“Project Runway” recap: “It’s rich, honey. It’s everything.” (Ep. 10.14)

Cue the fanfare. Here we are. Four designers going to Fashion Week! (OK, more than four, but let’s focus on these.) Two hours of Project Runway bliss! Everyone is grateful and all, “We are living our dreammmm!” Typing that just gave me a sudden idea: Project Runway: The Musical. Somebody make this happen!

But back to the final four, I have to make a correction: everyone is happy except for Christopher. Immediately after the critique from last week, while everyone else is celebrating, Christopher is an angry bird! He says, I won four challenges, bitches! This means I win! (Uh, no it doesn’t.) Why were you mean to me?!

Next day in the workroom, Christopher’s anger has devolved into a sad mopey mess which is exhausting. Everyone else is taking the judges’ critiques to heart and plunging into making changes, making things perfect. But the criticism from the judges has clearly just sent Christopher’s head into a tailspin. Instead of focusing, he looks at his clothes and thinks, I don’t know, I guess I’ll make some new pieces? They have their hair consultations; he says, “Don’t like it, don’t like it, don’t like it.” The models come, he thinks, ugh, I don’t know, just find shit that fits. He snaps at his fellow designers and at Tim. Melissa calls a new piece of fabric she bought as “blood orange,” which seems like a fine description to me; Christopher is all, “Just call it red, you pretentious piece of shit!” Whoa there, buddy! It’s like his literal only reaction to criticism is to sit on the floor and moan, “But I just don’t know what to do!” I work with children. This is often how children react. You are a grown man! You are at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week! I normally like queens, but good God! Pull yourself together, man!

To the rest of the designers’ credit, Dmitry seems completely in control; Melissa is her typical slightly frazzled self but still, you know, acting like a likable human being; and dearest Fabio is in typical Fabio fashion, full of chills and gratitude and warm fuzzies and hugs!

Seen in the corner: the ghost of Christopher’s happy past.

During the makeup critique, Fabio also says, “If I could, I would wear that makeup myself every day.” You wear shirts as pants, Fabio. You can do whatever the hell you want, gurl!

At the end of the last day of work, Tim Gunn brings in a bottle of champagne. Dmitry says one of my favorite phrases: “Oh, alcohol!”

Christopher says:

How I react to the world’s nicest man bringing me free champagne!

Speaking of Tim Gunn, he live tweeted the finale last night, proving that he really is the most earnest, caring human on the planet.

How cute are YOU, TIM GUNN!

We end the evening with Christopher doing an unnecessarily nasty mockery of something totally normal that Melissa says. Melissa says, “Uh, OK,” and laughs awkwardly. I did just complain last week that these four were way too chummy with each other. Apparently not! Thanks for bringing back that catty vibe! But good job staying classy, most of you!

And now — it’s go time. This is one of my favorite parts of Project Runway: the quiet walk to Lincoln Center in the dark of night. No matter how whiney or dramatic or mean any contestant has ever been, every single one always gasps in awe and shivers in a bundle of nerves when they arrive inside and see the runway, the empty seats which will soon be filled. Watching others experience their own personal magic always feels like an honor.

Miss you always, Bryant Park.

The scene once people actually start to fill in and Shit Gets Real is mayhem per usual. Dmitry’s models are doing some weird tinfoil hair thing that is taking a million years; Christopher literally rips the bottom off his fancy dress at the last minute; Melissa has dressed one of her models in a dress that literally forces her to take baby steps like Bill Murray in What About Bob.

But, as always, the show must go on, and we’re introduced to our lovely judges on the runway.

Our guest judge is Jennifer Hudson. (Love!) Michael Kors is prepared with his signature Fashion Week sunglasses which seem like they would be a hindrance to examining designs but what do I know. Heidi is looking dazzling because she always looks dazzling.

Christopher is first to show, and he manages to put aside his angst and seems cheery on the runway, and then dedicates his collection to his family and his boyfriend. His boyfriend in the audience is once again SO CUTE and smiling SO BIG that his existence alone makes me feel slightly softer about Christopher this episode. A little.

But we’re here for the clothes. Here’s a brief summary of my thoughts on each designer’s collection. My screen shots aren’t the clearest because I’m watching this on an airport wifi connection right now, so I recommend looking at further images on Project Runway’s website!

There were some pieces in Christopher’s collection that I really liked — the cut of that first skirt was great, and that sweeping dress at the end was lovely. And again, I do really love that print from his mom’s spine. But overall, it doesn’t seem entirely cohesive — the dress, while wonderful, sort of came out of nowhere. And there wasn’t a lot of “wow” in general. I don’t think Christopher will be in the running.