DatingLifestyle

5 Types Of Online Dating Profiles Lesbians Avoid

Online dating is a minefield, isn’t it? From fake accounts to suspicious filters, every single-and-searching  lesbian out there has come across profiles that just don’t seem right. That’s because they’re not. 

I’ve been on dating apps for years, hoping to find “The One”, because we as lesbians are much less likely to encounter each other “In The Wild”. But recently my search has switched from Looking For Love to an endless torture session of fake profiles. Now, I love arguing with people online – It’s a treasured hobby – but when it comes to dating I’m looking for Ms. Right, not a fight. I think dating apps should allow lesbians to filter out not-lesbians but strangers everywhere beg to differ, routinely setting up dating profiles as Single Lesbians to sneak their way on to our feeds. My research on lesbians continues (it’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it) but in the meantime here are five types of Online Dating Profiles lesbians (should and probably already do) avoid.

  1. Creepy Couples

Dear Creepy Couples. There’s a reason there isn’t an option to set up a profile on Tinder as a couple -That reason is that it’s designed for single people to find each other. But you can’t seem to help yourselves! Instead of using the many other sites designed for couples who’d like to “add a third” you very unhelpfully set up profiles as a single lesbian/bi woman and set about spamming our feeds. Now, I’m all for everyone being able to live and love how they want – if you’re in an open relationship or poly, good for you! – but most lesbians aren’t. Frankly, treating us like sex toys, expected to be at your disposal is insulting, creepy and time consuming. Please kindly delete those profiles and go “find your truth” elsewhere. It is not the job of the lesbian community to spice up your clearly failing sex life. Thank you in advance – lesbians everywhere.

  1. The No-No Lists

Let’s talk about your preferences, yeah? Yes, let’s do that, sure. But one thing I see too often is a profile with no other information about the woman except a list of “Deal Breakers”. It comes off as a bit aggressive, to be honest, and while I appreciate that it’s great to be upfront and honest about what your boundaries are, I’d like to know what you DO want instead of what you DON’T. For example, let’s say you’re a vegan. Instead of putting “No Meat-Eating Animal Murderers” on your No-No list, maybe simply say that you’re vegan? Same result, different approach. I once tried being a vegan but I got so bored of stuffed mushrooms and vegan cheese that I gleefully returned to the open, loving arms of steak and bacon. Yes, those two things go together. Try it, you’ll see.

  1. Men Using Women’s Pictures

I could end the sentence there, couldn’t I? But as you’re here, it is not OK to use any woman’s pictures without her consent. We can see, very clearly, when a man has screenshot some pictures (usually only three) of a woman they know and are pretending to be her. I’ve been tricked by this on a few occasions, resulting in me getting my hopes up before the dawning, heartbreaking realization lands that I’ve just spent days chatting with what turns out to be a man with a lesbian fetish. Leave us alone! I can’t stop you (and your crusty, overused keyboard) from being whoever you want to be online, but I can promise you that no lesbian woman is ever going to change her mind and date you just because you want her to. We get to choose who we date, not you. That’s how it works.

  1. Tourists

How do I put this nicely? A Tourist is a straight woman who wants to come and visit lesbian-land to “see the sights” but not… “Buy any souvenirs”. Lesbian bars and dating apps are full of straight women seeking validation from lesbians but our gaydar isn’t glitching. I’m itching to tell you – We know you aren’t gay. Of course, by all means, experiment in other ways, but wasting the time of real lesbians looking for real love is, in my book, akin to homophobia. We’re trying to find each other and you’re not helping! If you’re bi (or pan etc) then great! You’re welcome here with us. But just like I would never go to a straight bar and go around hitting on random straight women, I don’t appreciate you coming in to our spaces and ruining our nights. I’ve also “been there” and TMI alert – it just results in really bad sex. Maybe not for you but definitely for us. Move along, please.

  1. Trans-Women

OK, I’ll be the gay to say it. Lesbians don’t date dicks. Even feminine ones. So, sorry guys, we lesbians are Same-Sex Attracted and no, we don’t want your penis. I support trans equality and trans inclusion in every way, but when it comes to sex (please imagine me shouting this…) IT IS NOT TRANSPHOBIC TO BE A LESBIAN. We don’t owe you sex (no one does), yet one in five profiles I see online are trans women (with penises) and there’s no way to opt out. I very much hope you “find your bliss” but that bliss isn’t in my bed. At least not for you, anyway. I look forward to seeing you at Pride but please do not expect lesbians to include penises (of any kind) in our dating pool. I’ve spent years trying to be polite and respectful and I consider myself a trans ally. For example, to my actual trans-identified sister. But when it comes to that most private and personal thing – who I share my body and my life with – the answer to whether lesbians should be forced/expected to include trans women in our sex lives is “No.” No is a complete sentence, but I’ll also add “Thank you,” just to be polite.

And with that, back to the battle ground with me! The amount of wading-through-profiles we lesbians have to do is already exhausting but if Taylor Swift can find love, so can we! My top tip for meeting lesbians is to go speed dating events run by places like Pink Lobster Dating, who commit the thought-crime of allowing lesbians to specify whether they want to include penises in their dating pool. Good for them. I’ll see you there! I’ll be the girl in the Power Blazer, a lesbian wardrobe essential, am-I-right?

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