This week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy opens with Alex and Jo, rolling around in their unkempt sheets, getting it on. Jo only has 15 minutes, but Alex assures her that is plenty of time for some early morning delight. I’d agree with them, if it weren’t for Meredith’s depressing voiceover about cancer. Way to take the wind out of my Jolex sails, Mer.
Speaking of Meredith, she is still punishing Derek for being brilliant and handsome and he’s totally taking it. She’s even withholding sex. This is so unlike Meredith. She teases Derek as she strips naked from behind the bathroom door, as he whines like a sad puppy.
Owen and Emma are playing doctor in Derek’s old trailer. I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. It is Seattle and they are big into recycling there. Something about the ambiance must do something to Owen, because he totally lezzes out and asks Emma if she wants to move in with him. Well, not the trailer. Somewhere with indoor plumbing. Somehow this doesn’t freak her out, and she says yes.
Already blissfully cohabiting in their new home are Callie and Arizona. Callie is “unpacking boxes” and calls to Arizona to join her. Arizona is not in the mood to unpack because it is literally the worst thing ever, but she can’t say no to Callie. (I loved being able to write that last sentence.) When Arizona goes to unpack her box, she finds a tiny box hiding inside. In the little blue box, is a giant blue sapphire ring inscribed with the date they moved into their new home. Callie is beaming, Arizona is speechless. It’s fucking magic. When Arizona does speak, she calls her wife Calliope Iphegenia Torres and everyone swoons. The end. Wait, sorry, there are 54 minutes left. Arizona slips on the ring.
April and Jackson are still pretending not to be married, and so far it’s working. Good thing too, because Owen calls a hospital wide meeting to discuss the new fraternization policy. Married folks are grandfathered in, people of the same level are discouraged, and superior/subordinate relationships are totally screwed. There is a great hubbub, and when Richard confronts Owen about the policy, Owen dumps it right in Richard’s lap. Have fun with that Dr. Webber. You are now the Commander of the Panty Police.
Alex and Callie have a teenage patient named Rory who has survived numerous bouts with cancer, and is now in to have surgery for bone cancer. Rory’s younger sister is there, joking around and painting Rory’s toenails. As Alex listens to Rory’s heart, he hears something distressing.
Through the ER another patient rolls in. She was found stuck in a trash chute, her leg mangled. She defends herself, claiming she is not homeless and foraging for food. She’s a professor who asks April to call her married boyfriend for her. She has bigger fish to fry however, as her leg looks like a Christmas ham that was attacked by wild dogs and left out in the sun for a week. Wow, sorry, that was a very vivid description. How about this: it’s absolutely disgusting.
Tensions are running high amongst the residents and Jo is beyond pissed about the new policy and lays the blame right on Stephanie for the anonymous complaint. Alex calls in Richard and the residents to consult on Rory’s case. Turns out she has a large tumor in her chest cavity. Richard gets all the residents in on the case. The more heads the better. He also tells them to mind their P’s and Q’s. Actually he said penises and vaginas. I love you Richard. Everyone wants to work alone, except Ben who is like the last kid picked for dodgeball with this lot.
Derek and Meredith walk together through the hospital, as Derek explains how the whole house is clean and the laundry is done so can he please, please go play with the President? Meredith agrees and Cristina swoops in for some girl time. Meredith invites her over for a slumber party, and once Cristina finds out wine will be served, she’s all in.
Due to the history of cancer in Rory’s family, the docs are considering that her condition may be genetic. Bailey asks them all to spit in a cup so she can test their DNA.
Trash Chute’s bestie shows up at the hospital and we get the real story of how she ended up in the dumpster. TC had been attending a faculty party thrown by her lover, who is the head of her department, and his wife. Distraught she attempted to leave, but before she did, the boyfriend asked her to take out the trash. What a dick. TC accidentally threw her purse in as well, then dove after it. And that, ladies, is how you end up with coconut prawns stuck inside a gaping leg wound. Let’s all take a moment to utilize our Grey’s Anatomy branded puke buckets.
Callie and Arizona are all smiles, and Arizona is practically chasing Alex down to shove her ring in his face and brag about how awesome her wife is. She is cut short however, by a hysterical Jo who bursts in to scream at Alex. He yells back that she is overreacting about the new policy. When she pushes him, he breaks up with her in front of the entire hospital. However, once they are out of sight, they reveal that this was their plan all along. They have fooled everyone with their embarrassing public display. Jo even cried on cue. Well played.
Ben and Bailey are eating lunch together and being adorable. Ben thinks the other residents are freezing him out because they are jealous they he can fraternize and they can’t. Before he and Bailey can get down to a little of that fraternizing, Bailey discovers that Rory has a mutated gene called P53.
