal trainer on the other line. You want some realness? I got your realness over here.

The winner of the swimming challenge is Stacy, who has shown some real drive lately. Jackie breaks up the rest of the participants into their bunking teams. When Nikki hears that she’ll be sleeping in the same room as Jeana, she goes off on a rant wondering what she’s done to deserve this. This hurts Jeana’s feelings and the waterworks begin. It’s the first sign of emotion coming through.

Stacy goes to her solo room and tells us she thrives on privacy. I’m not exactly sure what that means, especially because she immediately goes to Shay’s room to talk trash about Joemophobe.