Ranking “The Real L Word” reviews from zero to four Sunshine Crotches

When the teaser poster for dropped, I looked at it and thought to myself, "Well, I’ll never be able to go back to a time when I haven’t seen the sun shining out of Tracy’s crotch." And now that the first episode has come and gone, I realize that was only the beginning of the things I’d never be able to unsee (or unhear).

Reviews among AfterEllen.com staff have been mixed. Some of us loved it, some of us hated it, some of us just couldn’t look away from it. The professional critics out there in the wide world of media seem to seem to be just as divided as us, so I’ve rounded up all the reviews I could find and have ranked them in order from love (four Sunshine Crotches) to hate (zero Sunshine- Crotches).

Four Sunshine Crotches

"Unlike the other phony "Housewives," when these L-women party, it’s for real. The dialogue is gritty, funny and real." [New York Post]

Three Sunshine Crotches

"Anyone who misses that other show about gay gals should be pleased as punch that RLW is around — and anyone who’s into juicy reality TV will probably want to stick around as well." [Wall Street Journal]

"Do you miss Shane? Stay up nights worrying about Bette and Tina? This reality version of the defunct lesbian drama is just what the homeopathic West Hollywood doctor ordered." [Entertainment Weekly]

Two Sunshine Crotches

"It’s pretty clear The Real L Word is just another reality show that’s only moderately real — the further adventures of The L Word with a non-SAG cast." [Variety]

"We’ve seen that moment many times before, from gays and straights. That doesn’t mean we can’t see it again. It just means The Real L Word needs to feel like more than a Facebook post." [New York Daily News]

One Sunshine Crotch

"It’s a straight man’s fantasy for skinny, long-haired women to frolic together. In fact, I think I’ve actually seen a porn flick with a similar cover design." [Salon]

"Too often The Real L Word feels like sitting in a restaurant and hearing about some incredible specials that happen to be sold out. Anything genuinely interesting seems to have already taken place." [New York Times]

"It could spark discussion or debate. But it’s mostly just a reality series. And that means manufactured scenarios, big drama, tears, tattoos, drinking, sex, swearing and lots of arguing and playing to the camera. Straight people have been making fools of themselves on TV like this for ages." [San Francisco Chronicle]

Zero Sunshine Crotches

"I can’t really believe this Showtime show exists or that Ilene Chaiken, creator of The Fictional L Word, has been so hell-bent on it happening … Ugh. It just feels cheap and scuzzy right from the opening location shots, during which we’re treated to an in-your-face montage — Los Angeles! Fashion! Sunshine! Hotspots! — and then cheesy, stylized who’s-who chyrons reminiscent of Lauren and the gang on Laguna Beach and The Hills." [EW‘s Popwatch]

"The Real L Word, a new reality series premiering Sunday night on Showtime, hatches from a horrifying alien egg laid by the network’s defunct scripted series The L Word … Lesbians have just as much right to be miserably narcissistic on miserably stupid reality shows. Equal misery for all!" [Washington Post]

And now it’s time for you to make the final call about how good or bad The Real L Word really is.

We’ll have the Sunshine Crotch results in this week’s Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. so check back for that!