At the MerDer mansion, the Twisted Sisters are back. Cristina and Meredith are polishing off a bottle of wine and Cristina opens up about Owen. She knows about Owen and Emma moving in together, and suddenly their break feels all the more permanent. She knows that Owen wants to be a father, and that is something Emma can give him. Wives she isn’t so concerned about. Kids however, that is a line Cristina won’t cross. Derek comes home unexpectedly, feeling down in the dumps. They sent him home early, so he figures his dreams of being one of the Presidents men are over. Cristiana decides it’s time to bounce and let Meredith and Derek have some alone time.
Cristina shows up at Owen’s trailer, drunk and clutching a bottle of celebratory “My ex-husband is moving on” wine. Emma isn’t there, so he welcomes her in. They shoot the shit about the new policy, and Cristina switches the subject to Emma and her puffy drapes. Emma is the kind of woman who would take pride in hanging valances. Cristian and Owen’s firehouse didn’t have valances, but Owen tells her that he didn’t care. They stare at each other as she caresses the back of his head. Moments later, they are kissing.
At Callie and Arizona’s house, Callie is feeling bad for Jo and Alex and their newly sanctioned relationship. Arizona nods and smiles and begins to tear Callie’s clothes off. She feels terrible too, but not terrible enough not to have super-hot sex with her wife. They flop onto the bed, giggling.
The next morning, Emma surprises Owen at the hospital. Owen has guilty face, but Emma doesn’t notice. She unloads that she wants a house with room for children, with excellent school districts. In other words, she wants to be a wife and mom, and wants Owen to want the same. His mouth tells her he does, but his eyes tell us otherwise.
Bailey discovers that Rory has Li-Fraumini syndrome, a condition that makes her body unable to fight off tumors. It’s rare and the normal courses of treatment only stand to make her worse. Richard gets the residents involved once again, ordering them to find out all they can about this disorder and how they can try and save Rory’s life. Before the residents head out, Richard pulls Shane aside to check on him. Shane’s just been keeping his head down, but Richard reminds him that he has a voice and to use it.
Derek is depressed and the only cure is brains, so Owen puts him back on the surgical board. Derek was so high with the thought of being able to change so many lives working for the White House, that he’s not sure how he can be satisfied with his boring existence of housework and OPERATING ON PEOPLE’S BRAINS! Cristina overhears them.
Due to the excellent and diligent work of Jackson and April, Trash Chute will likely keep her leg. They vacu-seal it like a sous-vide duck breast on Top Chef. TC starts crying when she realizes that the flowers in her room are from her mother and not her married lover. Her friend is having none of it. It’s all very sad, especially because we all know women like this. Smart, funny and whose self-worth is completely tied up in someone else.
Jackson and April are finding it hard to go on hiding their relationship, but April also finds the whole secret husband thing really sexy.
In Rory’s room, she, her sister and Alex talk about whether or not she should find out if she has the gene as well. Rory’s life has been so consumed by her illnesses, that she doesn’t want her sister to go through the same torment. Her sister asks Alex if she has to find out the results, and Alex tells her that while she may be young, she has a say in this. The conversation with the sisters strikes a chord in Alex because he doesn’t want to hide his relationship with Jo anymore. They sneak into a storage room where they bump into a half naked Jackson and April. Well, that secret is out now. A disgusted Alex opens the door to leave, and standing there is Richard who can only shake his head. Being the panty police is no easy job. Jo scowls at Jackson and announces that she hates him even more now. Alex’s pager goes off, so he bolts, with Jo right behind him. Jackson and April just kind of shrug and go right back to boinking.
In Meredith’s research room, Mer’s feeling down in the dumps. The research isn’t going as well as she would like and now after weeks of guilt tripping, she actually feels bad that Derek may have lost his position in the White House. Cristina pops in to give her a pep talk, and right away Meredith knows that Crowen is back on.
Things aren’t going so well for Rory, who is now unconscious and in need of intubation. The tumor in her chest has ruptured. Her sister stands by horrified as Alex tells her to find her parents. As the residents continue their research into Rory’s condition, Jo storms in to drop a truth bomb on Stephanie. She tells Steph that April and Jackson are actually still together, and the “anonymous complaint” she filed is actually only really punishing Jo and Alex. Steph looks like she has just swallowed a million shards of broken glass. The thing is, Steph is not the person who filed the complaint. Leah speaks up, and with tears in her eyes admits to being the one behind the complaint. She was tired of feeling kicked around, and expendable and decided to make a statement. Here’s the deal.
She’s not entirely wrong.
