Huddle: Lesbian-esque music videos

As we noted in this week’s Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. poll, lesbianish music videos are a hot trend right now, but they’ve been around forever. What better time than to name our favorites and ask for yours? It was way too easy — but way too hard to think of just one.

Ready? Break!

Dorothy Snarker: “Crazy” by Aerosmith. The combination of Liv Tyler and Alicia Silverstone together romping in photo booths, strip clubs and motel rooms was almost too much for my young, impressionable mind to process. Sure, OK, it was a little creepy that Liv was lead singer Steven Tyler‘s daughter. But then you see her serenading a hat-and-tie wearing Alicia and your brain goes back to its happy, happy place.

Also, they ditched the farm boy at the end. Perfect.

Mia: This huddle topic is too hard for me to choose from. I have a serious thing for Alicia Silverstone. I celebrate her entire collection including music videos, cook books and talking about her poop on The Rachael Ray Show. I can definitely say the video for “Crazy” got me worked up, and I desperately wanted to know what was on those photobooth pictures she and Liv Tyler took.

That being said, I think I have to go with Bjork‘s “All Is Full Of Love.” That song breaks my heart into tiny beautiful shards and the image of the two robots embracing so sweetly is one that always comes back to my mind. Oh, and the tattoo on my arm of a mix tape is called “All Is Full of Love.”

Major shout out to the Simian Mobile Disco videos, too.

Alley Hector: Well, of course Lady Gaga‘s latest, “Telephone,” floored me and I loved that the “girl” she was kissing with anything but feminine. It had everybody saying, “How do I get sentenced to that prison?”

I also really love both the music and the video for Simian Mobile Disco‘s “Cruel Intentions” featuring Beth Ditto. It’s dark, dirty, scandalous and a kind of short movie unto itself. I was confused yet titillated by its release.

And, of course, it might just be fresh in my mind but the two women of “I Can Hardly Wait” by Complicated Universal Cum really are hot kissers. I don’t find the song that compelling but I did watch to see how these actors, who seem quite tender, can kiss for four minutes without full on groping each other. I don’t care if they’re straight — that must’ve taken some extreme restraint.

And how can I forget Bjork‘s “All is Full of Love”? I saw it on the big screen at a Chris Cunningham exhibit at PS1 and my mind was blown. Hot, narcissistic, lesbian twin robots. I don’t think the future could be any hotter.

Grace Chu: Prodigy‘s “Smack My Bitch Up.” Until the surprise ending, the video is shot from a first-person perspective, so for most of the video you never see the protagonist’s face. The video starts in the main character’s sparsely furnished apartment. Whiskey is tossed back and an ungodly amount of cocaine is snorted. After getting crunk to Pete Doherty levels, the protagonist slips on some Nikes and hits a seedy club.

At the club, the main character downs three more full shots of whiskey and starts groping women and fighting with any guy within punching distance, including the DJ. Then Rico Suave pukes into a sink and decides to cure alcohol poisoning with an injection of heroin. A strip club is next, and no stripper is left untouched. One voluptuous lass decides to go home with the lout, and they have very explicit crazy monkey sex — so explicit that the video was banned by MTV.

Hold up, you say. This video is obviously a male fantasy pandering to the lowest common denominator. Some guy does drugs, drives drunk, acts like a thug, molests women, yet he gets some girl to go home with him, and they have mindblowing sex. Oh, and the song title is “Smack My Bitch Up” for crying out loud. Time to put on the superhero outfits and go on a feminist rampage.

Then, as the stripper leaves the hooligan’s apartment, we see “his” reflection in the mirror.

What. The. Frack?! Some of you might balk at the portrayal of the protagonist as a stereotypical predatory lesbian, but our shocked reaction to the protagonist’s identity does expose just how ingrained society’s view of gender really is. Did any of you assume that the main character was anything but a man? How does this video subvert the socially constructed —

All right, all right. I can’t even pretend to be “enlightened.” Let’s just pretend that everything before the last 40 seconds of the video was a bad dream. In fact, let’s just pretend it never happened. That last scene was hot.

But just one note, kids — don’t do drugs!

The Linster: Music videos come and go, but nothing ever has or will be as pitch perfect as “Vogue.” Oh, not MadonnaJane Lynch.

Trish Bendix: One video I think any lesbian would enjoy is Plushgun‘s “Just Impolite,” which stars Brittany Snow and Juno Temple as ex-girlfriends. You have to put up with Juno kissing a dude a lot — she left Brittany for him — but Brittany gets her revenge, and we get to see them flashback on their time together, which includes a romantic kiss. Looks like Juno will be ready for her role in Jack & Diane!

Also, I will never forget Gaga’s first video girl-kiss with the lady cop in “Love Game.” So good.

Karman Kregloe: The lesbianish video that immediately comes to mind is also the first lesbianish music video I remember ever seeing, “Who’s That Girl” by Eurythmics. I liked their music, but singer Annie Lennox freaked me out. I was just starting to figure out the whole gay thing and it didn’t matter to me that she was actually straight because she “looked” gay. Rather than be excited about the transgressive statement she was making with her buzzed orange hair and power suits, I think I just got nervous that I was going to have to someday copy her look and/or date someone that looked like her, and neither option appealed to me.

Then the video for “Who’s That Girl” was released and I was transfixed by it. In it, Lennox plays a femmed up nightclub singer performing the song, but also appears as a man in the audience. At the end of the video, the characters kiss. I think it was even in slow motion! Sure, she was in drag as a dude, and yes, the woman she was kissing was just herself, but it was still more lesbianish than anything else that was on MTV (or TV in general) at the time.

I think it was around the same time I saw Stevie Nicks sharing a mic with her back-up singer while performing on Solid Gold, and every time they harmonized, it looked like they were going to kiss. I wanted them to kiss.

Wow, I really was a super gay kid.

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