“Top Chef: Boston” recap (12.12): It’s the final countdown

George’s innovative dish is going to be octopus. I don’t really have anything to say about that except that octopi kind of terrify me. If there’s one thing fictional love of my life, Myka Bering, and I have in common, it’s our fear of tentacles. [fill in the lesbian joke] George also uses the phrase “whack ass,” and is sad because there is no pork belly. Apparently, the pork belly was going to be the innovative part?

We get more of a glimpse into Mei’s life, and I really hope that doesn’t mean she’s going home. Her family wanted her to become a nurse, but she dropped out to go to culinary school because of her passion for cooking. I’ve heard a lot of people lately talking about how they don’t like Mei, and hope she doesn’t win. Frankly, I think that’s some sexist bullshit. When male chefs are competitive and serious, even pompous, they’re respected for their authority. Yet Mei, who is hardworking, super fucking talented, and confident, is a bitch? Aw hell no.

Speaking of sexism, George asks why Melissa wants to win Top Chef. She responds that there have only been two women to win in 11 seasons, and she wants to be the third. Fuck. Yeah. GET IT LADIES!

It’s the morning of the elimination challenge, and of course it’s grey and gloomy outside. The chefs that aren’t Melissa commiserate about being nervous and not sleeping, while Melissa, looking quite well-rested, looks on quietly. You know that internally she was probably like, “Fuck yeah! Suckers! I can make literally anything I want today with no consequences!” She does a great job of holding it in, though, I have to say.


The chefs arrive at the kitchen and begin their three hour prep time. FYI it pretty much always takes me over an hour to cook even dumb, simple food. I have no idea how chefs move so quickly in the kitchen, but godammit, I respect them. Anyway, Melissa is making seared duck with cherries, but she’s adding miso which is unexpected. Gregory is making a thai soup with lots of skins. Sounds gross, is probably delicious IRL.

photo5It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.

George is over there grinding octopus heads and just fucking flinging around tentacles. NOT COOL, BRO. Mei is making a duck curry with some yuzu yogurt stuff on it—sounds tasty. Melissa wants the final two to be her and Mei, and I completely agree. They work closely in the kitchen and help each other out. As if I didn’t already hate George, he starts crying about it to the camera. Boo hoo.

tumblr_inline_n98miwIzhQ1qc6h59Mmmm, delicious! (photo via: hermionejg.tumblr.com)

Tom and Wylie roll through, bothering everyone and asking how their dishes are innovative. Gregory is worried that the judges will think he isn’t pushing boundaries enough. He also thinks that maybe George is a little in over his head. It’s getting down to the wire, and all the chefs are trying to finish and plate in one too-small space.

Gregory is serving first and he finishes in the nick of time! He explains that the innovation on his plate is his incorporation of textures and fat in the crispy chicken and salmon skin. The judges love the flavor, but they don’t seem sold on the innovation.

Melissa is up next, and, even though she’s already in the finale, she doesn’t want to rest on her laurels. She doesn’t do molecular gastronomy, so she chose to innovate with her flavors. Wylie doesn’t think she pushed it enough, because he is, like, turning water into wine or making edible smoke on the regular, I think. Everyone else loves it, though.

George serves his plate next, and it looks like a hot mess to me. There are about a million components, his octopus is charred and bitter, and I’m feeling pretty good about his chances of going home.

Mei is up last. She serves her lightened up duck curry, and Tom gives me a minor heart attack by being speechless for a moment. Then, he articulates that he does, in fact, like it! All the judges do! They praise the complexity and flavor.

The judges discuss the plates and Melissa and Mei are on top! Woo! They discuss who should move on to the finale- Gregory or George. Gregory played it safer, but made a really delicious dish. George took more risks, but it was also a mess and not as tasty. It’s the age old Top Chef question, really.

Quick timeout to appreciate that Padma is a VISION in white:

photo7 ILY

Back to the action: Melissa is the winner! She giggles adorably, before proclaiming that everyone better watch out for her, and, also, she’s going to win it all! Protip, Melissa: the cute giggling makes it a little harder for you to be intimidating. Keep being you, though—I love it.

photo8“Fear my wrath, you guys! ::tee hee:: Seriously, fear it!”

Mei is also going to the finale! Mei + Melissa BrOTP 5EVER

It’s down to Gregory and George. If George goes to the finale over Gregory, I’m going to HULKSMASH the crap out of something. Gregory deserves this—he’s been here the whole time competing, and he’s also the better chef.

Oh thank goodness, Gregory is going to the finale! Sorry for (somewhat) irrationally hating you, George. These three, though, these have been my faves for a long time now. I really can’t believe they all made it! This has never happened before, I’m so excited! What do I do with my hands?

Next week on Top Chef: Boston, it’s the finals!!! We’re off to Mexico, and Mei really should’ve brushed up on her Spanish. Also, I tried to watch the end of Last Chance Kitchen to see whether Dougie (Woo!) or George (Boo!) comes back into the competition, but it’s a cliffhanger. ::sad trombone music::

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