She begs Ed to swap roles with her so she can try to avoid her. Frankie returns Becky’s necklace to Jay. He is delighted for about a second but then Hayley-the-fit-intern walks by and he pushes Frankie away in case Hayley thinks they’re together and that he isn’t a cool as a cucumber free agent (which, of course, he actually isn’t.)
Frankie laughs at the idea that Jay could get with Hayley and tells him that she only flirts with him because she’s trying to climb the company ladder, and not climb onto his limb.
Frankie: She’s young; it’s like flirting with a teacher.
Jay: All I am saying is, if I wanted it, I could get it.
Hayley-the-fit-intern approaches Jay, who is spooning enough coffee into his mug to give him the shakes for a week. They discuss how often they get drunk after work and Hayley says that Jay will have to stop, as he is looking 30 in the eye. Because he is feeling old and insecure and wants to prove that he is the Jaymeister, he naturally suggests that they go to the toilets to take some drugs.
Ed manages to butter up Moira, and Tess is now free to head to the basement to avoid the now-successful Crusty Cook.
Ed: So if anyone asks, you’ve got severe agoraphobia brought on by a breakdown since your last partner left you.
In a toilet cubicle with Hayley-the-fit-intern, Jay starts to chalk up lines. They’re both experiencing teenage-like thrills due to their rebellious activities and this excitement trickles over into thrill-seeking of another kind and they begin to kiss. Hayley takes a very dramatic snort of the drugs and they continue to kiss, but before it goes any further, she starts having a weird reaction and passes out. Jay is perturbed to say the least and calls on Frankie, who at that moment is with Alistair in the office.
Frankie tries to phone an ambulance but Jay freaks out because this will surely lead to him losing his job. Like an absolute pro, she then tastes a bit of the powder and knows that it isn’t cocaine.
Jay then realises he has taken the wrong drugs out of the wrong pocket and has actually given Hayley some Ketamine.
Sarah: Idiot Jay, everyone knows that cocaine is kept in the left pocket and Ketamine in the right.
Lee: I bloody hate it when you give the fit intern horse tranquiliser by mistake.
Frankie: She may be chewing the carpets for a few hours, but at least we know that she’s not going to die.
Jay: What are we going to do?
Frankie: She’s got to go home, back to her flat and someone has got to look after her for a while.
Jay gives Frankie a pleading look to do the deed and she is resistant. However, like a good Samaritan, she takes dribbling Hayley-the-now-not-so fit-intern, whose eyes are rolling into the back of her head, under her wing and goes off in a taxi. Jay has the look of a man who has just f–ked up the fit intern with Ketamine at work.
Tess is sorting out letters in the basement and watching Lou Foster on the television, now realising that Lou is fine and she is just being sidestepped. Ed pops in to tell her that he and Moira are getting on like a house on fire. As if this wasn’t annoying enough, the s–t really gets piled on when Crusty Cook walks in. After the obligatory exchanges of pleasantries, Crusty asks about her life and Tess makes an attempt to suggest all is going great guns with her acting career.
Tess: I did an episode of the Bill.
Crusty: No, really? Who did you play?
Tess: I was a corpse they pulled out of the river at the beginning, but there was a whole story around me, so that was fantastic.
Crusty: Argh, I knew you’d make it!
Crusty has all the trappings of a stereotypical success: children, marriage, mortgage, high-flying career. And although she has obviously been moulded by the corporate world of bulls–t and smiles, with a bit of crazy in her eye, she at least keeps her “victory” over Tess to a small-scale request that she posts a letter for her – special delivery.