Before you sharpen your scalpels, hear me out. Yes, Leah is a grown-up who willing entered into a physical relationship with Arizona. Yes, she knew that there were no guarantees. What she didn’t anticipate was essentially getting screwed over professionally. Peds rotation? Yeah, that’s not happening anymore. Working with Callie on ortho? Nope. Too intimidating. When she stood naked and trembling in that hotel room the day that Arizona told her to get out, she lost out on so much more than a romance with Arizona. She lost any control of how her professional and personal lives intersect. When people feel helpless, they do desperate things. Leah is easy to blame because she makes it really hard to sympathize with her. She’s needy, hot-headed and caused friction between Callie and Arizona. But she isn’t a monster.
Shane, who has remained virtually silent all episode has had just about enough. He’s in the same boat as Leah, Steph and Jo, but he’s tired of the nonsense. He tells his colleagues that they are so busy bitching and moaning about their personal lives, that they are squandering their opportunities to become extraordinary. They are there to save lives, and Rory needs saving so, they all suck it up and get to work. Alex and Richard are in the OR with Rory, and the chest tumor is worse than they thought. It’s stuck to everything. The residents use their collective brain power and as a team come up with a way to save Rory’s life.
Unfortunately, Rory crashes on the table, and their research comes too late. When Alex and Richard inform the family, Rory’s sister speaks up. She actually does want to know if she has the same deadly gene. She does. Her parents embrace her as she considers not only the lost of her beloved sister, but the very real possibility she will one day suffer the same fate.
The board has all gathered to discuss Jo and Alex’s relationship and warn them to not take it into the workplace. Alex is so pissed he practically spits nails into each of them. He calls them all a bunch of hypocrites, which is painfully accurate, and tells them to go ahead and punish his ass before walking out. When all eyes turn to Jackson and April, they admit to being married and everyone is all smiles. Except Jo. Who is in trouble. April whispers that she is sorry to Jo, who would probably love to slam April’s head into the conference table a few times.
After their come to Jesus moment, Leah, Steph and Shane head to Joe’s to bond and drink, but definitely not make out. Nope. None of that. They see Ben and Bailey on their way and invite Ben to join them. After being left out, he’s thrilled to be seen as part of the group. Bailey shoos him off with a grin.
Trash Chute’s friend has taken the bull by the horns and is breaking up with TC’s lover for her on the phone. Only a true friend will do that kind of dirty work for you. Perhaps they are each other’s person. TC doesn’t waste any time and hits on Jackson right in front of April. As if he’s ever been able to get the image of removing a mini quiche from her calf. He politely declines, and he and April both smile knowingly. He’ll be wearing his wedding ring from now on.
In an unexpected turn (well for Emma at least) Owen breaks up with Emma at the bar. She is completely shocked and wants an explanation. Six hours ago they were talking about how many kids they were going to have and now it’s over. Owen tells her that he needs someone who is passionate about her work and wants to exchange OR stories at the end of the day. Well, this is new. For the last couple years, Owen has desperately wanted a child and a slightly more conventional life. Are his affections for Cristina outweighing his lifelong desire to be a father? Unfortunately, it appears that Owen is just restarting the messy cycle that he and Cristina have been in for years. You are maddening, man!
At the MerDer mansion, Derek receives big news. Not only does the White House want him, but they want him to lead the entire project. With this news, Meredith sees her dreams of glory slip away. She somehow manages to come to terms with it, because she loves Derek and guilt tripping aside, completely supports him. They have sex because they are the McDreamy’s and nothing is going to come between them. Not plane crashes, not near death experiences, and certainly not the biggest opportunity of Derek’s career.
*Final note, how awesome was the music in this episode? Those moody, emo covers of ’80s hits really underscored the episode well.
Here are some of our favorite #GreysGays tweets from “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away.”
Weber said “penises and vaginas” and I giggled. Yup, I’m five. #GreysAnatomy #GreysGays
– anh62950 (@anh62950) March 7, 2014
OH MY JESUS I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THAT LEG!!!! #greysgays
– Kitty (@SmartLittleLiar) March 7, 2014
“OMG! WTH just happened?” -Me, everytime I watch #GreysGays
– Morena (@Morenadeca) March 7, 2014
“The President dumped him”. I’m going to miss Yang so, so much. #greysgays
– Jennifer (@JenKasper81) March 7, 2014
Everybody hating on Leah might want to take a second to realize she has basically been kicked off Arizona’s service. #greysgays
– dufrau (@dufrau) March 7, 2014
Does anyone else want Leah and Stephanie to hook up? #greysgays
– Kitty (@SmartLittleLiar) March 7, 2014
Owen if you don’t want Emma, can I have her? #GreysGays
– Vicky D (@tisiphone6023) March 7, 2014
