“The Good Wife” recap: “My girlfriend is a federal agent” (4.3)

Man, I hope this recap turns out okay; there’s something about me that feels a little off today. Oh, wait! That’s just the bad taste in my mouth still left over from last night’s The Good Wife!

Let’s start with Everyone’s Favorite Storyline to Detest. As you know, I’ve tried to be sympathetic to Kalinda’s conflicting emotions regarding the Creeper Abusive Husband. But as this storyline continues to drag on, I hardly saw any conflict in those dark, lovely Kalinda eyes this episode, just restrained anger at best and a resigned apathy at worst. They’ve at least stopped beating each other up followed by aggressive sex afterwards, but this dragging on whatever strained relationship they have at this point is almost worse.

To be fair, after examining this episode again, there were actually some high points for Kalinda in this episode, which may signal that the end is to come for Husband. But it just really needs to happen fast. We need our lady back.

We first see her in this episode as she and Creeper Husband are “making breakfast,” meaning, Husband says, “Make me an omelet!” I actually think his lines go something like: “Me husband! You wife! Me own you! You make omelet, yum! Ooga ooga!” To her credit, Kalinda does angrily, and sexily, start cracking the eggs one-handed and dropping them raw onto his plate in response. Husband then takes an egg, crushes it in his hand, and smears the goo all over Kalinda’s chest. Because that’s the appropriate reaction.

Then they draw knives on each other, but, eh, your threats of violence aren’t even interesting or believable anymore, guys. Kalinda says, “This isn’t your home anymore,” but even if it’s not, it certainly seems like dude is living there at this point, Kalinda.

Then, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the return of Jill Flint as FBI Agent Lana Delaney. And when she shows up, she and Kalinda are already both naked and in her bed! Whoo, right? Except, no whoo. The opposite of whoo.

But here’s an excess of photos of them in bed, anyway!

Kalinda’s face looks sadder and more distant than ever. And when she gets a call from Husband, the tryst is really over. Lana says, “I feel like I’m warming you up for someone else.” I also feel that this is a weird line, because while Kalinda is in a hurry to go, it doesn’t seem like she’s in the sexytimes mood at all for anyone, and Lana’s suspicions seem too illogically close to reality. I know she’s an FBI Agent and stuff, it just seemed too, “This is a line explaining to the audience what’s happening!” as opposed to what someone in that situation would actually say. But maybe that’s just me. And then Kalinda peaces out. But she does promise to meet with Lana again the next night, apparently believing her head might clear by then.

And when she does show up to meet Lana at the bar, her face does look happier, more relaxed, more Kalinda-like. And then guess who pops up behind Lana’s head? That’s right. Enemy Number One. Not only is Kalinda not sexing Lana up as she should, but Lana has now become a pawn in their twisted game. No no no no!

This is, however, what I believe–what I hope!–is the turning point. Kalinda excuses herself, and Husband follows right after. She turns, they face each other. And the specific turning point moment is when Husband says just one word: “Dyke.”

AND THEN SHE PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE. And walks away, presumably, to continue her evening with Lana.

Okay. So THAT? That was perfect.

The confrontation Kalinda and Husband have the next day after this contains both the most infuriating and the best lines of the episode. Husband, first of all, “forgives” her for her experimentation while he was away. Oh, that’s rich, Husband! But don’t worry, Daddy’s home now, so she can stop sleeping with women, stop with the “college dorm room stuff.” Ohh, Good Wife writers: you really know how to get under a lesbian’s skin.

He then says, you belong to me, I belong to you, blah blah, as if Kalinda belongs to anyone. To drive the nail into the coffin, he ends the conversation with a threat, saying, “And anyway, I know where your girlfriend lives.” This is the first line that allows Kalinda to crack a smile. “I’d love to see you try,” she quips. And then she says, “She’s a federal agent. My girlfriend is a federal agent.” And while I know she’s just throwing back the same condescending word he threw at her, I still loved to hear it, and the delivery! “My GIRL. FRIEND. is a federal. agent.” BOOM, son.