“Gossip Girl” mini-cap: Michelle Trachtenberg arrives, drama ensues

At last the infamous Georgina Sparks (Michelle Trachtenberg) has hit the Upper East Side, and frankly I’m anxiously waiting for the Upper East Side to hit her back! I knew that I was going to love to hate Georgina, but I haven’t quite mustered the love just yet. OK, maybe a little.

All photos by Giovanni Rufino/The CW

In this week’s Gossip Girl episode, "Desperately Seeking Serena," Dan spends his time looking for Serena, who is not showing up where she’s supposed to (like her college exams). Once again, Serena has desperately been trying to find herself, and when all the dust clears, the SAT review board is going to be desperately searching for Serena, too. Heh.

In contrast, Georgina — who I thought might be the one desperately seeking Serena — seemed to spend no time in looking for her, and what little searching she did appeared to be more calculated than desperate. She just sort of supernaturally appeared out of nowhere at Serena’s school as if this episode were a spinoff of Buffy.

See, that’s just it: Evil just shows up. And evil is never desperate.

What type of dirt does Georgina have on Serena? It’s like Serena is hiding enriched uranium in her hotel bathtub or something.

Whatever the dirt is, isn’t there a sexual vibe to how these two are connecting? What, am I making this up? Nah, I don’t think so.

It’s SAT season, but Chuck’s not concerned. He pays another guy to take the test for him. Nate’s not concerned. He took the test earlier in case he needed to take it more than once. Nate did take a shine to Dan’s best female friend and admitted to hanging out in Brooklyn and liking a lesbian punk band.

So, wait. Is it Nate who comes out next week? As a lesbian? Cool!

Blair spends time on test preparation, but she also finds time to plot the total destruction of another girl who stands a better chance at gaining admission to Yale than she herself does. I’m sure that Blair’s penchant for bitchosity really isn’t the extracurricular activity that Yale looks for.

Little Jenny’s a freshman, so no test for her. She concentrates on trying to find a socialite boyfriend and charming her way out of punishment for the stolen dress incident. Her friends forgave her thieving ways, so why not her dad? Parents are so unreasonable.

But poor Dan: a bright guy but an awful standardized test-taker. He is an emotional wreck this week. Serena promises to be there for him just as any good girlfriend would, but Serena ends up with her own problems: Georgie, as Serena affectionately calls her.

The two girls meet for drinks (how do these kids just walk into a bar and order drinks? WTF?), and after some, "No, no, that’s not me anymore," Serena agrees to toss back a few, and she and Georgina drunkenly giggle down memory lane at their past exploits.

Of course, Serena feels yucky about the evening and confides in Chuck her concerns about having Georgina back in town. Serena is also determined to keep Dan in the dark about Georgina. Why? (The secret better be good.)

A couple days later, Georgina plays sweet and tells Serena that she accepts that Serena has changed, and that she respects her and wishes that she too could reinvent herself. At this point I really wish Blair was there. Seriously. Blair would have seen right through Georgina as a gross, manipulative liar, because game recognize game, as they say!

On the eve of SAT exam, Georgie wants to spend time with her BFF of yesteryear, and nothing says BFF more than a healthy dose of GHB in your unsuspecting friend’s Diet Coke! Now that is not very nice. That was some scandalous mess right there.

Serena wakes up the next morning in Georgina’s bed (details, Gossip Girl, details!), confused about where she is and how she got there, but she does remember that it’s the morning of the SAT exam. Georgina plants seeds of doubt in Serena’s mind, suggesting that Serena really hasn’t changed her ways.

In a panic, Serena reaches out to Chuck for help. Chuck arranges to have another girl (a redhead) take the SAT on Serena’s behalf (that’s what asking for help from Chuck will get you). Dan sees the girl call herself Serena and must have thought that he’d taken an overdose of drugs as well, because the lad was dumbfounded.

After the test, Dan confronts Serena about her strange behavior that week, but she refuses to say what’s going on.

Is this the end of Dan and Serena? Oh, how sad. But … if Serena’s free and Blair’s free, what’s the hold up?

Ultimately, Serena gets in Georgina’s face and tells her that they are done being friends, and Georgina brings up the weapons of mass destruction secret that she holds over Serena. Serena says that if she goes down, she’ll drag Georgina down with her. Hmm … dirty talk or a real threat? I’m not sure.

We last see Dan alone at the park pondering his future when a loose dog walks up to him, followed by Georgina (another mystical out-of-the-blue appearance), who introduces herself as Sara and calls her dog Georgie. Whoa. Sheer evilness. I love it!

So Serena’s secret was not revealed. OK, fine, I was annoyed. Whatever the secret is, I’m starting to not care! Talk about dragging out a plot point. Well, at least there’s a coming-out story next week. Yay!

So, was Georgina who you thought she’d be? Is Serena’s big secret criminal or sexual? Or both? Will the secret send Dan running? Running into the arms of "Sara"? Yikes …