Gay Girl’s Goggles: “New Girl” (1.04) SnapCap

When only four percent of scripted TV shows feature LGBT characters, what’s a gay girl to do? Why, strap on your gay goggles and watch TV along with us, of course! Our handy appraisal scale is better than any old letter grade. Other sites A+. We say, “What about our lezzy-lady feelings?”

For all the bitching and moaning I did about New Girl leading up to its weeks-long hiatus, I sure was glad to see it back on TV last night. And, as it turns out, my previous bitching and moaning was for nothin’. Zooey Deschanel has delivered on ratings, which means Fox is going to keep this thing around for a while, which means the writers are going to get better and better at fleshing out these characters and figuring out how to properly use a smash-cut. (30 Rock, writers. Watch it.)


Last night’s A-story revolves around Jess accidentally peeping Nick’s penis and responding to it with some kind of hilarious shriek-giggle. He’s traumatized, of course, and it doesn’t get any better when Jess reveals that while she can sing the word “penis,” pronounce it in Pig Latin, Swedish, and faux Italian, and even wail it in ghoul-speak, she can’t actually say it out loud. It’s a LOT of penises for the crowd, but it was still kind of hilarious.


The B-Story with Schmidt and Winston carried the feelings this week, and it did such a good job I didn’t want to punch Schmidt in the face even one time! And everyone had some feelings about Jess’ Feelings Stick. She loves it so much she carries a travel-size spare in her purse; Nick hates it so much his smashes it; and Schmidt and Winston eventually bond over it. Can you imagine a room full of lesbians with a single feelings stick, though? Only one lezzer at a time permitted to talk about her feelings? There’d be a lot of gay heads exploding.

Also, I’m really into Wiston’s YouTube-themed paradigm shift: “Everybody has their moment. We might get a cat one day. That cat might play the keyboard. A bear might fall on our trampoline. We don’t have to have it figured out right now.”


I admit: I thought the cutest line of the episode was “Maybe when you are [ready to have sex with a beautiful girl],you’ll be ready to show her your other penis. Your heart-penis.” Frankly, it sounds like something Hannah Hart from “My Drunk Kitchen” would say. And that makes it even funnier.


The funniest part of the whole night — and, frankly, the real AfterEllen Bait — had to be Amanda, the girl Nick tried to date. I mean, if you’ve been dating lesbians for longer than 10 minutes, you’ve totally been out with Amanda. That girl who’s so ironic that you have no idea where the sarcasm stops and the sincerity starts. I feel like a lesbian rite of passage is going out with someone who says “I love you” using air quotes. I laughed so hard when Jess popped out from under the bed and Amanda was like, “Who is ‘that’?!?” with the quotes. Amazing.

Are you glad New Girl is back? What was your favorite part of the episode?