“Grey’s Anatomy” SnapCap (8.06): “Poker Face”

Happy Friday and welcome to the SnapCap for Grey’s Anatomy’s “Poker Face” (AKA “Sexy Times.”)

This episode is all about sex; Sex at home, sex at work, sex in a hospital bunk bed while the former Chief is trying to take a nap on the top bunk — yep, these doctors are frisky.

AfterEllen Bait

The main reasons AfterEllen.com readers will probably be interested in this episode are sex, Callie, Arizona and the hope that Callie and Arizona will have sex. Although, when the zebra-print-eye-mask-wearing Callie is awakened by Arizona’s lips, I doubt she expects Mark to jump on the bed with a plate full of eggs. Three’s a crowd, buddy.

Oh and Lexie’s back. It’s funny; I didn’t even realize that I liked Lexie until she was gone. She should go away more often.

Feelings, Feelings, Feelings!

Meredith arrives to the morning staff meeting wearing pink OB scrubs therefore her peers take it upon themselves to verbally abuse her. 

Cristina: You are embarrassing me.
Meredith: I’m getting to deliver babies. I’m making life, you know.
Cristina: You are making me gag. Slumming in an OB for a few weeks is OK. Whatever. But wearing the vagina-squad scrubs in pubic?

Wait, there’s a vagina squad? How do I sign up?

Callie is jealous that Mark and Arizona are getting along. Be careful what you wish for.

April continues to struggle as the Chief Resident and when she asks Alex for help, he lashes out at her.

April: Alex, please, can’t you just be a person for a second?
Alex: See this is why you don’t deserve this job, you’re bad at it. You get all stressed out and frantic and nobody wants to listen to you. You have no authority and your voice gets all high and nasally like this when you’re nervous. It’s annoying. You’re annoying so no I can’t be a person for a second. Deal with your own crap.

April takes action and starts to threaten her co-workers and speak in a gruffer tone. Her new behavior actually seems to work and she starts to enjoy the new April 2.0.

I prefer the old April from way back when; so far back in time that April wasn’t even on the show yet. Hey, whatever happened to Peter MacNicol aka Dr. Robert Stark aka John Cage aka Dr. Janosz Poha? I thought Stark and April were going to couple up? Oh well. Let’s move on.

Bailey reams out Meredith for working on her clinical trial behind her back.

Bailey: Who do you think you are? God, is that who you are? Because either you’re God or you are the most reckless arrogant resident I have come across in my entire career. I mean to put your hands on another clinical trial after you already ruined one is a level of stupidity so astounding …

Hey, Mer, I think Bailey is still mad at you about Richard losing his Chief job. Just a hunch. 

Whores & Gore

Callie and Arizona are suffering from a sexual dry spell while Cristina and Owen are sexting each other like high schoolers. (Do high school students sext? I’m so out of touch with the kids today.) Cristina’s phone buzzes during surgery and Callie (who knows all about the dirty messages) instructs one of the nurses to read the text aloud to the entire OR. Cristina pleads with the nurse to not touch the phone and to turn it off. Cristina, the nurse isn’t related to Magneto. She will need to touch the phone if you want her to turn it off.

Wait, I just had a brilliant idea! What if Magneto and the X-Men cast joined the Seattle Grace Hospital staff? Think about it, every time Alex acts up Wolverine can slash him to make behave himself and during the summer months Storm can act as a mutant air conditioning system, which will drastically reduce the hospital’s electric bill and therefore that money can go towards medical research. (These are the “brilliant” ideas I come up with at 2:38 AM.)

Wait, what was I talking about? Oh, yeah, sex! 

Richard catches Owen and Cristina in the conference room on all fours and no, they aren’t playing human centipede. Cristina jumps up, ties up her scrubs and scuttles out of the room.

Richard says to Owen, “Hunt, you’re a Chief now. Act like it! In the conference room?”

As Cristina and Meredith gab Gilmore Girls-style, Cristina brags about her incredibly active sex life.

