Lesbian closed captioner sues employer after termination for adding subtext

A lesbian fired from her television transcribing job for adding gay descriptions to several TV shows’ closed captions has filed a wrongful termination lawsuit under the Americans with Disabilities Act, claiming that inserting subtext into TV show plots is a chronic compulsion in lesbians and therefore, “not her fault.”

“When there’s innuendo between two female characters, I just can’t help but describe it for the hearing impaired,” said the 43-year-old plaintiff, Michelle Wayne, whose past credits include the popular series, Xena: Warrior Princess.

Ms. Wayne was fired from her job at the transcription company, Transcribix, after ignoring repeated warnings to stop adding lesbian subtext to the closed captions for shows such as 30 Rock, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and The Biggest Loser.

The Americans with Disabilities Act prohibits discrimination based on disability, defined as “a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits a major life activity.” Whether certain conditions can be considered disabilities are reviewed on a case-by-case basis. Wayne’s lawsuit contends she is unable to stop seeing lesbian subtext, whether it’s there or not.

Wayne also claims her years working on Xena further exacerbated her condition, and since that show’s cancellation, she’s been unable to stop imagining lesbian relationships on all her shows.

According to court documents, Wayne’s closed caption text for an episode of CSI included the dialogue: THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE LAB I WANT TO SHOW YOU, but was immediately followed by: SARA LOOKS LONGINGLY INTO CATHERINE’S EYES.

The captions, which aired during the 2007 season, caused a flurry of phone calls to the network from confused viewers.

“There’s definitely some hot chemistry between Marg Helgenberger and Jorja Fox,” said Wayne, referring to the actors who play the CSI characters, “I can’t believe no one else sees that!”

In his deposition, Transcribix President, Bill Polk said: “It’s too bad we had to let Michelle go. She types 250 words a minute. She has the fastest fingers I’ve ever seen.”

When asked for comment, all Wayne would say was, “Jillian Michaels totally checked out that contestant’s breasts while she was jumping rope. Trust me.”

This is a Fake Gay News post &#8212 part of series of satirical blog posts about entertainment. That means it’s (mostly) not true.