How to Gain Confidence and Score More Dates as a Gay Woman

“I Love Your Taste in Nutritional Yeast”GettyImages-526175023

It seems counter-intuitive, but complimenting other people also makes us feel good. Who knew altruism could be so selfish? Not only will saying a nice thing to someone make you feel more confident, giving one compliment a day has also been shown to help remove mental blocks, build trust with people, and come back to us in other positive ways (what you might call karma or “good vibes” or “the cascade effect”).

Action plan: Tell five people something you like about them today. This should be in person. Some can be people you know, but at least two should be strangers. If you’re feeling ballsy (eggsy?), and they seem nice, try to maintain a short conversation with them.


Back that Bass UpGettyImages-577325204

Music has tremendous effects on us. It enhances our learning abilities, makes us more motivated, and has even been shown to reduce physical pain. But it’s also true that music makes us feel powerful. No wonder we see so many athletes with headphones in before a big game or competition. Not all songs are created equal, however. Recent research suggests that listening to a song that’s bass-heavy helps us internalize feelings of empowerment, even if we don’t consciously realize that’s what’s happening.

Action plan: Go ahead, blast Beyonce’s “Run the World (Girls)” or Queen‘s “We Will Rock You.” You’ll feel large and in charge and ready to take on the day.

Take a Small Step Out of Your Comfort ZoneHipster girl walking on the suspension bridge - vintage colored.

My ex-girlfriend was a yoga teacher, and she would always carry around a Lululemon bag that said: “Do one thing a day that scares you.” It’s easy to dismiss such platitudes, especially when they are trying to sell a pair of $110 stretchy pants, but when it comes to comfort zones and fear, we really do benefit from stepping outside them and doing what scares us. Because if we don’t expand our comfort zone, it actually shrinks, causing us to go further and further into our shells, making us fearful and, well, stuck.

Action plan: Reversing this fear isn’t rocket science. All you have to do to get unstuck is to take one tiny step at a time. Many of the above confidence boosts require you to step out of your comfort zone already, so once you try them, congrats! You’re taking that step.