Previously on Once Upon a Time, half of Storybrooke spent five episodes running around in circles in Neverland, which was rather annoying, except that we got a weekly dose of SwanQueen interaction.
We open in a happier time, albeit not a simpler one, with Snow White in her badass tunic sliding and running through the forest away from some of the queen’s henchmen. She gets to a cliff and they think they’ve caught her. She laughs in their faces and leaps off the cliff and into the water.
There, a lovely little redhead comes to her rescue, and Snow looks down to see that this girl is a mermaid. And not just any mermaid. It’s Ariel. Present day Regina is in the forests of Neverland, yelling at Emma, trying to teach her magic. Finally. Regina tells her she needs to reach deep down inside her and access her anger, and Emma snaps and says there has to be another way. Regina calls her weak, Emma calls her a monster, but right before they start angrily making out, Emma realizes she started a fire with her mind. Hook comes creeping back to camp and whispers to the Charmings that Neal is alive. David thinks it’s one of Pan’s tricks, but Mary Margaret believes him. The boys decide that it would be best to not tell Emma in case it isn’t true, not giving Mary Margaret much say in the matter.
Flash back to Snow and Ariel, sitting on some rocks and chit chatting about boys and the like. Ariel tells her that once she saved a handsome prince from a shipwreck and empties out a seemingly waterproof bag full of gadgets and gizmos aplenty to show Snow a flyer she found for Prince Eric’s annual ball honoring the legend of the sea goddess Ursula. Snow gently points out that she doubts the ball takes place in an Olympic-sized pool when Ariel pulls her tail out of the water, and it promptly turns into a pair of legs. Every year at the highest tide, the goddess Ursula grants mermaids the ability to walk about on land for 12 hours, just enough time to attend a prince’s ball. Snow White is very excited to help someone find their true love, but Ariel pleads with her to keep her mermaid identity a secret. Snow points out that he’ll probably figure it out sooner rather than later, but Ariel wants him to fall for her before she tells him.
Hopefully that fares better than Hook’s secret, because Mary Margaret blurts out that they think Neal is still alive not ten seconds after she was told not to tell Emma.
Meanwhile, Peter Pan finally finds Rumple, who has apparently been sitting on the same log since two episodes ago. He tries to feed him eggs? I don’t know, it’s weird. Pan tells Rumple he doesn’t know why he bothers, Neal and Henry will never forgive him anyway. Pan then turns up his creep-o-meter to MAX and tells Rumple to go back to Storybrooke to be with Belle because “she looks fertile” and can probably just give him new kids who won’t keep getting themselves almost killed. The grossness of this is only amplified by the egg-eating.
Back at Camp Charming, Mary Margaret keeps finding footprints in the dirt, and even though they’re probably her own, she takes it as proof that Neal is alive. Regina is not so easily convinced. She decides to get the hell out of dodge and when Emma asks where the hell she’s going, Regina replies, “To save our son.” Emma turns to the group and says Regina might be right, that Pan might be lying, but Mary Margaret says they need to be sure.
Back in the Enchanted Forest, Ariel and Snow arrive at the ball. Snow quizzes Ariel about some human stuff, but Ariel calls a dinglehopper a salad trident and pockets it. Before Snow can teach her anything else, they see Prince Eric, and Ariel positively swoons. Eric swoons right back, so Snow shoves Ariel in his general direction and they dance. Eric totally steals Prince Philip’s line and says, “I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream.” He thinks Ursula saved him from his shipwreck, then gave him dreams about Ariel as a sign of his future. He then asks her to travel the world with him. Now, lesbians get a pretty bad rap when it comes to moving quickly, but the guys on this show seem to fall harder and faster than any lesbians I’VE ever met.
In her nearby castle, watching this unfold via mirror, Evil Queen Regina is pissed. She had sent her henchmen to KILL Snow White, not introduce her to a mermaid. But she has an idea of how to set things right. In present-day Neverland, Not!Belle shows up again and tells Rumple to listen to Pan and come home to Storybrooke with her. Suddenly, she starts to choke, and Regina steps out of the brush, her hand magically wrapped around Not!Belle’s throat. Rumple starts to panic, because he’s not ENTIRELY sure it’s not the real Belle, but soon Not!Belle turns into Pan’s ShadowMan and flies away.
Across the forest, the rest of Team Storybrooke is following the trail that could be Neal’s and Emma pulls Mary Margaret aside to tell her that she kissed Hook. Snow responds with the voice of the fandom and says, “Uh…why?” Emma says it was just a kiss, and quickly changes the subject. She doesn’t want to hope that Neal is alive, in case he isn’t. Mary Margaret tells her that she has to, because all happy endings start with hope.
Flash back to Prince Eric’s ball, where Ariel is torn, because she knows she can’t go adventuring with the prince, but she doesn’t want to ask him to stay here just for her. Snow White tells her to take the road…er…river less traveled and do what’s hard. It might hurt, but at least she’ll know she tried. Ariel changes into her mermaid dress to go by the shore to implore the goddess Ursula for help. She feels like she’s talking to nothing, until suddenly the sea witch herself appears…and she looks alarmingly like the Evil Queen. Present-day Regina is telling Rumple she needs him because she knows he will take action with her, unlike Team Storybrooke who prefer to sit around and share their feelings. They consider killing Pan, but they know that would require too big a sacrifice. Regina says maybe there’s another way, and a light bulb goes off for Rumple. A fate worse than death. He has just the thing…back in Storybrooke. Figures. So now they have the solution, all they have to do is cross realms to get it.
