You don’t have to take your clothes off. No, Really.

As a former women’s studies major — and a person who has eyes — I know objectifying women is nothing new. A little sexual objectification is human, and it’s not just straight men who indulge in it (as the hilarious comments on Snarker’s blog posts about Bitch Slap illustrate).

But every once in awhile, like today, I look around and suddenly feel like I’m in Sunnydale during the Ascension, and all the women I see are turning into zombie sex objects.

To wit: Keri Russell, who has never really recovered from HairGate, is in a photo shoot for the latest issue of Details magazine looking like a victim on Law & Order: SVU who was just rescued after trying to drown herself in her bathtub.

Really, Felicity? It’s come to this?

Socio-political issues aside, I don’t even understand how this drowned-rat look is sexy.

I also stumbled across the new trailer for the crime drama Powder Blue, which features Jessica Biel as a stripper who, well, pretty much just strips.

As AOL’s PopEater blog summarizes, “While the trailer tells us next to nothing about the movie, it makes the advertising strategy crystal clear: Jessica Biel is naked.”

Finally, Jennifer Aniston is on the cover of the latest GQ issue wearing nothing but a tie.

Ostensibly doing the rounds to promote her new movie Marley & Me, Jen actually seems to be playing an elaborate game of strip poker — each time she does a new magazine cover, she loses more articles of clothing.

She also plans to release a calendar of sexy photos in 2009, including this one of her in a wet t-shirt that reveals almost more than the GQ cover.

I like Jen, but enough already! We get it — you’re almost 40 and you’re still hot! Now can you put a shirt on, please? A dry one? Loan one to Keri while you’re at it.

Sometimes less is more, but sometimes less is just less. (Are you listening, Emma Watson?)

To be fair, everyone knows that sex sells — that’s true even on, where articles featuring photos of young, conventionally attractive women always draw more readers than articles that don’t — and it’s increasingly difficult for actresses to get work without amping up the sex appeal to ridiculous and unrealistic levels. It’s like we’re all trapped in an episode of MILF Island.

But just because we’re caught in a vicious cycle doesn’t make it any less appalling to see women crawling on the floor half-naked with a big teddy bear. (Really, Keri? Really?)

At least Tina Fey kept her clothes on when she posed for Vanity Fair last month. I think Tina is sexy, but if I see her naked on the cover of a magazine anytime soon, I’m seriously going to stake someone. Probably myself.