Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (September 17, 2010)

Jodie Foster. The actress was cleared of any charges for allegedly assaulting a teen “professional paparazzo” following her and her sons. Didn’t that kid see The Brave One?

Angelina Jolie. In the trailer for The Tourist, Jolie seduces then frames a befuddled Johnny Depp. Let’s hope he fares better than her husband in Salt.

Lindsay Lohan. The actress may host Saturday Night Live for a third time this December. May we recommend Kristen Wiig for the role of Sam Ronson in the inevitable Lindsay tabloid sketch?

Hayley Teal. The out Australian X-Factor contestant has made it to the top three. Bonza!

Skins. The Vol. 4 DVD will be released on January 11, 2011 and the 3-disc set will include episodes, “Skins Shorts,” interviews with the cast and crew, trailers, and commentary tracks. Naomily, in their own words?

Julianne Moore. The Kids Are All Right star goes to bat for marriage equality in a new HRC video campaign. So now will you forgive her for those scenes with Mark Ruffalo?

Shunda K. The rapper is teaming up with her old Yo Majesty groupmate Shon B for a new single, “I’m Da Best.” We agree.

HawthoRNe. The TNT drama has been renewed for a third season, and we’re hoping lesbian nurse Kelly will be picking up a few extra shifts.

The people of Lesbos. The village of Eressos (on Lesbos Island in Greece) were happy to host the lesbian-run 10th International Women’s Festival. The festival launched in 2000 and was not initially supported by the locals, but studies show that lesbians now make up 60% of the village’s visitors year-round, and 90% during the festival. Nothing says loving like cold, hard cash.

Zypher Williams. The director is shopping around her documentary-style reality series Honey Child to the networks, hoping to provide a better show about lesbian life than The Real L Word. It’s always good to set reachable goals.

Josh Brolin. The actor compared Megan Fox to Katharine Hepburn. No punchline needed.

Martha Stewart. The debut of her show on the Hallmark Channel was a flop, drawing less than 50% of the audience of its predecessor, reruns of The Golden Girls.

Bridalplasty. E!’s new “plastic surgery bridal competition” will feature a group of brides-to-be battling it out to win a plastic surgery procedure from her “wish list.” It is perfectly fine with us if lesbians are not represented on this show.

The Venice Film Festival. Black Swan star Mila Kunis took home the award for Best Young Actress, but that was the only win for the film. The Queer Lion Award winner (determined by an all-male jury) went to En El Futuro, an “exploratory film on sexuality.” What’s wrong with angry gayish ballerinas?

CBS. The network’s canceled soap, As the World Turns, signs off forever today, taking with it two gay characters who will never have the opportunity to battle amnesia or discover a long-lost twin.

Homophobic sports fans. Some a-holes booed and heckled two men who appeared on the jumbotron kiss cam at a recent St. Louis Cardinals game. The men were straight and didn’t appreciate the implication, now (actual) local gays are demanding some big screen kissing time of their own. LGBT people deserve the right to be pressured into public displays of affection too!

CNN.The network did a story about the current “invasion” of gay TV characters and ran a poll asking viewers: “Is The Surge of Gay Characters on TV Sending the Wrong Message?” The poll was later removed, perhaps because it was sending the wrong message.

Apple’s Ping. The new iTunes-based social network that connects fans with artists and other fans left out a string of Prop. 8-related tweets from the Lady Gaga Ping feed. Now that she’s joined forces with Cher, Ping should be afraid. Very afraid.

Katy Perry. The singer spied in the audience a guy who ignored her in high school. She publicly taunted him for his error in judgment, then serenaded him with her song, “UR so gay.” Because he’d have to be gay to turn her down, right? Right.

50 Cent. The rapper joked on Twitter about having a friend “shoot up a gay wedding” in response to being called a “douchebag” by Perez Hilton. The tweet was removed, but GLAAD wants us to tweet @50cent to let his fans know that anti-gay violence isn’t funny. 50 Cent has over 3 million followers. Happy educating!

— by Karman Kregloe