“Candy Bar Girls” recap: Episode 2

“Great LezBritian” is a fortnightly stroll through the very best of British lesbo-centric entertainment and culture. Plus there will be some jolly good interviews with the top ladies who are waving the flag for gay UK.

We’ll be frank: The very thought of consuming another hour of the Candy Girls is not putting us in the best of moods. Indeed we feel positively lackluster about it. We keep thinking about the constructive, fun things we could be doing with our lives instead, like tax returns or self-waxing. However, we’re trying not to be negative about it so let’s just dive knee deep into the Candy Bar Girls world, part deux.

Immediately we’re introduced to 28-year-old Jo Davis, a DJ who often spins the vinyl at The Candy Bar.

Jo’s new girlfriend, Daisy, is a barrister, but this new love affair doesn’t matter too much to Jo because she feels she needs to concentrate more on herself right now as she follows her dream of becoming a primary school teacher.

The night owl Jo is damn serious about this new career path and expresses it by getting ready to go shopping for primary school teacher attire. Girlfriend Daisy, a woman of the crown, has been suited and booted for seven years and likens her girlfriend to a superhero.

Daisy: “She’s going to be like the lesbian DJ version of Clark Kent.”

We fail quite spectacularly to understand what Daisy is going on about. Everyone knows Clark Kent was a journalist. And a damn fine one too.

Jo meets up with a man called Bunny who thinks that the task of buying her some smart clothes is a tricky one. Indeed the task seems a bit of a headf–k for Jo, too.

Jo: I’m seeing all these lovely clothes and they are lovely but it’s just so far from anything I could ever — I’d just, I don’t know. It all just seems really odd for me.

Lee: If she can’t get her head round buying a cardigan and a pair of slacks, I’m worried about her ability to teach the times table.

Bunny says what we’re all thinking — he can’t imagine Jo being a teacher. But then three seconds later, Bunny says he now can imagine Jo being a teacher. Just as we’re about to question Bunny’s little rabbit brain, he makes a carrot out of a serviette and blows our minds.

Sarah: Do you remember the time I made an aubergine out of a crisp packet?
Lee: No.

Next to be added to the Candy Bar fray are lovebirds Rachael and Rox, who have been together for a staggering six weeks. Finally, a bit of long-term commitment on this show. At this stage of their lengthy relationship, they are awfully tactile and giggly with one another. It’s a bit annoying.

Rachael romantically recalls how the pair finally got together. She tells us, “We were going out on a night out, and it sounds horrific, but I had in my head that something might happen, that I got really drunk and I’d have to go back to hers.

Sarah: How does this sound horrific? Horrific would be going back to her flat and finding the head of your dead cat pinned to the wall above her bed.

Rachael travels to her family home in middle class suburbia to celebrate her birthday with new girlfriend, Rox, in tow. Everyone seems pleased as punch that Rox has become part of their extended family. Rachael’s dad, who is shown to be a Christian by saying grace and a bit of a crazy man by singing a song that no one understands, is accepting and all in all Rachael’s family seem very Swiss Family Robinson about her recent step into lesbianism. This little scene is a delight to behold on our screens.