Which Archetypal Lesbian / Bisexual are you?

From “Chapstick Lesbian,” to “DIY Dyke,” to “Granola Gal,” it’s only a matter of time until you’ve met each of these classic Sapphic archetypes. Maybe you ARE one of these women, or maybe they’re your friends. Tell us which characteristics are on point, and which ones we missed!

Chapstick Lesbian

  • Drives a Subaru (and tells you about it)
  • Still with her first sweetheart
  • Can eat a whole pizza
  • Apolitical AF
  • Thinks about her next Halloween costume in March

Streetsmart Witch

  • Asks for your birth time on the first date
  • Ghosts people until they ask an astrological question
  • Carries a switchblade
  • Will give you a stick and poke
  • Blames it on Mercury in retrograde

Dog Dyke

  • Wears a hat all the time (even in bed)
  • Wears a chain on her pants, and actually pulls it off
  • Butch 4 butch
  • Has at least 4 rescue dogs (one of which has 3 legs)
  • Can out-drink any man

Granola Gal

  • Surrounds herself with self-made yoni art
  • Keeps a to-go tarot deck in her car
  • Stops for every bug
  • Sleeps in a hammock instead of a bed
  • Love language is Kombucha

The Activist

  • Has a cat named RBG
  • Owns 30 plants and wonders if she should get more
  • Over analyzes Orange is the New Black
  • Wants to shower together (for environmental reasons)
  • Sends her friends articles, not music

DIY Dyke

  • Has any tool you need in her trunk
  • Wears 3 carabiners at all times
  • Always has perfectly trimmed nails
  • Hits on girls by building them furniture
  • Changes your oil on the third date

Goth GRL

  • Wears all black to the beach
  • Definitely wants you to ask about her tattoos
  • Uses a beat-up backpack as a purse
  • Owns a snake (or rat) named Sappho
  • Asks you which glasses are cuter (they all look the same)

Blissful Baby Dyke

  • Wears a rainbow sports bra to Pride
  • Thinks Ruby Rose is butch
  • Says she can’t cut her hair because of her “weird” head shape
  • Thirsty (so thirsty) for lesbian media
  • Falls asleep on your couch every time

Old Shane

  • Wears the same low-cut jeans from 2007
  • Has been braless for longer than you’ve been alive
  • Never used sunscreen
  • Can destroy you in arm wrestling
  • Still gets more numbers than you

For more lesbian musings, check out @lesbians_say_stuff on Instagram.

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