“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (5.06): Skype me baby one more time

Tricksy tricksy, little show. Thinking you could kill The Gay by separating Jane and Maura. Pshaw. Nice try though. Even through Skype their chemistry pulses through the screen. So, throw in as many “obstacles” as you want, show. An operative from the Dollhouse. A medical examiners convention. Bring it. Nothing can stop the unstoppable subtext.

Speaking of The Gay, this lady in her sports bra hitting the bag? Let’s just say a grateful Lesbian Nation thanks you. But then right when we’re appreciating the ab and arm porn, something goes terribly awry. No, no – back to the hot tough boxing lady.


Alas, it couldn’t last. Instead some especially creepy guy (Yes, it’s always a guy. Man-Hating Lesbian Achievement, unlocked.) sneaks up on her from behind and brings her workout to a dead stop, literally. And then he stabs her a lot – like a lot, a lot – after the fact. Wow. This isn’t Thanksgiving dinner. Was all that carving really necessary? That was…graphic.

After that display we need a definite Gayzzoli palate cleanser. And leave it to our ladies to not disappoint. Maura is fussing over Jane like you fuss over your live-in girlfriend before you leave her alone to go on a solo work trip – because that’s exactly what is happening. She is counting out Jane’s pre-natal vitamins for her because love means making sure your baby is healthy so you can start your family.


Jane is doing what the staying-at-home girlfriend always does in these situations. She is protesting and saying she’ll be fine and it’s only going to be three days and not to fuss so much, GAWD. Maura threatens to break out the photos of the iron-deficient spleen again and Jane says, “Is there anything I can do that will help you get out the door?” Translation: I can’t wait to leave the dishes in the sink and wear the same boxer shorts and T-shirt around the house for three days straight.

Maura scoffs and tells Jane to take her Vitamins. Jane slowly realizes she will indeed be lost without Maura because the only vitamins she is familiar with are the ones with Fred Flintstone on the bottle. Also, she’ll be stuck with her mother – alone. It’s gonna be a long three days, Jane – admit it. And she does, to Maura, as she silently mouths “Take me with you” to her. See, no matter how good temporary bachelor living sounds, it’s never as good as having your lady home with you where she belongs.


Maura tells Jane there will be a fill-in M.E. and Susie. But most important of all she can call her anytime she needs, day or night. Yep, they’re totally gonna call each other and watch House Hunters together on late-night TV while criticizing the homeowners for whining about granite countertops.

Then Maura confesses what is really bothering her (besides leaving her pregnant girlfriend). It’s that this conference is at a casino with food by Wolfgang Puck and table magic by David Blaine. While the main entertainment at the convention she hosted (continuity!) was a drunken Dr. Popov.


But before Maura can leave to be serenaded by Andrea Bocelli, our gals get tandem calls and it’s “Rizzoli” and “Isles” time. Except it’s Rizzoli to the crime scene and Isles to her taxi. That seems so wrong. They should always leave in the same car together. Those are just like the rules of nature or something. Maura knows it too, and gives Jane a look like, “Soak it in. You won’t be checking this out again for three long days, honey.”


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