“Glee” Graphed: The Brampocalypse Cometh!

In case you missed last week’s Glee preview, and also you don’t have Tumblr or Twitter or ears, you might not know that this Thursday is the beginning of the Brampocalypse. Yes, it’s true. Brittany S. Pierce is moving on from her breakup with Santana by snogging Sam Evans at her (sacred) locker. The news, while not surprising — Glee has been hinting at a Bram hook-up since the season four premiere, and also there’s that photo Ryan Murphy tweeted of them in their wedding duds — is a pretty big blow to the lesbian community.

Any time we lose a same-sex couple on TV, it stings, because, well, it’s not like we can just flip the channel to another network and find lady-loving ladies at our beck and call. But losing Brittana is a particularly tough blow because of what the couple represents to lesbian fans. Brittany and Santana were not conceived as queer characters, or even as main characters, but in the wake of a throwaway joke about them hooking up, gay ladies took a stand and said, “Hey, girls falling in love with their best friends is real and wonderful thing! Don’t dangle that truth in front of us and laugh about it! Especially not on a show as gay as this one!” And after a year of petitioning and cajoling and begging and praying and a whole lot of fanfiction and some hard-won optimism that shone brighter than the sun, Glee‘s writers acquiesced. Santana came out as a lesbian. And Santana and Brittany made their coupledom official. Unfortunately — and unlike any other fans for any other couples on the show — lesbians had to continue to fight for Santana and Brittany to reach regular ol’ relationship milestones, including their first onscreen kiss.

So it’s pretty devastating to watch them them slip right through our hands after fighting so hard for them for so very long.

Luckily, in times like these, we can turn to science and math to make sense of our feelings. Process with me, won’t you, as I ponder what really happened to Brittana, what trolling behavior is the most trollsome, and how some of our favorite women feel about this recent turn of events.

Oh, Quinn. Slap us and make us feel better.