“Rizzoli & Isles” Retro Subtext Recap (1.03): The days of wine and dead fridge cheese

Hey, kids, remember when your parents told you skateboarding wasn’t safe? Keep that in mind for later. For now, Jane Rizzoli is trying on dresses with her mother. Yes, dresses. Yes, with her mother. Some of you may be flashing back to the agony of hours spent having to put on frilly things for your own mother’s approval. Let me just say, Jane feels your pain – and then some.

But Mama Rizzoli stands firm: they’re not leaving until they find something they both like. Well in that case they’d better put the dress on one Dr. Maura Isles because I’m pretty sure that’s the only kind Jane really likes. But mama is persistent and hands Jane a little black dress, saying every girl needs an LBD. Jane quips: “Not me, I got vaccinated.” Using humor to deflect a clueless mom about your decidedly un-girly fashion choices? Man, these flashbacks are getting stronger.

Jane looks great in the dress, naturally, because Angie Harmon would look great in even a mud-soaked Snuggie. But she complains that she’ll have no place to wear it, switching to the practicality defense instead. Still her mom jujitsu fails, and Jane relents telling her to buy the dress even though it will only “look fabulous in my closet.” Things that looks fabulous in the closet? Hmmm, give me a second – I’m sure I can think of something else that fits that description.

So it’s Mama: 1, Jane: 0. And, as if insult to butch injury, her mom pulls yet another one of the classic, all-time annoying mother moves – she bursts into Jane’s fitting room while she is getting dressed. Jane squawks, but her mom pshaws saying that it’s nothing she hasn’t seen before. Well, I haven’t seen it before. So thank you for being tactless, Mama Rizzoli.

Jane arrives with Maura at the latest crime scene. The teenager boy we saw skateboarding earlier is dead in an alley. See: dangerous. Just as dangerous is Jane’s loud complaining about Grant (that’s Lt. New Kid on the Homicide Block, to you) who has showed up and is talking to the press. Maura says he’s got “pulp.” Jane corrects her, saying it’s “juice.” Great, now I’m thirsty.