Regina-as-Ursula offers Ariel a deal, which Ariel takes back to Snow. She slaps a cuff on Snow’s wrist, which immediately turns her into a mermaid. Now Snow can swim away from the Evil Queen, and Ariel can be with her prince! It’s a win-win! Surely there will be no price to pay for making a bargain with a seawitch!
Evil Queen Regina-as-herself shows up, content as can be, and mocks Snow for being stuck and Ariel for being gullible. Regina tells Ariel to leave, and Snow agrees. When she hesitates, Regina scoffs. “Are you going to give up the love of your life for a friend?” She says the word like it tastes bad. Ariel turns to leave and Regina faces her catch of the day.
Before the Evil Queen has the chance to filet Snow, Ariel runs up and shoves the salad trident into Regina’s neck. Ariel takes the cuff off Snow, grabs her, and flings them both into the water.
Team Storybrooke follow the tracks-that-might-be-Neal’s to a cave, and Hook says he knows this cave. It’s a Cave of Secrets. Pan wants them to save Neal, because he believes that their secrets will destroy them. They enter the cave to see Neal in his cage in the center, a good 100 feet out of reach. Hook says the only way across is to start spilling their guts. Emma, ever the snarky one, asks if the first person to tell their secrets sprouts wings and I hope against all hope that’s true.
Alas, instead, a rock bridge forms a little more with each secret told. The secrets go as follows:
Hook didn’t think he would ever get over Milah until he met Emma.
Mary Margaret thinks Emma is great and all but kids are the best between ages two and nine, so she wants a do-over kid.
David would love a do-over kid BUT they’d have to raise it on Neverland because SURPRISE he almost died and the cure came with a price and now he can never leave.
Those three secrets were enough to close the gap, so Emma brandishes her sword and scurries across. She starts hacking at the cave like a madwoman but Neal reminds her that that’s not how things work on Neverland, it’s her turn to spill. Her secret isn’t just that she never stopped loving him, but that she kind of hoped he’d stayed dead, because mourning him was easier than facing him and their past.
The truth hath set Neal free and they all scamper out of the Cave of Secrets. Neal says he knows how to get them home as long as they find Henry. Emma apologizes for saying she wished he were dead, but Neal doesn’t blame her for feeling that way. He tells her he’ll never stop fighting for her, and Hook eavesdrops and broods from behind some nearby weeds.
Flash back again to Snow White crawling onto the shore. She barely catches her breath before insisting Ariel swim back to get her man, because Snow White gets high on happy endings, even when they’re not her own. Of course, Prince Eric is waiting on his balcony, stalling his departure as long as possible, still hoping his dream love will appear. Ariel swims up and goes to shout his name, only to find she’s lost her voice. Regina is standing on the dock, a mischievous smirk on her face. She says the only thing worse than being rejected by your true love is never having the chance to tell him how you feel. She sends the little mermaid on her way. Quite proud of her evil deed of the day, Regina cockily struts home, only to see a golden goddess Ursula waiting for her in her mirror. The image reaches through and wraps gilded tentacles around her body, warning her never to impersonate the sea goddess ever again.
Present day Regina drags Rumple to the shore and uses the Shell Phone to call Ariel. The voiceless mermaid pouts at Regina, who casually gives her back her voice as if she meant to do it eons ago but simply forgot. You see, mermaids can travel between realms with no problem, so Regina needs Ariel to fetch something from Gold’s shop for them. Ariel asks why she would ever help her, and Regina smirks and says because Prince Eric is currently in Storybrooke.
What did you think of “Ariel”? Were you excited to see their twists on The Little Mermaid?
Next week, it looks like we finally get to see what our friends in Storybrooke have been up to all this time!
Here are some of our favorite #queerytales tweets from this week:
Regina and Emma are creating flames together. Can the subtext be any less subtext-y? #queerytales– Chen Drachman (@shokoshik) November 4, 2013
They’ve broken the dam on “our son” and it’s fabulous #queerytales – iFlipForRizzles (@iFlipForRizzles) November 4, 2013
OMG she’s got the Ursula cadence down and everything and she said “MY DEAR SWEET CHILD” AND I LOVE @LanaParrilla #queerytales #OUAT – Nic (@njnic23) November 4, 2013
Ariel gave Snow a little tail… and forked Regina… I was not expecting that. 😀 #OnceUponATime #queerytales – Dreamer (@Tsawasi) November 4, 2013
I’m not going to stop fighting for you Emma except the ten years I didn’t look for you and got engaged instead. #queerytales – Mandy Watts (@mandylynn9) November 4, 2013
I’m glad to see actual Belle but not gonna lie I wish the hashtag was Ruby and her short shorts are back! #queerytales – nerdgirl (@nerdgirlwalking) November 4, 2013
Notice how as soon as they mentioned Neal being alive, Regina was like “Fuck this shit, I’m outta here.” #SwanQueenTrueLove #Queerytales – xo (@Queen_EvilRegal) November 4, 2013
Too bad Spencer Hastings isn’t here because hell no would she have let SW put on that bracelet. #OUAT #queerytales #BooRadleyVanCullen– Heather Manning (@HeatherBlakely) November 4, 2013
Granny better make room…the degenerate scooby gang is taking in strays left and right #queerytales– Alexandria (@sankofa07762) November 4, 2013
