“Top Chef: California” recap (13.5): Big Fat Gay Weddings

Previously on Top Chef, Karen and Baldy 1 won the golf course refreshment cart challenge! This episode picks up immediately after elimination: Baldy is sporting some crazy eyes as he compares competing on Top Chef to training for jiu-jitsu (y’all better watch out for that guy) and everyone figuratively pours one out for Grayson. Angelina, meanwhile, is fired up and hoping to perform better after her 321st brush with elimination.

It’s a new day, and the chefs head to a date garden. The chefs learn that they’re in the date capital of the world, and also get to see a pretty sweet looking machete that farmers use for harvesting. They load up some dates to-go and head back to the kitchen.

Once they arrive, the chefs find Padma and Chrissy Teigen standing in the kitchen waiting for them, just looking like angels sent straight from heaven. One idiot dude (I’m not sure which one) says, “That’s John Legend’s wife,” as though she has no separate identity at all. It was probably Bunhead.


I mentioned this at the end of last week’s recap (because this scene was in the teaser), but I think it bears repeating that a thing that happens in this episode is (DIRECT QUOTE):

Chrissy: Dates are sweet and succulent and sticky.

Padma: Like you.

“Like. You.” THAT’S A REAL THING THAT HAPPENED ON TV AND IT WASN’T IN MY DREAMS. What a world we live in, you know? Anyway, I think they introduce the Quickfire Challenge after that. Something about using dates (the food) to tell a story about a date (the social event). The chefs bustle around the kitchen, telling stories about their dates as they cook.

The chefs all present their food and stories to Padma and Chrissy. It’s pretty commendable that they were all able to formulate words standing that close to two actual goddesses. Some of the stories are better than others, but the important thing that happens here is that Padma and Chrissy continue to kind of flirt with each other.

The worst dishes belong to Chad (one of the beardy guys), Bunhead, and Boston Carl, while Jason (Glasses), Cajun, and Giselle are on top. Jason wins! Jason is gay, so I’m not saying this means the LGBTQ community is better at dating, but I’m also not NOT saying that. The end of the Quickfire Challenge means that we have to say goodbye to Chrissy Teigen. I’m not sure who is the most sad: Padma, Kwame, or me. (It’s me.)