“Lost Girl” recap (5.1): “You kind of peaked at ‘sack of tits'”

Tamsin goes on to write that the wearer of the Hell Shoes can collect souls in Valhalla in order to raise a dark army and bring about Hell on Earth. So, hey, that seems like an important bit of information everyone should have been aware of beforehand, no?

Dyson also recognizes a sketch of some gates, where he found Tamsin after she delivered Kenzi to Valhalla. They plan to use the lock of Tamsin’s hair Massimo took to open the gate. I don’t really know, just go with it. It’s so much easier if you just go with it. Oh, and has anyone deciphered all the potential plot points on this journal page yet? I leave it in your capable hands, obsessive fandom.

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While Dyson and Lauren are planning for Breakin’ into Valhalla: Electric Boogaloo, Tamsin is already there. Freyja is throwing a fit about lame chairs, emphasis on the throwing. Tamsin tells her she is just delivering a soul, and also thanks for being so…great. If ever there was a moment to add “in bed” to a statement, this is it.

Stacey, the Mean Girl of Valkyries, saunters up to Freyja and sasses about Tamsin’s close acquaintance with complex carbs. Seems our little Tam-Tam is a bit of an outcast. She made that deal for an extra seven lives and folks up in heaven are peeved. But, really, who can stay angry at this face?

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Tamsin implores Frejya, the Mother of Valkyries, to talk with her about liberation. But she is interested in “a far different kind of release.” Um, ma’am, this appears to be classic quid pro quo sexual harassment. As your direct supervisor, this sort of this-for-that sexual innuendo is a clear violation of workplace policies. You are spoiling for a lawsuit.

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What? I just had to go through my company’s annual sexual harassment training seminar. Tamsin tells her about the Fae and human who are here, but it’s not their time. But Frejya says it’s her turn to do what she has to do. It’s time for her to clean up her mess and be who she has to be. And the phone rings again.

While Tamsin is grappling with her true self, Bo and Kenz are sipping champagne on a double pillow top. But how can this be heaven when there’s been no pizza yet? I demand pizza. There’s a knock on the door, but it isn’t a mind-reading pizza guy. Instead it’s an envelope. Inside there’s a photo of Hale and Kenzi with the inscription, “See you soon, Little Mama.” And there’s also a wedding invitation. Her wedding invitation. To Hale. Way to bury the lede.

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Next the BFFs have an existential discussion about where Kenzi should be. Should she go back to Earth or stay in Heaven with Hale? Would it be right to take her away? Would it be possible to leave here there? This is exactly the discussion they should have had before bringing Buffy back in Season 6.

Tamsin finally answers the big blue phone, and immediately goes into Sleeper Agent Valkyrie mode. There’s even a code phrase to activate her: “Eyes both brown and blue. Virtuous yet lustful. Heart both strong and gentle. Neither Dark nor Light. Yet both. She is yours.”

Next Tamsin accosts Kenz in the lobby. The latter is thrilled to see her T-Boz. The former just wants to find Bo. And she’ll invade anyone and everyone’s 7-inch personal space bubble to find her. Sleeper Agent Tamsin promises not to hurt Kenzi, just squeeze her until she pops. To this Kenzi delivers a croquet mallet to the jaw. Hey, don’t be mad, Tam-Tam, she was aiming for your boob.

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