“Dante’s Cove” Recaps: Episode 3.1

Elena wants to keep the good times rolling, too. But she wants Brit to return to the mainland with her, where she has a job, a home and a ton of mail piling up. Brit says she can’t leave Dante’s Cove. As an oceanographer-slash-bartender-slash-scuba diver, she’s researching the Dante’s Cove tides because they’re “totally chaotic,” as they say in the biz.

Outside H2Eau, Kevin is wearing a safari jacket but no shirt underneath it, like a gay Brian Fellow. Toby walks up to him in that tentative way exes do. For the past six months, no one’s seen Kevin, and Toby asks if everything’s OK. Kevin lies and says he’s happy with Bro, but seriously, all he’s missing is a black eye and a split lip to complete his transformation into the abused housewife he’s become.

Right on cue, Bro slithers over and starts fondling his trophy boy in front of Toby like the arrogant, controlling, preening Sugar Daddy he is.

She’s baaack – A ball of fire is hurtling toward Earth at great speed. It crashes through the atmosphere and smashes into the beach in broad daylight. It’s Grace, face down in the sand, dress torn and seaweed in her hair. That was the Best. Entrance. Ever.

She curses her sister Diana’s name under her breath and storms off, head held high. I heart Grace.

Meanwhile, Adam, Toby’s not-really-straight friend from high school, and Trevor, a recent B-school grad with no job and no plan, stand 10 feet apart, tossing a football back and forth. Note to production: If you must use black tape to hide a brand name, at least have the actors turn that side away from the camera. Did you think with all those well-oiled man nipples, no one would notice?

Trevor says he saw Toby talking to Kevin last night. Adam says he doesn’t care; Toby’s not his boyfriend. Oh, but Adam cares. Adam’s been pining for Toby since ninth-grade gym class.