Joe Francis vs. Samantha Ronson: Who’s better for Lindsay Lohan?

The reptilian Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis was a guest on The Tyra Banks Show yesterday, and he spent a some of his precious airtime dissing Samantha Ronson, claiming that he disapproves of her relationship with Lindsay Lohan because he genuinely “cares” about LiLo.

“(Ronson is) very jealous. Samantha tried to start a fight with me. I
care about Lindsay — she’s not gay. She’s being controlled by this… wretched woman, this Samantha.”

“Wretched,” eh? Let’s make this very simple. If you had a teenage or college-aged daughter, which of the following second tier celebrities would you trust around her: Joe Francis or Samantha Ronson? Which one is a more “wretched” specimen? Let’s see how they stack up against each other.

How are women affected by…

Joe Francis?

Samantha Ronson?
  • They end up on film exposing their breasts for millions of frat boys to ogle.
  • The number of nipple slips and up-skirt photos on gossip websites falls from several per month to zero.
  • Hanging around Sam is a more effective treatment for alcoholism and drug abuse than going to Promises Treatment Center.

Trouble with the law

Joe Francis

Samantha Ronson

  • Spent 11 months in jail before pleading no contest to filming topless underage girls in Panama City in 2003.
  • Defendant in several civil suits in which women claimed he filmed them while they were underage.
  • Offended the fashion police by abuse of fedoras and peroxide bleach, although she has since mended her ways.

It looks like the only thing “wretched” about Samantha Ronson may be her former choice in hair coloring.

As to the rest of Joe Francis’ statement (i.e. the part where he states that Lindsay Lohan is being “controlled” by Samantha Ronson), take a look at this picture and judge for yourself.

First, I gave Joe the benefit of the doubt. Could Sam have filled that pumpkin with ether or laughing gas? Is that why Lindsay looks so giddy? Although the pumpkin was not available for comment, after much thought I concluded that Sam was not controlling Lindsay by releasing noxious gases via pumpkin vessel. Lindsay looks especially happy in that photo, because she simply likes being around Sam.

It seems that Joe Francis “cares” very much that Sam gets to canoodle with Lindsay Lohan but he does not, to which I say, “Don’t hate the player — hate the game.”

After Tyra aired, Ronson was given an opportunity by Page Six to strike back. She told Page Six, “I think [Joe Francis is] one of the more disgusting human beings in the world because of what he does — he’s a [bleep]bag.” Based on the statistics compiled above, I’d have to agree with her assessment.

Conclusion: in this round of Francis v. Ronson: Ronson:1, [Bleep]bag: 0.