“Coronation Street” recap: Outed like a Teletubbie

Last time: Sophie and Sian got caught snogging after the dozen kids they were babysitting were tucked safely in bed. They got worried because they didn’t know if Claire was going to call Kristy Thomas over at Baby-Sitters Club HQ and out them. But they were worrying about the wrong thing, because: a) Kristy was always obviously gay for Mary Anne, and b) unbeknownst to them, one of the kids, Aadi, had fallen six inches off the couch and gently knocked his noggin on the carpeted floor, which, of course, caused a massive hemorrhage that nearly killed him dead.

This time: Sophie and Sian are all fancied up for Roy and Hayley’s wedding — you remember: Sally volunteered the church choir’s services for the ceremony like two recaps ago — flipping through magazines at the Webster’s while Sally and Kevin reminisce about Sophie’s angelic voice from childhood. For some reason, they decide to sing their praise through the immortal genius of the Teletubbies. Sally’s like, "Tinky!winky!" and Kevin’s all, "Dipsy! La La!" Sian giggles — as you do when your girlfriend’s parents are showcasing their insanity.

Sally tells Sophie to cheer up, that she’s got a gift and to not "hide her light under a bushel." And down the stairs comes Rosie, whose dress says that she also refuses to hide her light under a bushel. (I’m thiiiisclose to shipping Rosie with Katie Fitch.)

Kevin makes a boderline inappropriate joke about Liberace’s tie collection, but we’ll overlook it because the doorbell rings and it’s child services and they want to know which lesbian walloped Tiny Aadi in the head the night they were babysitting. Sophie and Sian plead their excuses about being late for the wedding while Sally gets hysterical on the social workers. Awesomely, Rosie puts the whole thing to bed with a simple theological explanation: "Sophie and Sian are, like, total Christians. It’s against their code or whatever to maim children."