“Pretty Little Liars” recap (5.15): Give it Up, You’re All Going to Hollis

Welcome to the recap of Pretty Little Liars, where Emily Fields finally discovers that “A” is in fact a plate of poorly made empanadas. SPOILER ALERT!

We open in Litchfield, where Officer Toby visits Ali in jail. She demands that the Liars need to see her or at least return her calls. She also says that Spencer needs to “cut this embargo crap,” which is verbatim what Raul Castro said to President Obama. I love it when this show gets political.

pll4This lady’s face is everything I feel about Toby’s police work.

Ali tells Toby that he has to remember how much it sucks to be unjustly imprisoned, despite she herself being the one who imprisoned him. Karma is a bitch, but not as big a bitch as Flashback Ali. Ali says that the Liars will be in jail next, or worse, dead!

pll11It’s cool, I’ve only been here 48 hours and I’m already beating Nicky and Big Boo in the Bang-Off.

The Liars convene at school to discuss who could have set off the Fireworks of Death, and Aria thinks it’s Holbrook. Toby tells them that Holbrook was off this week taking care of his sick dad, and everyone wants him to snoop around for the real deets. Spencer tells her friends to back the fuck off, because Toby’s been a cop for five whole days and he probably shouldn’t be breaking all those cop rules.

pll16Look, I’m sure the evidence room is filled with weed, I’m just asking for a few ounces! Don’t be such a narc!

Hanna got accepted to Ballard College, so she’s going this weekend for a tour. Spencer asks her how many colleges she got into. Damn, judgy Spencer is judgy. All this college talk is giving Aria the sweats, as she’s been rejected from everywhere so far and will have to become a beauty school dropout like Frenchie from Grease.

pll23Kent State?! GROSS!

The Liars are worried that Holbrook is Wilden 2.0, but Hanna assures them that he’s better because Holbrook didn’t bang her mom, he just made out with Hanna a little bit. Everyone is like, “Gross,” even Aria who has never not been dating a grown ass man.