Claire and Gretchen kiss on “Heroes”

Last week, Claire and Gretchen engaged in flirtatious knife play while wearing very lesbionic white tank tops. This week, Claire Bear receives the most awkward kiss ever from Gretchen and is rendered speechless. You’ve seen the hype about this moment since the spoilers from Comic-Con, so without further ado, let’s jump into the recap of the episode containing the most hyped lesbian kiss on network television in the last few months and get it over with.

At the beginning of the episode, Claire and Gretchen are noshing in the dining hall, and Claire cannot stop grinning. Gretchen asks why Claire is smiling, secretly hoping that Claire would reveal that the reason why she grinning like a Teletubby on ecstasy is because she is basking in the glow of Gretchen’s presence. But, alas, Claire states that the reason why she is finally at ease is because no snipers and serial killers are hunting her down. Sorry, Gretchen.

At that very moment, a very wholesome looking girl named Becky approaches the table and cheerily states, “Claire Bennet, you can’t escape your destiny.” Becky then tells Claire to rush her sorority, because Claire’s mother was in the same sorority.

Before Claire can answer, Gretchen cuts in and snaps, “She’s going to have to pass.” Getting jealous and territorial are you there, Gretchen?

Despite Gretchen’s obvious disdain for the Greek scene, Claire convinces Gretchen to accompany her to the first rush event. Of course, Claire could probably convince the smitten Gretchen to drink lye, but hey.

At the initial rush event, the sisters have set up a “speed dating” round to get to know one another. A couple of peppy sisters attempt to get Claire to dish about her previous boyfriends, to which Claire responds, “No boyfriend to speak of” and later on, “[I]t’s more like a series of — no boyfriends.” Duly noted.

But as the speed dating event progresses, Claire learns that Gretchen has revealed her personal information to each interviewer. Finally, the last interviewer, Wholesome Becky, tells Claire, ”I feel like I know you already.” Claire asks whether Gretchen has had a bout of verbal diarrhea about her, and Becky answers in the affirmative. Claire is visibly rattled, and looks over her shoulder at Gretchen, who waves back at her like an obsessed fangirl.

“She’s very edgy,” remarks Wholesome Becky. Sure, if “stalker” is another definition of “edgy.”

A few days later, before another sorority mixer, while Edgy Gretchen is taking a leak in la casa de Gretchen y Claire, a book mysteriously falls on Gretchen’s computer, revealing Gretchen’s web surfing history. Claire, distracted by the falling book, walks over to Gretchen’s computer and discovers that Edgy Gretchen has been checking out social networking photos of her, researching her past and pulling up news articles about Annie’s defenestration.

Edgy, man.

Claire then drags herself to the sorority mixer, visibly shaken. At the mixer, while Claire is bonding with another former cheerleader, Kara, a flag falls from the banister, and its stake-like post implants itself in the floor between Claire and Kara.

Claire looks up to see Gretchen looking down from the balcony.

Single white female much?

Claire walks away in a daze, returns to her dorm room, and waits for Gretchen to return. Gretchen opens the door and immediately states, “I didn’t do it.”

“You were the only one there,” responds Claire.

Claire confronts Gretchen about her Claire-obsessed web surfing and accuses Gretchen of offing Annie.

Gretchen responds, “I didn’t kill Annie, and I’m not stalking you.”

Instead, Gretchen grabs Claire’s head and gives her a mushy kiss.

“I have a crush. I’m crushing on you,” explains Edgy Gretchen. That makes it all better, doesn’t it, Edgy Gretchen?

Claire’s response is priceless. Let’s just let the picture speak for itself.

Claire has survived a plane crash and a live autopsy, and the only thing that fazes her is being kissed by a girl.

Here is NBC’s official Claire/Gretchen video:

NBC, trying too much? Word has it that the kiss wasn’t successful in pulling in new viewers, so you put a cheesy soundtrack and slo-mo smooching in the web recap hoping to squeeze out as much juice from this piece of television sandstone?


Anyway, after the kiss, before Claire can respond, Wholesome Becky and her funky bunch of sorority sisters bust into the room and invite both Gretchen and Claire into the sisterhood.

Pre-coitus interruptus? Too bad, so sad. Claire and Gretchen walk off into the hallway carrying candles, processing what just transpired.

Later on, while carnie mob boss Samuel is attempting to locate more people with abilities via the perpetually topless tattoo woman, he is suddenly distracted. What could it be? A plane? A train?

No, it’s not Superman. It’s Becky?!

It turns out that Becky is a spy sent by Samuel to rope Claire into Samuel’s carnie family. Suddenly Wholesome Becky doesn’t seem so wholesome anymore.

Samuel tells Becky to push Claire into the fold, and Becky, quite literally responds, “All I do is push.”

The scene cuts to the second sorority mixer. Becky, who has the power of invisibility, pushed the sorority flag off of the banister while Gretchen was pacing back and forth with jealousy.

Invisible Unwholesome Becky also pushed the book off of Gretchen’s bookshelf which revealed Gretchen’s stalkerish web history.

And finally, it is revealed that Annie did not commit suicide. Becky did the dastardly deed of pushing Claire’s first and infinitely more annoying roommate out of the window to her death.

So, despite being creepy and socially awkward, Gretchen looks like she’s been exonerated.

What’s in store for Claire and Gretchen? Madeline Zima, who plays Gretchen, remains tight lipped.

According to E! Online, “Zima said she doesn’t know if that’s the last girl-on-girl smooching we’ll be seeing between the starlets. But she’s definitely open for more. ‘That would be great.’”

We concur.