“Glee” Episode 212 Recap: Stalker at the Gap

After weeks and weeks of no Glee, we now have a kind of Glee overload: two episodes, two days apart. And those two episodes could hardly be more different from each other.

The Valentine’s Day episode focused almost entirely on the glee kids. Sue wasn’t in the episode at all; neither was Principal Figgins. There continued to be no Emma, and while Mr. Schuester and Coach Beiste had a couple of scenes, they amounted to nothing but some fast humor. This was all about the kids.

We start out with Puck in a mental voice-over in which he acknowledges he’s not exactly a mental giant, but he has learned two lessons in life, which are: “Never punch a cop, and you can’t choose love; love chooses you.” Seems our Noah has fallen in love with the awesome Lauren Zizes, and who can blame him? I fell for her myself last week. Who knew I had a thing for women in football uniforms? But I digress.

Because, you see, Lauren’s not interested. It turns out the “seven minutes in heaven” with Puck she bargained her Glee Club membership on turned out to be a dud for her. And she’s not digging his mournful gaze on her in class much, either, telling him, “Stare at me again, and I’ll break your nuts.”

And in true Puck form, the more she rejects him, the more he wants her.

Next we get to hear Finn‘s thoughts as he struts and swaggers down the halls of McKinley High while everyone gazes at him worshipfully now that he’s led the Titans to the first conference championship in the school’s history. That’s our Finn, in his own mental voiceover words, “Walking taller and carrying a bigger stick – and using it to fight off the ladies.”

Even Becky Jackson‘s fallen for him, and gives him a Valentine’s heart.

But the only girl he wants, his thoughts tell us, is Quinn. Maybe, he thinks, he couldn’t make things work with Rachel because he’s still in love with Quinn. And then the “big stick” rears its ugly head and he says… er, thinks… that he could get her away from Sam if only he could get her to kiss him. And I’m thinking, wait. Didn’t you guys kiss at the end of the last episode just two days ago? Didn’t work then, why is it going to all of a sudden work now?

Cut away to Starbucks, or its Glee-verse equivalent. It’s all decorated for Valentine’s Day, and Kurt is regarding two stuffed kissing dogs with horror. And in my best mental voiceover I say in my own head, “Oh, expressive acting face of Chris Colfer, how I have missed you!”

He’s with Blaine, and he asks him, “What is this supposed to be?”

Blaine is mystified by Kurt’s attitude. “It’s clearly puppy love. It’s cute.”

Just like the bitchin’ little atheistic rebel we know he is, Kurt sniffs that Valentine’s Day is just an excuse to sell candy and greeting cards.

Blaine feels differently, and says it’s his favorite holiday. And then he asks Kurt to help him because there’s a guy he likes, and does Kurt think it’s silly to sing to someone on Valentine’s Day? Just as he asks his question, the barista asks him for his order, and he promptly responds, “A medium drip coffee and a grande nonfat mocha for this guy, and maybe I could get him to split one of those cupid cookies…”

“You know my coffee order?” Kurt asks, wonder dancing across his face.

“Of course I do.” And when Kurt reaches for his wallet, he adds, “Don’t even bother dummy. It’s on me.” (I listened to that twice to be sure he said “dummy,” which I tend not to think of as a term of endearment.)

But our Kurt is fine with it. “I do believe I have a new favorite holiday,” he says to no one in particular. Or maybe it was the barista.