Archive

“Coronation Street” recap: Lezzer umbrella (ella, ella)

Last time: Sophie and Sian lied about going to Southpaw so they could sneak off to a music festival in Leeds. Sally found out, grounded Sophie, and released Sian into the wild, to be raised by a pack of roguish wolves.

This time: Sian sneaks up on Sophie while she arranges flowers at the shop, all, “Oi! Flower Girl!” Sophie freaks out because of how her mother forbade them to see each other. Sian expresses her indignation with a growl and a whimper and the cutest pouting face you ever did see. Basically Sian says it’s stupid that they can’t see one another and that Sophie should risk it because even if her mum and dad find out, what are they going to do? Ground her for another forever? When Sophie says she can’t disobey them, Sian says she’s come up with the perfect cover: church choir.

Sophie is reluctant, but eventually agrees to the plan, because – in case you hadn’t noticed – she is actually physically incapable of saying no to Sian.

They watch a straight couple kiss across the road and wish it could be that easy for them. (You guys! It will be that easy for you one day! Because of you! Because you’re on TV every day being normal and gay and everyone who is watching you is learning that being gay is normal. And sweet. And warm. And they’re rooting for you! And that matters!)

Sophie asks her mum if she can join the choir and Sally is so chuffed when Sophie says the pastor rang and personally invited Sophie (lies!) that she clasps her hands and talks about how proud she is that Sophie is learning something from her punishment (lies!). She walks Sophie to the bus stop and says she can really trust Sophie now (lies!) because she’s not seeing Sian (lies!) and that means she’s like a certified grown-up (lies!).

I’m going to tell you the best thing ever about this choir in a few minutes, but for now you only need to know that Josh Groban music must be a hot button for Sophie because the whole time they’re singing “You Raise Me Up,” she is eye-shagging Sian like there’s no tomorrow.

Sian’s face is like, “Whaaa?”

And then their arms are like, “Hiiiiiiii.”

And then their hands are like, “Clasp!”

And then my heart is like, “Flutter, flutter, flutter.”

After “choir practice,” Sophie and Sian walk through a garden and Sian makes a big, huge, lesbian deal about how they need to be sitting right beside each other when they get their GCSE results. Actually, before that she tells Sophie that she’s more fit than Beyonce, which is another thing I love about love: how stupid blind it really is. I mean, Sophie is cute. But Beyonce? C’mon.

Sophie: We need to celebrate [our GCSEs], though.

Sian: Yeah, but how, though?

Sophie: I don’t know.

Sian: What are we going to do? Stay late one night after choir practice, just the two of us?

Sophie: OK.

Sian: Oh. Well. You don’t seem that fussed.

Sophie: No, Sian! I want to see you; of course I want to see you! It’s just that using the church as an excuse just doesn’t feel right!

Sian goes, “Well, does this feel right?” And she leans in to kiss her, and may I just say again that Sian is an exceptional kisser. Sophie doesn’t appreciate it, though. She pulls away and screeches about how someone could have seen them and then the whole world would implode plus three more eternities of being grounded!

The next day, Sally tells Sophie she’s going to cook a celebratory meal of celebration to celebrate Sophie’s GCSEs. Sophie says she might fail and Sally says that she’ll cook a horrible mean of horrible horribleness and they can sit around and feel miserable. Miserable is the phrase of the day, because Sian gets super mad when Sophie tells her they can’t wait around to get their O.W.L. results together because of the family dinner.

Somehow they even manage to stay angry with each other through choir practice, even though – this is the thing I wanted to tell you! – the church choir full of choir ladies is singing Rihanna’s “Umbrella.” Seriously, you guys, they’re even doing the echo-y “ella, ella, ella” part. Amazing. So amazing. One time the Constance-Billard choir on Gossip Girl sang Fergie’s “Glamorous” while wearing, like, choir skirts and knee socks, and even though that one had Jenny Humphrey in it, it still doesn’t compare to this Corrie choir marvel.

During the tea break – which, if this were Glee, New Directions would have already broken up and gotten back together six times in this already this episode – Sian gets even angrier with Sophie about, “You want to spend time with your family instead of me!” Sophie is like, “I’m sorry, but you’re being raised by a wolfpack; you have no idea how difficult it is to get out of family functions when your family is human.”

Actually, it goes like this:

Sian: We’re not seeing each other; we’re singing in a choir! I’m talking about being together when it really matters, Sophie!

Sophie: Yeah, and there’s nothing more that I want in the world – but if we get caught, Sian, I’d be grounded forever!

Sian: It’s not fair.

Sophie: Yeah, I know. And I’m sorry, but I promise you I’ll make it up to you.

After practice, Sophie mopes over to the shop where Saunita explains that the world probably isn’t going to explode just because she and Sian had a fight. Sophie agrees that she’s probably right, but still she’s like, “What am I going to do?” And Saunita smiles wraps her arm around Sophie. It’s sweet, but oh how I wish she had and offered her an umbrella. Ella. Ella. Ella. Ella.

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button