Great LezBritain: “Candy Bar Girls” recap — Episode 5

“Great LezBritian” is a fortnightly stroll through the very best of British lesbo-centric entertainment and culture. Plus there will be some jolly good interviews with the top ladies who are waving the flag for gay UK.

So here we are. It’s the penultimate episode and we’re actually starting to feel that, despite everything, we’ll miss the Candy Bar Girls. Ha ha, not really. Well, maybe Sandra.

The episode opens with Jessie D and we’re told she is an “unemployed arts graduate.” How does she pay her rent? We’re worried that poor Natalie will have to do a few home perms to keep the roof over their heads. But not to worry, Jessie D is doing something constructive about her unemployed status. She’s joining an art class.

Jessie D: You know when you finish Uni and you come to London and you think, “I need a job.” Well, where do you start?

Sarah: The answer to that question for most people is not “the Candy Bar.”

We accompany Jessie D to her first art class and the teacher tells her that her first subject is, of course, a naked lady.

Jessie D knuckles down to draw the female form, while the voiceover suggests to us that she is also distracted by a pretty girl behind the life model. They have a brief chat at the end, but Jessie D chooses to retreat because her gaydar isn’t working.

Lee: I still don’t think a gaydar is a real thing, unless you’re in a gay bar.
Sarah: I could pick a lesbian out at a church fete.

Gary is worried about Monday nights at the Candy Bar and is discussing ways to fill the bar with manager Sam.

Lee: The only thing that would make me go to a bar on a Monday night would be the promise of free food served by Lena Headey while Blondie performed an intimate gig in the corner.
Sarah: I would also need to be chauffeur driven there and back. By Sharleen Spiteri.

Imagine our surprise when Gary says that’s his exact plan. Except it isn’t.

Gary’s plan is to introduce a Salsa class, but in the same breath says he can’t imagine same-sex couples Salsa dancing. For a big gay entrepreneur, Gary is strangely traditional in his views. Manager Sam thinks this is a brilliant idea and she can instantly imagine the ladies Salsa-ing all over each other and thus the deal is done.

Gary wants Sam to organise the whole event in three days and says he expects her to double or triple takings. We feel this is not entirely a clear instruction, based upon any kind of realistic research.

It must suddenly be three days later, because next we see Alex and Lizu erecting paper decorations to the walls of the Candy Bar and creating Havana Club displays. Alex says she thinks new management are doing a good job at trying new things, then Lizu and Sam have a little Salsa on the dance floor, which suggests Sam’s tough love has begun to work on these wayward women.