“FHM” lists its Top 100 Sexiest Women in the World

Every year the inevitable “Hot” lists start to trickle out from behind media walls and into our laps. This produces what I like to call “The Shredded Wheat Effect,” where the feminist in me shakes my fist at the objectification of women and the resulting impossible standard set for us “normal” girls. Then the perv in me shouts “Boobs!” with a smile and over-eager fist pump.

So, it is with great pleasure and Jewish guilt that I even speak of FHM’s “Top 100 Sexiest Women In The World ‘09.” While I haven’t been able to get my hands on a copy of their glossy for the full 100, their list of the top 10 has appeared online.

Coming in at their number 10 slot is Mumbai’s finest export of the year, Freida Pinto. From where I’m sitting, the Slumdog Millionaire star is a fantastic choice. She’s got a gorgeous smile and soulful eyes.

I’ve only seen Pushing Daisies a few times (which unfortunately is probably why it isn’t coming back for another season) but I enjoyed every minute of it. Call it too little too late on my part, especially when it comes to their number nine sexiest woman, Anna Friel. Perhaps as my punishment, I’ll have to get my fix of Ms. Friel by catching her in Will Ferrell‘s next movie, Land Of The Lost.

Smallville has somehow made it to eight seasons and this is absolutely puzzling to me. I have to assume #8 on the list, Kristin Kreuk, has something to do with this. She’s fun to look at but top 10 material, I’m not so sure about.

Number seven I can whole-heartedly agree with: Elisha Cuthbert. Me-ow, come to mama. I might be one of the only people who has never watched her on 24 but I might also be one of the only people who did see her in The Girl Next Door. She made a great ex-porn star and sometimes, in my dreams, she reprises that role.

Brazilian beauty and one of Victoria’s best kept Secrets, Adriana Lima takes the number 6 slot. She’s definitely beautiful, but does being a Victoria’s Secret model automatically file you under sexy?

I’m not too familiar with Keeley Hazell but she does seem like quite the sexpot. Among some of her sexier attributes: her charity work and promotion of environmental awareness. She’s got great tips like, “turning lights off during sex” to save energy. Kudos to you Ms. Hazell; brilliant.

Number four has got to be a joke. It’s as though there is nothing Britney Spears can do to turn guys off. Is crazy the new sexy? She speaks in fake British accents, is an adult forced into her father’s custody and has had unfortunate media attention given to her nether-region. At this point, K-Fed is sexier than Brit Brit.

Another puzzler is Jessica Alba taking number three. She’s pretty, no doubt about that, but she seems so bland. I can name 10 friends of mine who are sexier than Jessica Alba (and no, you can’t get their phone numbers). Did these guys forget all about Padma Lakshmi, Rashida Jones or Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks? I mean damn, I’d put Helen Mirren ahead of Jessica Alba!

Megan Fox has taken the second sexiest spot on the list and while her order in the top ten could be argued either way there is no denying how sexy she is. I still remember the interview she gave about how she has a crush on Olivia Wilde. That put me in a happy place for almost a week.

The coveted number one spot goes to Girls Aloud member Cheryl Cole. Maybe I’m biased or maybe I need to start listening to more of their music (or any of it), but this list seems rigged. If you’re going to have a list of “Sexiest in the World” it seems like maybe there should be more countries and ethnicities represented, no?

It’s kind of fun to see the differences and similarities between a men’s list defining “sexy” or “hot” versus our community. Take AfterEllen.com’s Hot 100 of 2008, for example. Tina Fey came out on top. Somehow I don’t think she cracked the top 50 of FHM’s list.

I can’t wait to see what the rest of their list looks like but I’m guessing many of my favorites will be overlooked. Who would you put in your top ten? Would any of their picks been the same as yours?