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“Hand aufs Herz” recap: Peanut Butter and Jelly

Let’s kick off this recap with a spot of glorious news, shall we? At the German Soap Awards last weekend, Lucy Scherer won the fan-favorite female award! Lucy attended the awards ceremony with Kasia Borek. Also accompanying Lucy was her perfect dimple on her perfect face. On her website, she thanked Jemma fans (and Kaisa) for being the best, and she promised lots of Jemma scenes in the future. [Insert my own personal sighing, swooning, eternal adoration, etc.]

And now let’s run down the list of Jemma resources again.

For the official Jemma clips, check out the SAT1 website. For translations, check out Jemma International or Jenny and Emma International. For up-to-date news and appearances and recaps, check out Rosalie & Co.

OK, so, when last we left The Greatest Couple On Television, Emma had just professed her love to Jenny on a train platform, only to discover that Jenny’s parents were standing right behind her. Now they’re having a lovely dinner together and Emma is about to Emma out harder than she’s ever Emma-ed out before. Jenny’s dad asks a perfectly innocuous question about how they met, and Emma just jumps off the cliff, arms spread wide: “We’re girlfriends. We’ve been girlfriends. Well, I mean, not, like girlfriend girlfriends. I mean, that’s what we are now. I think. But before, we were just girls who were friends. Um, when we weren’t mortal enemies. I mean, not enemy enemies. It’s just, you know, one time Jenny threw dirt on me and then I kept blacking out when she was around because of all the blood rushing to my head and to my -“

Jenny cuts her off, reaching for her hand, all, “They know what you mean.”

Jenny’s mom is like, “Maybe they don’t want to tell us the intimate details of their relationship.” But Emma shouts, “NO! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS!” Which: Gayer than every plaid shirt in her closet combined. What she means is she wants to be brave, to say out loud that she loves another girl, but what she does is babble incoherently until she finally pulls Jenny behind a menu to whisper about, “Your parents think I’m a psychopath! Maybe I am a psychopath. Oh, God. Oh, God.”

The first thing Emma does when she crawls free from her menu fort is insult Jenny’s dad about his job. She’s all, “I used to hate Jenny because I thought her dad was a rich banker.” And Jenny’s dad is all, “Interesting because of how I am a rich banker.”

The best part of this whole scene – actually, no. There are a billion best parts of this scene. Emma is still tripping all over her puppy feet, for starters. Emma and Jenny are acting as a team, for the first time, which is adorable. But also, the way Jenny is with Emma, it’s so indulgent and affectionate. She’s not embarrassed that Emma is making an ass of herself in front of her parents. I mean, love Emma, love the way her mouth runs away from her, right? And Jenny does. I love the editing here, because we get so many lovely reaction shots from Jenny. Amused, adoring, delighted, adoring some more.

Lucy Scherer moves like a stage actor and it is f–king gorgeous. Like, she’s always conscious of her entire body, not just the part that’s in the frame. And also it’s one of the reason their physical interaction works so well. I mean, I’ve heard people say their kissing comes off as stilted, but I’m never even looking at their lips. It’s the way Jenny caresses Emma’s face, plays with the hair on the nape of her neck, grasps at the front of her shirt.It’s the graceful lines their bodies make together. Stage acting. Stage acting by a trained ballet dancer. I’m losing my mind over Lucy Scherer – have you noticed?

(Even though, honestly, Emma is exactly the girl I would lose my mind over in real life. Neurotic and adorable and feisty and plaid shirts and a messenger bag and, you know, letting whatever goes into her head come out of her mouth. Also, if she could speak intelligently about the American Civil Rights movement AND The Protestant Reformation, I would marry her. Emma, get a time machine and a Babelfish and call me.)

Back at Jenny’s, Emma plops down on the bed and sighs like she’s lived three lives in the last three hours, which she kind of has, actually. She starts Emma-ing again, and Jenny cuts her off, just: “Emma.” And it makes me catch my breath every time. She tries to explain how happy it made her when Jenny came rushing to the train station like some kind of Superman and Emma leans up and kisses her, freely, fully, openly, for the first time.

Jenny’s hand moves straight for Emma’s shirt because, frankly, they’ve been engaged in some pretty intense foreplay for about four months.

But Emma stops her, and Jenny smiles and says, “Just a cuddle?” And Emma says, “Yeah, just a cuddle.” And so they cuddle.

At some point in the night, Emma takes off her blue plaid shirt. I was kind of wondering if there was some kind of Samson situation happening with it, if you want to know the truth. Like maybe if she takes it off, she’ll lose all her powers? But no. Just as lovable as ever.

Jenny wakes up Emma, and Emma asks if it’s OK if they wait. Jenny’s like, “Wait for what? Whatever could you be talking about?” And Emma’s all, “Um, you know, with the you and the me and the nakedness and, like, three steps after snogging.” Jenny’s like, “I know what you mean, silly.”

They canoodle some more and Emma enjoys it for about six seconds before her standard Emma panic kicks it to eleven again. What are they going to tell people at school? Should she come out? How should she do that? With an announcement over the intercom? Does she have to get some kind of lesbian certification? Should she have already mailed the lesbian certification forms? What if they got lost in the mail? What if the entire lesbian certification board is on holiday? What if she never gets her lesbian certification? What if the sky falls down in the middle of the night? What if the sun explodes and the earth goes out of orbit? What if, what if, what if. Jenny holds her hand again, all, “Breathe, little lamb. We’ll figure it out together.”

The thing they figure out together at school the next day is that they can’t keep their hands off each other.

There’s a song playing talking about how you can be the peanut butter to my jelly while they touch each other covertly and stare at each other longingly and pretty soon, Emma is dragging Jenny into the STAG room for some full-on making out.

She pushes Jenny against the wall and between their frantic kisses they talk about how they’re never going to stop kissing. “Not even if I wear those sparkly pink Traveling Pants leggings I wore that one time when we took over the school? Or my bullet earrings?” No, not even then. In the middle of their mad pash, Bodo busts in, and I don’t know why, but this screencap is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. After I capped it, I just sort of stared at it for half an hour humming about peanut butter and jelly.

Emma’s like, “Bodo, Jenny. Jenny, Bodo.” Jenny goes, “Hi, Bodo.” It’s amazing. Emma looks like her head is going to explode and Jenny is still smirking, leaning against the wall trying to catch her breath.

Emma tries to weave a yarn about how they were “practicing” for a “play.” And Bodo’s like, “Yeah? Looks like maybe this isn’t the first time you’ve ‘rehearsed’ it.” Jenny goes, “Guess we’re pretty good.” And her voice is, like, two levels huskier than normal. I can’t deal with it.

Bodo agrees to keep schtum about the whole thing. Emma’s like, “Jenny can be the peanut butter to my jelly. She can be the butterflies I feel in my belly. She can be my captain, I can be her first mate. She can be the chills that I feel on our first date. And you, Bodo, can be the first boy I punch in the nuts if you don’t GET OUT OF HERE so I can make out with my girlfriend some more.”

Jenny smiles her dimpled smile. Emma scowls her randy scowl. And everywhere around the world, every lesbian melts in a puddle of swoon.

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