Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (July 25, 2008)

The guestbians just keep on coming. Joining the ranks of Camryn Manheim, Anne Archer, Rosanna Arquette and Sandra Bernhard, Showgirls and Saved by the Bell alum Elizabeth Berkley has signed on to a multi-episode arc on The L Word next season, according to Entertainment Weekly.

Berkley will apparently play “the straight girl that got away from Jennifer Beals’ Bette in college.”

Elizabeth Berkley

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. This news raises all kinds of questions. First, a girl — straight or otherwise — got away from Bette? Let’s not stretch the limits of believability. I mean, you’ve seen Bette Porter, right?

Second, I saw Showgirls, and Nomi Malone was in no way 100 percent straight on the Kinsey scale. Of course, her rating could be skewed due to the presence of Gina Gershon. She tends to have that kind of effect on women. Just ask Jennifer Tilly.

And third, um, how many years did it take Bette to finish college anyway? If their profiles are to be believed, Beals (44) has a good eight years on Berkley (36). Was Bette in grad school trolling the freshman dorms for dates or something?

Pressing questions aside, this won’t be the first time Beals and Berkley have shared the screen. The two worked together in the 2002 independent film Roger Dodger and are apparently real-life friends as well. Considering that the women starred in two of the most famous dance — nay, exotic-dance themed films of the last quarter century, perhaps they will engage in their own forbidden dance once the sixth and final season starts in January. I’ve got two words for Ilene Chaiken: stripper pole.

by Dorothy Snarker