Cristina: Not just sex — hot, dirty stand on my head sex.
Meredith: Do you really stand on your head?
Cristina: I’m very talented.

Callie arrives home wearing a hot leather jacket and tries to rip Arizona’s clothes off but Mark busts in with dinner. (Mark, get the f–k out!)

Owen and Cristina have now transported their sexual hijinks to the on-call room while Richard is trying to take a nap on the top bunk. Awkward.

Owen sees the error of his ways and tells his wife they have to stop this behavior.

Owen: No more sex in the hospital. You know, I’m Chief now I have to act like it.
Cristina: Fine, whatever.
Owen: You want to go get dinner?
Cristina: Sure. Or we could just go home and have sex there.
Owen: Let’s do that. Yeah.

Callie has also decided to change her pattern by telling Mark that she needs some space.

Callie: Mark, I love you. I love how great you are with our daughter. I love that you and Arizona are friends but you need to leave because tonight I’m going to eat pizza and drink beer in bed with my wife and tell her all about the neck I’ve just built and then we’re going to have lots and lots of sex. We’re great parents but we’re more than just mommies and daddies. We are hot and we are sexy and your new hobby, the Hollandaise, the short ribs and the Coq au Vin, is getting in the way of our sex lives. So please start having sex again. But not tonight. Because tonight, you’re babysitting.

Even Derek and Meredith join in the fun and end up getting frisky in the last scene while April is at the bar promising, “I’m going to spend the night drinking and flirting with boys.” (Be careful, April. One time I was making-eyes at a little butch lesbian only to find out it was actually a little boy and, let me tell you, his mom was pissed! Just kidding — or am I? No, seriously, I’m kidding.)

Medical Mishaps

Bailey’s clinical trial lab mice have diabetes and Cristina accidentally feeds them donuts. Well, feeding them was intentional but Cristina didn’t know they were diabetic until after the fact.

While operating Callie hands Cristina a drill and says, “Just get in there and have fun with it!” That’s sick.

Richard and Meredith are secretly working on Bailey’s clinical study. One of their secret meetings takes place in a patient’s room and when the patient looks over for an explanation and Richard says, “Hi there. Beautiful day isn’t it?” and then runs out of the room. I love it when the Grey’s staff acts like the Bumpus Hounds.

Derek offers to attempt to remove a brain tumor for a new mother but the patient’s husband pleads with her not to do the surgery. He’s worried his wife will die in surgery and leave him and their day old baby alone. Meredith convinces the husband to encourage his wife to get the surgery. Of course Derek ends up removing the woman’s tumor and saving her life when no other doctor in the world could, but what if the surgery went awry? Derek would be back hammering nails at the dream house.

Callie attempts to give a medical pep talk to Cristina who now seems to be scared of taking risks in the OR.

Callie: If you’re not careful you’re going to wake up one day and realize that you’re no longer the badass, hard core, spontaneous, take charge crazy fun person you thought you were but instead you’re some sad sorry wife who stays in every night and talks about food like it’s an orgasm when it’s clearly not. An orgasm is an orgasm.
Cristina: I’m sorry. What?

Yeah, what? That’s kind of an inappropriate pep talk.

And just because, I thought I’d share with you three random quotes in this episode that made me laugh, not intentionally.

Alex says to his ailing patient, “It’s a stupid scar, Chuck. You really want to die because of it?” (I can’t believe that week after week Alex yells at his patients and he hasn’t been fired or transferred to another hospital.)

A patient to his fighting parents: “Go to the court. Just get a divorce!” (Dude, divorce takes time.)

Richard knocks on the fish tank glass and says to a lab mouse, “Don’t worry kid. I got your back.” (The mouse thinks, “Earthquake!”)

That rounds out this week’s recap. Tune in next week to find out: Did those parents get a divorce? Was Bailey correct, is Meredith God? And most importantly, did I get accepted into the vagina-squad?